Hi all,

I am in need of some advice to help a buddy of mine. He dropped out of college, and for the past 10 years or so (we're 29, both guys) he's been working in construction. I stayed in school and am now working on my MBA. He is constantly in back pain. Like, even just kneeling down to tie his shoes gives him pain. It's not like he can't move, but he's in pain.

I've always told him that he needs to see a doctor about it. But you gotta understand him, he's obstinate and stubborn. He thinks doctors won't do anything to help, they're all in it for the money, and even a bit scared that it may make things worse. Now, I'm not suggesting surgery (his pain isn't THAT serious, and this would only be a last resort), but I keep telling him that he needs to do something about it or else it's going to get worse. Heck, he's not even 30 yet!

But like I said, he's his stubborn self and won't listen. His fiancee doesn't really seem to care. Well, I  mean, I know she does, but I think she can do a lot more to persuade him to see a doctor. I spoke with her to see if she can do a bit more, since he and I don't live in the same city and we only see each other a month or two or so -- but I'm wondering if there's anything else I can do? Should I try to "push" the fiancee to persuade him? Don't get me wrong -- I like her and she likes me. But I just feel like she can do a bit more. This guy is my best friend, I care about him, and it hurts me to see him in pain like this.


Views: 84

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

No.  As long as he's mentally competent, it's his business; and if he isn't, it's still not yours.  Sorry you have to watch, but it is his choice.

What Will said

It depends on your relationship with him and the way your personalities jibe.  If you can get away with it, you might have to plan an "ambush"---make an appointment for him on a day you know he'll be available, go load him up, and say "you're going to the doctor--I'm not taking no for an answer".  Of course, it helps if you're right and he knows it.  I've had friends who could get away with something like that with me, and vice versa--if someone cares enough about him to get a little bossy---sort of a "friends don't let friends hurt themselves" attitude, it might just work.  You can tip his fiancée off as to what you're doing so she can help.

If you know that won't work, you might ask him "so what are you going to do about that chronic back problem that's not going away?", let him talk, and then give some suggestions he might not have considered.  Does he know about chiropractic treatment?  Does he have insurance?  Is he afraid that the only treatment available will be surgery?  Maybe he's thinking that the only thing they can do is prescribe muscle-relaxers and bed-rest, and he simply can't take the time off.

Whatever you try, I'd let it go after that---you don't want to alienate a friend while trying to help him.  Give it one good shot, then leave it alone.


Latest Activity

Chris Pogon joined Mike Norris's group


A group for watch aficionados
6 hours ago
Liam Strain replied to IThinkTherforeImMan's discussion Stoicism and Plato's tripartite theory of soul in the group Stoicism
"I honestly don't see how they can be directly compared. They seem like such different ways of approaching different questions, that trying to contrast them is nearly futile.  Can you expound a bit on where you think the central conflict…"
7 hours ago
Chris Pogon joined Rob Markoski's group


For the discussion of the Philosophy of Stoicism.
8 hours ago
Profile IconRoberto Felix and Chris Pogon joined J Roman's group

Higher Education

From the the original Latin word "collegium" an "universitas". Join us in the discussion of all things of higher education. Financial Aid, Traditional Learning, Vocations, Liberal Arts, balancing life and furthering an education.See More
8 hours ago
Joshua replied to Stuart Charles's discussion Work, work...
"In my 25 years I have worked a decent amount of jobs so far.  When I was in around 4th and 5th grade I used to work for a local family that make maple syrup by cutting tubing during the summer.  fast forward to 8th grade and I was working…"
9 hours ago
Chris Pogon joined Andrew LaBrador's group

Pipe & Co

A place to discuss the return of the pipe and the world of pipe smoking.See More
11 hours ago
Chris Pogon joined Justin Lloyd-Miller's group

The Appreciation of Motoring

This group is meant for the appreciation of a lost art among men: Motoring. Motoring differs from driving in the sense that it is an enjoyable activity, often precipitated by true gentlemen who have a passion for the open road and what it offers.
11 hours ago
Chris Pogon replied to Jim's discussion So what games are you playing? in the group Video Gaming
"Lets get some life back here! I have been playing Crypt of the Necrodancer lately, very fun and hard game! Unfortuanately I don't have muc time for gaming anymore, so it's the only game I have played in a few months."
11 hours ago

© 2016   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service