Hello Everyone,

I've been noticing something lately between my fiance and I. We seem to not have much in common anymore and it's making me feel bored/disconnected when we are together. We are great people and I have nothing against her. There have been situations I have tried including her in things I do like music, gaming, video production, and just socializing with friends. It seems to always end up in the same place though (where we don't do that stuff) and I don't know what to do.

On a side note as well we found out she was pregnant about 2 months ago and it's creating some sexual issues. I won't go into details because it has just created some distance and there is some psychological confidence/physical things that are changing with this pregnancy for her.

I've got good advice here before. Let me know what you think.

Thanks,

Dustin

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A married couple should want to spend time together.  They need not like exactly the same things, though.  Sometimes you tolerate your spouse's crap for the company rather than the actual event.  She doesn't need to like gaming or video production or whatever ... she just needs to like you.  Don't discount how much the pregnancy is affecting her here.  She may theoretically want to do stuff with you, but really just not feel like it.


As for sex during pregnancy ... cut her some slack.  Pregnancy really messes with women.  Hormones are all over the place -- especially during the first trimester.  They're sick and extremely exhausted for the first few months ... but they look fine, so its difficult for men to sympathize.  The second trimester is usually better -- more energetic, a bit horny.  The third is the roughest ... but its easier for men to understand because they look uncomfortable all the time.

She'll get past it.  Just make sure both of you are eventually focused on things returning-to-normal once she returns to normal.

JB

I second what Jack said. In addition, she needs you to step it up right now. This may not be what you want to hear, but if you feel a disconnect, see what you can do for her. Not trying to bust your chops, but your post has a lot about what you are not getting out of the relationship, what she is not giving you, and what she is not showing interest that you like.

Try finding some things she wants to do. Do things for her she doesn't expect. She is insecure, probably a little scared right now, so show her you are there for her and she can relax a little. Focus on what she needs instead of what you want, and you will soon start seeing her connect better when she feels more secure.

For women, being intimate requires them to be comfortable with themselves. Her body is going through all kinds of things right now and she is in that "I am gona get fat" phase. Reassure her that she is still beautiful to you and don't go in expecting anything.  The irony is the less you worry about what you want/need the more likely it is you will get just that.

+1 on that,

She's carrying the child, you need to pick up the rest for the time being. As with everything in life, this too shall pass.

As for the bored/disconnected feeling, I recommend reflecting back on things you used to do, the stuff that brought you together back when the relationship was exciting and new.  Try revisiting some of those old things, even be it with a nostalgic frame of reference. Couples going through difficult times should always be able to reflect back on the good times to carry them through. I think the less pressure you put on this situation the better it will be in the long run. She's your fiance, she's carrying your child, she is in the inner most circle of your life. As a man you must be patient, loving, and non-judgemental for the time being.  In time the green will return to the grass.

How long have yall been engaged? When were you planning to get married?

Was thinking the same question. What's the plan?

A relationship is work. And it never stops. 

That said work can be very enjoyable even when its hard. I was married less then a year ago and 10.5 months later we had our little girl. I recommend getting very seroius and intentional about your relationship because it now has a child involved in the equation. Before if it broke up it would have been regretful but of no consequence. Now a child is a long term tye to one another. 

How can you be the man of your home? Start with being a great husband and preparing to be a great father. One of the best books I read was Love and Respect. I don't understand women but it helped me understand a little more about her and a little more about what she needs from me. 

Et Pater semper est magnus vir!

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