Theres this girl I like and she likes me as well. Shes 21 and im 23 so ud think i would know about dating and stuff but im afraid to do the wrong thing and lose her so im looking for some advice. So to start out shes a virgin which makes things different from any other relationship iv been in. We have everything in common and hang out almost everyday. We both want to have a relationship and are taking things slow but we seem to be unsure on when and how to approach it because neither of us seem to know how to express our feelings right. I want a relationship im tired of one night stands i want to settle dwn and be happy with someone and start a family. Always afraid of getting my heart broke as well so idk what to do. Im having a hard time explaining this right now that will probabaly be my downfall. If anyone can undrstand what i mean and could help me please do.

Views: 599

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

So what seems to be the problem here? You have everything in common, you apparently get along well since you hang out every day, and you both want to have a relationship.

And so what if she's a virgin?  That has to be the only specific thing you have told me about her out of this whole paragraph.  You are making her out to be perfect (which no one is a perfect 100% match.  That's bullshit.) Yet that's the only thing-no the First thing you point out about her.

I'm going to assume that you have been dating for a short time, because what you have typed makes no sense whatsoever. Excuse me for me brazen disposition.

Or not...

You might benefit from this thread if you give me some specifics as to what you think is holding the relationship phase back, while also presenting the facts about how long you have been dating.

Go on date, kiss


Rinse and repeat and add more in as you get more comfortable and get to know each other.


Once again, stop "hanging out" and go on dates and KISS

Being a virgin, means nothing. 
You're 23 and she's 21... Means nothing. 

Ask yourself, 'What are you afraid of?'.

You may find that your scared of rejection, Or scared of commitment. Or mabye there's a tickle in the back of your mind that's warning you not to settle...
Whatever the case, 
If you WANT to settle down. then do just that. If you WANT, a relationship, then you have all the tools at your disposal. 
Don't let your indecision and fear of rejection stop you from making, what could be, the best decision of your life. Relationship wise or otherwise...

Be proactive. Do not set aside and let this fall into a friend zone as men so often do. Let her know that you have both emotional and physical attraction to her and that you want to be more than friends. Taking it slow is fine. Become comfortable with each other and take this relationship in strides. It will work out it you both want it to. 

I am afraid of rejection yes. Iv been in a wheelchair most of my life and have adapted to my new life. Girls tend to look at me differently and girls say it doesnt bother them but i feel theres something there making them unsure still. Also im not sure what to always say. Are there any words i can say to help.

Rejection sucks for all of us, just a part of becoming a man and realizing that it is just her saying no, it doesn't change who you are.


As far as what to say, I think most guys agree, ask questions, listen to what she says and ask more questions based on what she says. Let her talk, most women love to talk. Just listen to her and base the questions off of her statements.

So you have wheels on the ground instead of shoes, it doesn't matter.  Take a look at the Marine on his wife's back (she was carrying him because he lost his legs in Afghanistan).  They met after the incident.  Mostly it is confidence and belief in yourself.  I've dated a woman in a wheelchair and one on crutches (permanently) and had great times.   Both of these women were comfortable with who they were and had confidence in themselves.  The point is that when you say that you feel there's something there making them unsure still, it is most likely your assumption; you're prejudging their reaction and validating that prejudice through your imagination.  Once you prejudge another all their actions will be percieved to validate that judgement.

Virgins are not a whole seperate species (granted, I don't think there are many female virgins out there as there once was) so you don't have to do anything special. 


I understand what you mean. I'm 22 and I feel the same way. I just want an honest relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage and a family as well, and all you gotta do is go ahead and ask her out...And tell her what you just told all of us: You want a real relationship, you want to settle down, start a family, etc, and you're afraid of getting hurt.  Shows that you're a good man, and it shows you're not afraid to express your emotions and fears.


Just start taking her to movies and dinner and whatnot, then tell her exactly what it is you want, straight and to the point. Relationship, Settle Down, Start a Family, Afraid of getting hurt.


Hope that helps.

Joe:  As a grown man with a significant disability (and somewhat older than you as well), allow me to share some of my thoughts.  First, the dating world is a very different place for us.  Whether we like it or not, no matter how independent we are, no matter how little we need help in our daily lives, the outside world sees us as different.  I have lived with about an 80% loss of my sight since before I can remember.  I married only a couple years ago, but the woman I found was absolutely worth the wait.  One of the HUGE mistakes I see guys make is that they think they have to be or say the right things or do the right things in order to play some kind of game.  My wife and I agreed early in our relationship that games were not for us.  We just wanted the other to be exactly who they were.   Make sure you are totally secure with yourself and your disability and come to terms with it.  Work to overcome all the limitations you can, but be secure in who and what you are.  If you are there, sit down with her and speak to her from the heart; no games, no expectations, just how you feel.  Don't be afraid of rejection.  A bit of brotherly advice....rejection is a big part of being a man as well as an adult.  Learn to deal with it and move on.  This girl will either except you for what you are, or she won't.  If she doesn't, it may not be a statement about you as much as it is about her and where she is in her life.  Never stop trying to improve so that you will eventually become the man that other women want to be with, but do it in a way that doesn't compromise the core of who you are.  But above all, just be yourself and refuse to play games or mold yourself into what someone else thinks you should be.  You will never be happy if you try to live your life that way.  Good luck.

Just a thought, the pain of rejection or failure is nothing compared to the pain of "what if".

Be Brave, for 30 seconds, that's all it will take.  Count to five and do it; don't think, just do it.

Go in the bathroom and look down in your pants.  You see that hair down there?  It's time to prove that it grows there for a reason.

Now, go to her, say, "hello," and tell her you would like to go on a date with her, use the word "Date."  Give her a time and place when you want to go on a date, don't just say some time, soon, this weekend.  Be specific, you want to have dinner at (place that is not fast food or likely to be full of kids, noise, and waitresses wearing 8 dozen pins on their uniform polo shirt and apron goes here) on (day you are free goes here) at (time that you feel like you can be at your best goes here), and then you want to go see (movie name goes here) at (movie theater goes here).  Personally, I'm not a fan of the dinner and movie date, so I would come up with another activity, but the point is, you need to be specific about where and when you want to go, and show her that you are interested enough in her that you put enough thought into asking her out to at least come up with a plan.

It takes a minute of courage.  If you get rejected, then you are no worse off than you were before.  Don't worry about sex or anything else.  Just go on a date, kiss her goodnight when you are done, and start planning your next date.  When she is ready for more, you'll know it.  You don't have to ask her for more, you don't have to tell her you want more, just take it easy, and worry about getting over this hurdle first.  There is no reason to sit and contemplate how the relationship is going to become physical, whether you will screw it up, whether your heart will eventually be broken, when you haven't even gotten a relationship with her yet.  That would be like worrying about whether your dog will snore when he sleeps at the foot of the bed before you even go to the shelter to look at puppies.

Just go ask her out.  It's good for you, it will grow hair on your chest.


Latest Activity

Sir replied to John Muir's discussion Donald Trump Is A Greedy, Creepy, Ignorant Jerk in the group The Great Debate
"Except for the "right-wing" part, yes."
16 minutes ago
Sam K replied to John Muir's discussion Donald Trump Is A Greedy, Creepy, Ignorant Jerk in the group The Great Debate
"I'm not particularly fond of Trump; to me he's like a right-wing version of Bill Maher running for President, and I wouldn't be found of the idea of Bill Maher running the country even if I was on the left.To me though the least of my…"
38 minutes ago
Sam K joined Herb Munson's group

The Great Debate

"Iron sharpens iron." A place for men to impact each other by debate and exchange of ideas. This is a group where no ideas are off limits. If your motto is, "I never talk about politics or religion," this group is probably not for you. A "gym" for thinkers.See More
39 minutes ago
Shane replied to Sam K's discussion Good sources for political opinions?
"Why? Just deep dive into the topics you're interested in."
51 minutes ago
QuackXP replied to Brother Joseph's discussion Christmas Traditions
"Every year at lease since we moved to Pittsburgh in 2008 the Regent Square Theater in Pittsburgh has free showing's of It's A Wonderful Life in conjunction with a local charity food drive. My wife (girlfriend when we moved here) have not…"
52 minutes ago
Sir replied to Sam K's discussion Good sources for political opinions?
"Phrase it differently:  not about avoiding bias, which is impossible, but how can I get info you won't find in MSM? By checking a variety of sources. WSJ, sure, and WaPo, and maybe the Economist.  But I primarily read editorials not…"
1 hour ago
Robert Edwin House replied to Sam K's discussion Good sources for political opinions?
"Good luck on this. You'll be hard pressed to find a news source that isn't slanted in one direction or another. I am suspect of all media that presents things in a biased way, which seems to put me at odds with every source. "
2 hours ago
Sam K posted a discussion

Good sources for political opinions?

Most political sources online or in the media are pretty awful. Most online message boards especially are havens for fighting and lunatic fringe views.I've been doing a little research to find get an idea of what some more professionally written sources are - If anyone can give me some advice I'd appreciate.On the bottom of the barrel I rank minor blogs, Youtube channels, and most political message boards (where any anonymous person can contribute; ex. Democratic Underground). Just up from that…See More
2 hours ago

© 2015   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service