Got any interesting ideas for Mother's Day gifts? I could use a few. I'm getting stale with my approach to Mother Day gifts. I've list a few of my thoughts below.

Chocolates.  Give her a fancy box of chocolates or a syringe full of endorphins – they both produce the same response.  Chocolates are powerful.  The last time my wife unwrapped a box of chocolates, the lights in our bedroom automatically softened, which is odd since we never installed dimmer switches.  Be careful when you’re making an in-store decision on which box to purchase.  I highly recommend choosing a safe, traditional assortment.  Some chocolate makers fill their products with the strangest of combinations.  I once bought an expensive “international” box of covered chocolates that contained scrumptious surprises such as yak meat, raw squid, potato and chocolate covered pork egg rolls. To be extra cautious, nonchalantly open an identical box at the retail outlet and bite into a few before you make a final purchase.  Dictators and tyrants employ food tasters to protect against assassinations and coup d'états – and Mother's Day certainly presents you with the same level of risk.

Flowers.  I hate dealing with florists.  They’re so smug.  I ask for a $30 bouquet; they ask “what kind of flowers?”  I respond with “whatever’s in season”; they respond with “we sell a wide variety.”  I snipe back “how about an assortment?”  They reply, “would you like any roses?”  Frustrated, I usually calm down by perusing the display cooler and eyeballing other pre-assembled, beautiful bouquets waiting for pickup.  I want to publicly apologize to “Bert Hooper.” Last year, I grabbed his and raced to the checkout.

Jewelry.  If your wife has hinted about a diamond ring, black pearl necklace or tennis bracelet (has nothing to do with the sport), you’re screwed.  That means she has already picked out something that’s on hold for you at the mall’s most expensive store. The gift will cost at least twice as much as your imagination can handle.

Frogman’s Wetsuit.  Oh, come on!  Don't act like this is a weird gift idea!  Every husband fantasizes about his wife wearing a frogman’s outfit.  And don’t add bubbles to the bathtub because she’ll inhale them through her matching frogman’s snorkel.

Perfume.  To purchase this gift for your wife, use completely opposite criteria compared to buying your own cologne.  A great purchase for you involves a three-gallon jug that hooks up to your garden hose for easier application, priced around $3.95, and typically named after some part of a cowboy’s life.  For your wife’s perfume, purchase a two-ounce designer mist spray bottle for approximately $259, named after some French dude or one of his six poodles.

Gift Certificate.  They’re generally a safe and appreciated gift, but for some reason certificates from Beer Depot and Nothing But Tools don’t create the fawning you might have expected.  Also, remember that coupons do not elicit the same reaction as a gift certificate.  Try day spas and beach resorts, but remember that these destinations include other people touching and rubbing your wife’s body, such as masseurs and cabana boys.

Cash.  It’s generally okay to give lots of money, but never combine it with a see-through nightie. Most wives don’t enjoy feeling like a high-society hooker employed by a rednecked escort service.

Donation Gift Card for “Save the Spotted Owl Fund.”  Show your sensitive, world-view side and donate to a worthy cause in her honor.  Improving the lives of poor, helpless forest creatures elicits a very positive response.

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Usually, we hold discussions, possibly with a link if there's an article to discuss.  Here's the link for this one:

This OP reads like a poor attempt at humor or sarcasm or else somebody's come out from under a bridge.



Yes, I'm glad you recognized it as an attempt at humor or sarcasm. As as far as coming out from under a bridge, I didn't.  But I have helped people get out from under them.

I utterly refuse to give cut flowers for any event, save for a funeral.  They're already dead, and will only wither.


When giving flowers, I always give a live plant...if it's someone I really care about, like my mother, it'll be a plant I raised and nurtured.


As for fragrances, I've never encountered one I could tolerate, so that's off the table regardless of whether it's named after a cowboy, a "French dude," or any of his poodles.

Live plants - simply idea, but I love it. And there's something to be said about no artificial fragrances. Your advice approaches "practical genius."

Jess, that's another great idea. I once thought about taking a class about how to give a massage, and give that as a gift. But I haven't followed through on that brainstorm.


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