I don't know why; I don't when; but I detect some outline of a how. To keep things short, I'll make a small bullet list of contributing factors:
-Bad relationship with a fickle, authoritarian mom
-Lack of any female interest in me, even treated as unworthy either for being white in a primarily Hispanic school and later, for being non-local in a small mountain town high school. Basically, looked down upon.
-An erratic, ill-tempered step-mother as a youth (Who I now have cordial, albeit rare interactions with)
-Not knowing one grandmother, and knowing the other as occasionally sweet, but otherwise exhaustive due to excessive anxiety and OCD. The step-grandmother was very self-righteous, judgmental, and otherwise cold in a lot of respects.
-I looked up to my aunts as a young boy, but in my teen years came to look at them as vapid (I use this word because it's mere use sounds egotistical on my part, which is what I'm trying to illustrate)
-The one or two girls that I have had a crush on in my life either turned out to be not worth it, or I overestimated their character appeal until getting to know them better.
-A mean stepsister (Who has since apologized for her meanness)
-A whole youth wasted on porn and viewing women as objects (And otherwise bizarre pornographic interests)
And this has been my personal experience with women. I don't think I have the full picture here or that I've arrived at healthy, true conclusions, which is why I suppose I'm on here, but right now, I can't slip out of the hurt and the eschewed sense that women are boring and not worth it and that some how, they all have enough negative for the positive not be appreciated. I know this is a wrong way of looking at it, but I feel like this is where I'm at. So could you guys help me out here in learning to appreciate women. Advice, books, articles, documentaries, heroic women who inspire even the most loathesome of men, etc... I need a woman appreciation boot camp.
Get thee hence to school! Get your ass to the gym, get off that couch, take a martial arts course, get active!!!!! When you get back to school take classes in art, english, and even women's studies (only as an adjunct to the required courses for your degree). Talk to the women in the class (not to hook up or date just talk) talk about the class work, school happenings, daily stuff, sports (if they're into them) just general stuff. If possible get a study group together that mixes men and women (so you can see how other men interact with the women). Get to know some women outside of sexually. Reading books or getting advice about how to meet women does exactly crap. No amount of knowledge does you any good unless you actually put yourself into the situation to utilize it. Now, after you get back into college go to mixers, bars, and parties and strike up non-sexual conversations with the non-prima-donna women there, just talk about stuff not for hookups, pick-ups, or sex, just stuff. Play pool, shoot darts, beer-pong, go bowling, whatever.
Indeed, very well said.
Agreed. It's the "God helps those who help themselves" deal. Even if you aren't religious, if YOU don't start doing something, you simply are going to be going nowhere in your life, and you'll be lonely. A lot.