I hate the fact that its affecting me as much as it is. Those who followed my last post my girlfriend has ended our relationship and I'm suffering badly.  I'm trying to focus on my life, I'm trying to keep my mind off it but it isn't going well.  

I frigging hate how needy and whiney this is making me.  I feel like a little kid who can't get a grip on my emotions.  I've been doing the exercise, I've been focusing on old projects that I've had on the go.  Anything to stop me from trying to call or text her. I practically invented the no contact rule and here I am fighting the urge to contact her. 

Any advice as to what helped others get themselves together after a breakup would be appreciated.  When I'm focused on something I'm OK but as soon as the task is done I'm right back where I started.

My friend base is right in that age group where everyone is married or engaged and their wives/girlfriends don't want them to come out for a good old fashioned pub blowout with me.  Drinking along at the bar sure isn't my idea of a recovery.

Dammit this sucks.

Views: 768

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

My take on all this based on experience is taking your passion and transforming it into something positive. The worst feeling you will be experiencing, and probably are right now, is depression and that gloomy and mopy feeling you get. This will take you no where and will only ruin you mentally, scarring for a long period of time. It is easier to move up the ladder of negative emotions until it is positive. You are probably passionately depressed, because you passionately loved her. Turn that depression into anger. Yes, I said it, anger. Try it out, even HATE her for a tiny bit (of course in moderation). Once you get angry about it you feel like it is her fault, and you blame yourself or put yourself down less. Remember, anger is like steam that can get blown off much easier than the so called mucky mud depression. Once you take control of your anger turn that into raw passion. Take the motivation and passion and turn it into something positive. Change your lifestyle and work out, eat right, become a better person. Eventually you will move up the hierarchy of emotions and will be better in no time. Just take that negative passion and turn it into a positive passion.

Hey Bob,

Sorry to hear about your situation, that is much worse than what I've got going on.  If its any consolation, things have gotten better for me and I'm sure they will get better for you too.  As with everything, this too shall pass.

I agree completely about not getting drunk, the most I'll allow myself to have for the time being is 2 drinks. 

Last night we met so she could get her stuff back.  The advice i received on here combined with my own efforts helped me make the most of the meeting.  I've come to accept what is and I'm working on myself and my hobbies now, she was surprised at the change.  We shared one last cup of tea together without discussing the relationship at all.  We had a few laughs and then we parted.  I then deleted all her information from my phone, my emails, my harddrive, everything, and now I am ready to open the next chapter of my life.  Its a wonderful feeling actually, to know that the worst is behind me and there are blue skies ahead.

I know your situation is much different but there will come a time when things turn around and start looking brighter again.  You have a responsibility to care for your child and yourself so make those your priorities.  If she moves further away it will make it more difficult for you but I would stay in your current job and make the commute to see your kid whenever you can.  When you aren't with the rugrat follow the standard breakup workplan: Workout often, eat healthy, reconnect with friends, find what makes you happy and pursue it with all your available energy.  These things have worked wonders for me.  I'm back taking drumming lessons after having not sat at a drumset in over 4 years, I've found a new love in Yoga which I would have never expected, and I've learned some new cooking skills that I can use for future dinner parties and date nights. 

Its been said a million times and it is sooo true, the best revenge is to live an amazing life.

RSS

Latest Activity

Will replied to Pale Horse's discussion Strangers Like Us
"I'm not sure where it is.  I just know who it is:  greatest philosophers in history."
2 minutes ago
Will replied to Rodney Allen Thornton's discussion Thinking of removing the long hair. Suggestions?
"I'm no expert, but to me the thing is you have a lot of roundness, and need some sharp to offset it.  The glasses are definitely on the way there, though you might try even more angular frames.  I'm not sure what haircut is…"
3 minutes ago
George Henry Robbins III replied to Peter Amara's discussion Shirt Style at Work in the group The Shirtless Man
"Wear collared shirt when working. Also do not wear undershirt and open top two buttons. Always shirtless at home and everywhere else I possibly can."
7 minutes ago
Flavio Bossolan posted a discussion

Tutorship

Hello gentlemen,Following an idea that was present in the book "30 days to a better man" that encourages us to find a tutor, I´d like to propose a discussion about us finding our tutors over here in the AOM community. Perhaps we could find ourselves online tutors since we are all aiming at the same thing: be better men. What do you think?See More
10 minutes ago
Peter Amara added a discussion to the group The Shirtless Man
Thumbnail

Shirt Style at Work

Hey guys,How do you usually wear collared shirts when at work? For me, I wear no undershirt underneath and I usually unbutton the top two buttons whenever I work then I unbutton the rest when I go home. It's been so hot lately I've been keen on showing as much skin as possible. What's everybody's train of thought regarding this?See More
19 minutes ago
Fred Weldon replied to Fred Weldon's discussion Howdy from the high desert!
"Thanks RJ! :D"
1 hour ago
Fred Weldon replied to Rick Shelton's discussion Lifted Jeep
"When you own a Jeep it never ends :D   I'm on my 3.5th one (the .5 is the wife's Patriot Limited 4x4, not really a Jeep but at the time it was the best small 4x4). I've about convinced the wife that we need a…"
1 hour ago
Fred Weldon replied to Rodney Allen Thornton's discussion Thinking of removing the long hair. Suggestions?
"As a former owner of long, thick, wavy tresses myself my advice would be not to go too short, I did for a year & decided (along with the wife) that too short just didn't look good on me. Keep enough for some bulk around your face. I also…"
1 hour ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service