So what seems to be the problem here? You have everything in common, you apparently get along well since you hang out every day, and you both want to have a relationship.
And so what if she's a virgin? That has to be the only specific thing you have told me about her out of this whole paragraph. You are making her out to be perfect (which no one is a perfect 100% match. That's bullshit.) Yet that's the only thing-no the First thing you point out about her.
I'm going to assume that you have been dating for a short time, because what you have typed makes no sense whatsoever. Excuse me for me brazen disposition.
You might benefit from this thread if you give me some specifics as to what you think is holding the relationship phase back, while also presenting the facts about how long you have been dating.
Being a virgin, means nothing.
You're 23 and she's 21... Means nothing.
Ask yourself, 'What are you afraid of?'.
You may find that your scared of rejection, Or scared of commitment. Or mabye there's a tickle in the back of your mind that's warning you not to settle...
Whatever the case,
If you WANT to settle down. then do just that. If you WANT, a relationship, then you have all the tools at your disposal.
Don't let your indecision and fear of rejection stop you from making, what could be, the best decision of your life. Relationship wise or otherwise...
Be proactive. Do not set aside and let this fall into a friend zone as men so often do. Let her know that you have both emotional and physical attraction to her and that you want to be more than friends. Taking it slow is fine. Become comfortable with each other and take this relationship in strides. It will work out it you both want it to.
Virgins are not a whole seperate species (granted, I don't think there are many female virgins out there as there once was) so you don't have to do anything special.
I understand what you mean. I'm 22 and I feel the same way. I just want an honest relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage and a family as well, and all you gotta do is go ahead and ask her out...And tell her what you just told all of us: You want a real relationship, you want to settle down, start a family, etc, and you're afraid of getting hurt. Shows that you're a good man, and it shows you're not afraid to express your emotions and fears.
Just start taking her to movies and dinner and whatnot, then tell her exactly what it is you want, straight and to the point. Relationship, Settle Down, Start a Family, Afraid of getting hurt.
Hope that helps.
Joe: As a grown man with a significant disability (and somewhat older than you as well), allow me to share some of my thoughts. First, the dating world is a very different place for us. Whether we like it or not, no matter how independent we are, no matter how little we need help in our daily lives, the outside world sees us as different. I have lived with about an 80% loss of my sight since before I can remember. I married only a couple years ago, but the woman I found was absolutely worth the wait. One of the HUGE mistakes I see guys make is that they think they have to be or say the right things or do the right things in order to play some kind of game. My wife and I agreed early in our relationship that games were not for us. We just wanted the other to be exactly who they were. Make sure you are totally secure with yourself and your disability and come to terms with it. Work to overcome all the limitations you can, but be secure in who and what you are. If you are there, sit down with her and speak to her from the heart; no games, no expectations, just how you feel. Don't be afraid of rejection. A bit of brotherly advice....rejection is a big part of being a man as well as an adult. Learn to deal with it and move on. This girl will either except you for what you are, or she won't. If she doesn't, it may not be a statement about you as much as it is about her and where she is in her life. Never stop trying to improve so that you will eventually become the man that other women want to be with, but do it in a way that doesn't compromise the core of who you are. But above all, just be yourself and refuse to play games or mold yourself into what someone else thinks you should be. You will never be happy if you try to live your life that way. Good luck.
Just a thought, the pain of rejection or failure is nothing compared to the pain of "what if".
Go in the bathroom and look down in your pants. You see that hair down there? It's time to prove that it grows there for a reason.
Now, go to her, say, "hello," and tell her you would like to go on a date with her, use the word "Date." Give her a time and place when you want to go on a date, don't just say some time, soon, this weekend. Be specific, you want to have dinner at (place that is not fast food or likely to be full of kids, noise, and waitresses wearing 8 dozen pins on their uniform polo shirt and apron goes here) on (day you are free goes here) at (time that you feel like you can be at your best goes here), and then you want to go see (movie name goes here) at (movie theater goes here). Personally, I'm not a fan of the dinner and movie date, so I would come up with another activity, but the point is, you need to be specific about where and when you want to go, and show her that you are interested enough in her that you put enough thought into asking her out to at least come up with a plan.
It takes a minute of courage. If you get rejected, then you are no worse off than you were before. Don't worry about sex or anything else. Just go on a date, kiss her goodnight when you are done, and start planning your next date. When she is ready for more, you'll know it. You don't have to ask her for more, you don't have to tell her you want more, just take it easy, and worry about getting over this hurdle first. There is no reason to sit and contemplate how the relationship is going to become physical, whether you will screw it up, whether your heart will eventually be broken, when you haven't even gotten a relationship with her yet. That would be like worrying about whether your dog will snore when he sleeps at the foot of the bed before you even go to the shelter to look at puppies.
Just go ask her out. It's good for you, it will grow hair on your chest.
Jeremy, I think he is past the asking her out stage. They know they like each other but there are clearly some other personal issues here which I am pretty sure aren't going to be solved by looking at his testicles. And ignoring them in the name of being a man is just going to internalize them and they'll come up again further into the relationship.
It is personal demons rather than a lack of balls that is holding him back here and I don't think this post was helpful.
I read his post as some guy who was trying to convince himself that he was doomed to fail with a girl that he's pretty sure likes him. My advice was meant to suggest he be up front with her and to not dwell on other issues that are irrelevant at this stage of his relationship.
The only personal information he gives about the girl is that she is a virgin and slightly younger than him... not really relevant... then he goes on about how he doesn't want a bad relationship, wants to settle down and have a family, but doesn't want to get his heart broken. He is putting the horse before the cart.
The only personal issues I see here is that he is overthinking things, planning a relationship that he doesn't even really have yet, dwelling on irrelevant details, and not being clear with her about wanting a relationship.
All of those issues can be solved by being upfront and honest, instead of worrying like a Junior High school girl. He just needs to ask her on a date, plan the date, and not think about any of the other things like starting a family one day, being hurt, etc.
If I misread his post, I apologize, but I haven't read anything in it that suggests a deeply troubled individual, just a guy making excuses not to succeed. They hang out, not go on dates, so he doesn't appear to be past the asking her out stage, he appears to be right at the stage where he needs to clearly define the relationship. They both "want" a relationship, but "are taking it slow" because they are unsure about when and how to express their feelings. Either two people have a relationship or they don't, there isn't a lot of gray area. Unless I am really misinterpreting something (and I highly doubt that), what I see here is that he needs to man up and be honest with her about his feelings in a straight forward way so he can find out hers, and he needs to stop worrying so much about the future.
You may be right. But I think that the reason he is worrying is in part down to some object fears which need some work to over come. There probably is some manning up to be done too but it seems to me (and I may be wrong of course) that there is more to it. He alludes, but not in the original post, that he is in a wheelchair which I am sure is uncomfortable for some people to get used to at a young age.
As for putting the horse before the cart, with some of the things you are definitely right. Thinking about date number one and date number two should definitely come before stressing about marriage.
If the tone of my previous message seemed a bit harsh I also apologise. I wasn't in the best of moods.