Hello, I'm new here and this is my first post. I need some guidance right now as I'm in a bad place. I have a 14 year old son. On Friday of last week he walked in on my "private time" with myself. Since then we've gone from buddies to acquaintances and I don't know what to do. He won't look me in the eye, barely speaks to me with the exception of 1 word answers or quick communication, keeps to his room, etc.
I did not mean for that to happen. I had forgotten he was off from school and took to my business when I woke up only to have him open his door and come to my room with a "hey Dad guess what;" I think we both were mortified. I apologized and he said OK. Now I have this situation.
I should have double checked the house, I should have had my door closed, it should have been locked, etc. It is ultimately my fault. He's at a tough age. We never had the official "sex talk," but I've told him to be safe now that's he's older and may make adult decisions. I failed with that and admit it.
So where do I go from here as a single father? Do I force a sit down conversation and clear the air? Do I continue to let this go until he's over it? Clearly he must know that a man has needs by now and I'm confused at why this was a big deal. Uncomfortable and I wish it never happened? Yes. But on some level, it's also natural.
Heres the advice: Don't do it, or stop doing it at least. Here's why: I know I'll take some heat here, but men should be over that, for heck sakes, what if it had been a daughter, then what? Be clean, be an example, and be a good one. Talk it out.
Well, if it had been a daughter she should know not to walk through doors unaccompanied by a man. Even absent that, I'd like to believe that her head scarf would prevent her from seeing anything untoward.
She should be backing in while prostrate, less headscarf and/or male accompaniment, NOTHING should be seen.
Ignore it. In a week, ask him to play some ball or have a catch. Never mention it. If he brings it up, yell at him for not having any manners and to always knock. Storm off.
Men, thanks for all of your comments, suggestions and help, I really do appreciate it and I'm thankful I found a site like this. It is hard when you’re stuck with a topic that you can't exactly bring up at the bar with your buds and ask for help. I bit the bullet last evening and cleared the air about the situation, had what we call "the talk" and it was so relieving and so great in many ways. What I thought was going to take 15 minutes turned in to 2.5 hours of talking about the meaning and purpose of life. It definitely brought us closer together and I have a whole new respect for him, because sometimes as a parent, we don't realize how much our kids know and what they're outlook is on life. I was amazed. The kid is growing up and has his head on straight…and that...I am thankful for. So we ended the conversation with the promise to be open with each other and able to talk about anything. I've always been pretty lenient, but extremely firm with consequences and guess it worked. I feel more confident he'll make good decisions in life. We shall see. Thanks again!
And for the record...the big deal was that he thought I was mad at him, which I did suspect that could be the issue. I'm glad that was the answer.
And also..if anyone else is mulling over this..just do it.
Well done, Eric. I'm always suprised at how my kids are willing to discuss these types of touchy topics. This stuff is on their mind, but usually they are too embarrassed to bring it up.
Way to man up!
Thanks! I think on some level I did this more for me to kill the anxiety of this is eventually gonna have to happen, ha!
That is fantastic. Good work, Dad. Keep it up! :)
He's embarassed and he's a teenager. At that age, even if you (the father) stumble getting into the car you're "Ebarassing Him". Because he's not mature yet he gets angry with what embarasses him, you, his mother, his sister, his little brother... That part you need to understand and simply deal with until he grows out of this stage.
Now, for the other part. You NEED to have the 'talk' with him. Especially if you're a single father. Let him know that masturbation is normal, even in when you're in a relationship but let him know also, that too much masturbation isn't normal and can hurt in the long run. Let him know you're sorry for not locking the door (but not for the masturbation part). And from now on, lock the damn door even if you think you're alone.
Hey, did you guys hear that Whitney Houston just died?
...a fine vocalist she was.