Hey, me again, this time with another question. Recently, my mother asked me what I was going to wear to baccalaureate. I told her nothing, since as it wasn't a required event, and we weren't Christian, it didn't make sense for us to go. Unfortunately, this started a massive argument, the kind that takes a half an hour and ends with both parties feeling slighted. During the argument, I asked why she thought this was so important, and she replied by saying that everyone expected me to be there, which also confused me, because no one in my family's Christian. Then she claimed that after all the work she put in as a parent, she deserved this. I replied that wanting me to go to important events is fine, but not when its express purpose (in this case, dedicating students to God,) completely clashes with both my and what I assumed was the rest of my family's beliefs. Am I in the right here, or am I just being a jerk?
I don't think this is a "cut the cord" issue. There are certain things you should just do out of respect for your parents, even after the cord is cut.
Even aside from the "17 and living at home" thing, we're not talking about an unreasonable demand, letting her cross a boundary, or having her dictate your life to you. This isn't an example of an overly-intrusive mother, even if he were 25 and living on his own. We're talking about taking a couple of hours out of your life to do something you'd rather not just because she'd like you to. That's not being a "momma's boy" ... that's just being a son.
I have no problem telling my mother 'no' (or even "back off") if the occasion calls for it. I've done it before, and I'll do it again. This occasion just doesn't call for it.
I disagree with you because of some of the clues I gleaned from the original post.
What may seem like a "reasonable demand" is not brought up in a healthy manner.
As Tyler said in the OP, "wanting me to go to important events is fine, but not when its express purpose (in this case, dedicating students to God,) completely clashes with both my and what I assumed was the rest of my family's beliefs."
If there is a divide in expectations and clashing assumptions from both sides, my take is that the occasion does call for a "no", or at least a deep discussion about what is at stake. Who are represented in "everybody expects you to be there"? A clear example of something that needs to be clarified by Tyler and his mother.
Granted, being 17 and living at home does change things quite a bit. I think Tyler should make things expressly clear to his mother about why he will or will not go, and she should be clear about why she thinks he should or should not go, or why she wished for him to go.
Oh, I think I was either misunderstood or I misspoke. I do in fact, live with my mother. And to clarify for you, I honestly do not know why she wants me to go. This seems to be a complete 180 for our family.
Tyler, I think as long as you express that " I honestly do not know why she wants me to go. This seems to be a complete 180 for our family," you will be on the right track.
he isn't really a man. He is 17... Since society isn't keeping him accountable for his actions he has to answer to his parents.
Haha..."He isn't really a man." You sound a bit like my girlfriend.
I don't mean it in a dogging sense. Nor did I mean it in any way to degrade who you are. In my opinion, you can't really be a man until you are 100% responsible for your actions.
And after 10 years in the military I can tell you first hand that your age is the least of these measures. I know officers, sergeants, and new privates who don't grasp this core concept.
Keep your chin up though, one way or another manhood will hit. For some, it hits like a ton of bricks. Others it comes like a slow leak. Myself, I didn't have a clue to this idea until I got my "combat cherry" broken in Iraq. I am not trying to glorify war, or romanticize the reality of war. I was just too bullheaded and stubborn to learn until I had no choice.
No offense, but to someone who is seriously considering joining the military after college out of a sense of civic duty...the idea of something like a "combat cherry" is horrifying. Also, my girlfriend is laughing in the background because apparently she misread your post over my shoulder and thought that you literally went to Iraq to break cherries.
Just an update for anyone still interested. Today was the ceremony. I rushed home after work and attended the ceremony. I'll admit, it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. However, whoever makes those graduation caps and gowns really needs to update the material to something a bit more airy. I about passed out sitting there in our unairconditioned gym.
It's kind of annoying how easily offended so many atheists choose to be. You're being that guy right now. Don't be that guy.
I've been doing church stuff to stay on my mother's good side since I figured out how important it is to her.
I was in hearty agreement with your first statement.........theeeeeen, I read you second statement. Anything it seems except the slightest tinge of anything that is labeled "Christian" for it's own sake. At least you both went. Not so bad after all was it?
To be honest, I couldn't tell you what happened during the ceremony, because I was too busy focusing on not passing out. It had to be at least 95 degrees in that gym. However, I did like it when one priest sang "Ave Maria." Guy had one heck of a singing voice.