So, this is how the thing goes:

My brother drinks, smokes and even got to use drugs in the past. He told me he is clean of drugs for years now, and I have no rason to think otherwise.

He had a violent past, but that aint no news because we both growed up in the worst neightborhood of the worst part of mexico. He was allways kind of aggresive, me too, so everytime we hang out together, we usually end up in an argument or mad at each other, but we forgett and forgive, But not this time; We were invited to a family party, wich is weird, since we are not too close to our family  since our mother got killed, but we decided to go.

I need to set something clear; im eighteen and my brother is twentyeight, when our mother got killed, he went out of town, into a god´s forgotten place, really far from our neightborhood, I stayed with our old dad, obviusly, since I was eight years old when that happened, We both got into some trouble, He got a family, wife and daughter and I got to study medicine after I quited a gang because I got shot four times, and almost got killed, but now we both got "legal" life styles.

when we got the invitations, we decided to go, just to prove our family that we (considered the black sheeps) are doing in fact fine, even my dad, who is very old decided to go. Now, when the date showed up, so did my brother at my door. But he got distracted by his old neightborhood amigos. They started drinking and messing around, his wife (my sister in law), my dad and I, knew this meant trouble, but decided to see how it turned on, wich was really bad. He got wasted, and my father told him of of his house, his wife, who went without him at the party, had to come back and pick him up to his own place, and he started to say senseless stuff to my dad. He dared to use our mothers name in order to try and hurt our father, saying: "si mi mamá estuviera aquí, things would be diferent!". I had to litteraly push him out of the door.

He allways does this kind of stuff, he is not capable of doing the right choice when temptation shows, his wife allways tells me that she doesnt stands him anymore, and my dad doesnt want to see him ever again.

He is tearing my family circle apart, I feel a murderous anger towards him for doing so. I wont let him damage himself and/or our father I would rather kill him my self. I tried the basics to help him, help groups, religion, family, nothing works.

If you understand what Im going through, pleace, I could use some good advise. thanks for your time.

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George, I think that your life situation is far removed from most of us here at this site.  It sounds like you have experienced more pain and danger than most of us.  That being said, family dynamics are something we do understand.  My initial thought is that your brother is still suffering from the death of your mother.   Alienation, anger, self abuse, these are all characteristics of a deep emotional wound.  If you've tried counselling, and that didn't work, then I suggest that you try the Church (if you are Catholic).   Your brother may respect a priest enough to discuss this matter and seek to forgive and be forgiven.

good luck!

...and you can't control it.

But you can follow the example of St. Monica, whose prayers were eventually answered.


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