Ok I feel a little silly asking this but the last time I was single, I was 18... I'm now 29 so I'm feeling like a total amateur in the male/female relationship department.
I've got this girl friend. We've known each other for a while but haven't really hung out in years. We've started talking a lot, she supported me through a breakup a couple weeks ago, and now we've arranged to hang out.
We talked about me cooking dinner for us, which I actually suggested really innocently and she seems cool with it...
Here's the thing. She has a boyfriend, of a couple years.
Now, from an outsiders point of view (or an insiders point of view to you guys who are in relationships) am I stepping out of line here? I REALLY don't want to screw with this girls relationship and I certainly don't want to cause this guy (who I don't know, I should add) any heartache.
So, should I take a step back a little and maybe rethink the dinner plans, or is it cool to proceed.
He's better off with a dog than a cat. Dogs are easy. They love anyone. Cats are advanced.
Some people apply the principle of not quitting their current job until they've got a new one to everything in their lives. I have a feeling the first interview went very well in this case. Now it's up to the prospective new employer to decide if he's got any openings, and whether or not there's a match...
Seriously, I haven't heard a single word about what the level of commitment between this girl and the current boyfriend is - maybe they're friends with benefits or something equally meaningless. Maybe she's unhappy, but afraid to jump without having someplace soft to land. Or maybe she's just being nice.
I have a secret method I use sometimes when I want to know what's in someone else's mind: I ask them. Doesn't always worth, but it's worth a shot...
I'd say this was totally innocent and no more should be read into it at all, it is dinner, not a weekend away in a tent. Cook nice food, open a bottle of wine and enjoy the evening.
You like her, she likes you, she knows you know she had a boyfriend, she feels safe and so should you.
Do you get the feeling that she is interested in something more than a friendship? Are you interested in anything more than a friendship? If the answer to the first question is yes and the second is no then you may want to rethink those dinner plans. If the first question is no and the second is yes then you may want to rethink those dinner plans. If the answer to both questions is no then what is the big deal? If the answer to both questions is yes then...
The dinner happened, it went well.
Prior to last night I'd have said the answer to both questions was a solid "I don't think so".
Now, the answer to the first is "I'm not sure", and the second is a solid "Yes".
And yes, I'm aware that I've now gotten myself into a potential mess.
Well, I'd say trust your gut. As Shields stated no woman who is emotionally attached to another guy would go to a single man's apartment for 5 hours. What happens now is up to you, and her of course. There are a few ways to play this. One is to just go for it ending up with her cheating on her current boyfriend (and the associated question of her possibly cheating on you in the future). The other is to just hang out and see what happens if nothing else you end up with another friend and who knows her current boyfriend may end up being your friend as well. Another way is to drop it. You don't know she's interested but you are; rather than take the chance of a broken heart (again) let her know you can't see her anymore.
Strong advice, thanks.
In all honesty, I'm comfortable at this stage to see how things go. I guess I don't really know how well or indeed how badly her current relationship is going, and I guess finding out more info about that (if genuine) might give me a better perspective on where I stand and how things may play out.
We just had too good of a time to just call it quits, I mean, I've had plenty of 'good friends' over the years, both male and female, but regardless of attraction, there's definitely a connection between her and I that I feel would be foolish to just disregard, even given the circumstances.
So the best case scenario is that she dumps her boyfriend and the two of you begin a relationship. Then you find yourself in a relationship where it is acceptable for her to have one on one dinner at another guys house and spend half the night at his house talking into the night.
-Should end well.
-Should end well.
We are in dire need of a sarcasm font.
I see your point.
It feels kinda odd to me at this point anyway, because I'm completely into her, but then I know she's presumably going home and being with this guy. And I don't really feel envious or frustrated by that.
So I suppose my thoughts regarding what you've said is that maybe I'm not looking for a full on relationship with her either, but then again this really isn't just about sex, so I'm not sure.
but then again this really isn't just about sex
When is the last time you got laid?
Longer ago than I'd care to admit. And yes, that does include the "relationship" I was in two months ago.