I hate the fact that its affecting me as much as it is. Those who followed my last post my girlfriend has ended our relationship and I'm suffering badly. I'm trying to focus on my life, I'm trying to keep my mind off it but it isn't going well.
I frigging hate how needy and whiney this is making me. I feel like a little kid who can't get a grip on my emotions. I've been doing the exercise, I've been focusing on old projects that I've had on the go. Anything to stop me from trying to call or text her. I practically invented the no contact rule and here I am fighting the urge to contact her.
Any advice as to what helped others get themselves together after a breakup would be appreciated. When I'm focused on something I'm OK but as soon as the task is done I'm right back where I started.
My friend base is right in that age group where everyone is married or engaged and their wives/girlfriends don't want them to come out for a good old fashioned pub blowout with me. Drinking along at the bar sure isn't my idea of a recovery.
Dammit this sucks.
She's gone. Crying and whining ain't going to bring her back, and it sure as shit isn't going to attract a new mate.
Like the Copperhead Road dweller stated, Sack Up. Women come and go. Keep your mind occupied, stop your bitching; and if you want somethin to hold, buy a new shirt and shoes, splash on some cologne, cheer the hell up and go find you a lil somethin.
There are steps that can be taken.
1. Decide that it is over. She has decided that it is over, now it is time for you decide the that it is over.
2.Stay busy. Remember, you can't think your way into right acting, but you can act your way into right thinking.
3. Get rid of anything you have that is hers.
When you have done all that post again and I will tell you some more things to do.
Look, your life doesn’t depend on any specific job, any one house, any particular car and especially only one woman! You may need a job, a house, a car, or even a woman—but you DON’T need any particular job, house car or woman. Here’s your chance to grow as a man. Practice the things that will make you a better person— get in shape, take some college classes, learn practical social skills, eat healthy, seek out growth experiences-- Hone yourself-- GET OUT AND DO IT! Once you feel better about yourself and your abilities you’ll be over her; I promise you.
The comments above are well-meaning, but if we could just override our emotions, switch off our sympathetic nervous system for a while and do what we logically know is right there would be an end of all human struggle right there.
The feelings you are experiencing are very powerful and I appreciate the difficulty of the struggle you're in. Of course you know what you have to do (i.e. everything the 4 above commentators mentioned is 100% correct). But it's going to be hard to actually do it.
My only practical suggestion is to use endorphins to your advantage. The body and the mind is a door that swings both ways. Lots of things stimulate endorphins: running, swinging on a swing, chocolate, spicy food, skydiving, loud music, laughter, smiling, sex, etc. Endorphins are pretty much ... chemically speaking ... happiness itself. You feel miserable but you can grab the levers in your brain and make yourself happy again by pumping yourself full of endorphins as much as you can. Assuming you have a job, you may have to tough-it-out until the weekend but you've got to take a really, REALLY long hike or do some form of exercise or thrill-seeking until your body is absolutely beaten into the ground. That will shut down your nervous bundle of thoughts about her and allow you to sleep. Use milder forms of consciously stimulating your endorphins anytime you start to get down.
That and socialize. Start looking for a new girlfriend ASAP. OKCupid might be a good place to try a shotgun approach: message 20 girls and I can 99% guarantee you'll have at least one date lined up, maybe 3 or 4. Of those 3 or 4, one might turn into a relationship. Open and shut.
btw skydiving will cost you around $300 but totally worth it in these circumstances.
Thanks for the advice. Strangely, it turns out I really needed to hear it.
Her stuff is boxed up and going to be left at the front door for her to pick up tomorrow. All photos, messages, etc have been cleared from my computer and phone. I've got classes on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays after work to keep me from stewing (cooking, welding and percussion).
I also signed up for the OK cupid thing. My profile is set private so people can't message me but I'm finding just seeing all the hot women available in my area is really getting me excited about dating. I think I need to have my head on a bit straighter before I hit the market but it helps to know the dating pool hasn't dried up.
I'm already in the gym 4 days a week working weights, but I'm going to give a few exhaustive cardio sessions a try.
Yeah, you do need your head on straight, but I'm not sure signing up for Ok cupid just to look at hot women is the way to do it.
I know a man whose wife died a few years ago, and for the last several months he's been dating another woman. Now he has hastily married her. He used to do the landscaping at the church, but since he has been with her he has barely even been attending... [one] Moral of the story: Don't date too soon after a breakup/separation. Your emotions are raw and you not entirely rational.
What? Who the hell are yo to judge what that guy has done or how it affects his own life. There isn't a moral to your story other than you have no clue what you are tlaking about
Shieldes is right. Also not going to church is a lifestyle improvement.
Really? You tell Pale Horse not to judge because he has no idea what he is talking about, and here you go doing the same thing. For some people going to church is a lifetsyle improvement, not a detriment. No need for the blanket baseless assertion that dropping church from your life is better for you.
I think you've lost everything that made it worth fighting by the time you started talking about church in terms of lifestyle. People tell me they go to church on account of God; never heard a soul mention lifestyle improvement calculus. I would say, many do not really understand, God might not be in the business of lifestyle improvement, but I suppose it's just as well they learn that in church.