Mother making me go to baccalaureate?
Hey, me again, this time with another question. Recently, my mother asked me what I was going to wear to baccalaureate. I told her nothing, since as it wasn't a required event, and we weren't Christian, it didn't make sense for us to go. Unfortunately, this started a massive argument, the kind that takes a half an hour and ends with both parties feeling slighted. During the argument, I asked why she thought this was so important, and she replied by saying that everyone expected me to be there, which also confused me, because no one in my family's Christian. Then she claimed that after all the work she put in as a parent, she deserved this. I replied that wanting me to go to important events is fine, but not when its express purpose (in this case, dedicating students to God,) completely clashes with both my and what I assumed was the rest of my family's beliefs. Am I in the right here, or am I just being a jerk?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tyler Wayne Perdue on -
Eh, I want to say your post is right, but my family is small and all live in the general area, and the only people in my school that come to baccalaureate are the ones that I don't really want to associate with, as they're the ones who made life in school rather uncomfortable, once they learned that I didn't go to church.
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Permalink Reply by AJkillface on
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Aw man that’s a bummer to hear, I think I know the type you're talking about. Sounds like the kind of people who judge, pressure and painstakingly just bombard you as to why you don't think the way they do. And I hate to tell ya what you already know, but it looks like your going to have to choose the better of two undesirable situations.
Personally (and this is just my opinion) I would go to the baccalaureate. And here is my reasoning. It's much easier to ignore, argue, or simply tell kids your age to _____ off, than it is to face off against your mother. Again that’s just my rational, you’re going to have to figure out what is right and best for you here, and ultimately the rest of your life. Good luck with it man I wish you the best.
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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on -
You should go to the service. Here's a secret about being 18 and older: It's like being a toddler again in that the parties "in your honor" are really for the much older attendees. This includes everything dealing with graduations and your eventual, hopeful wedding. The up side is you don't need anyone's permission to throw a party you'll actually enjoy at non-obvious occasions.
Addressing some implicit errors: Once you finish your coursework/exams, no activities are "required," so your participation in the whole graduation weekend is up to you and your parents. Second, under the circumstances, your attending this service says nothing about your actual religious beliefs. It's like attending a wedding of a friend of another religion. Your mother understands this, as do her friends. Third, it may not be a Christian service. The dictates of the Supreme Court take a while to trickle into Middle America, I know, but a public school cannot sponsor religious speech or services.
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Permalink Reply by Tyler Wayne Perdue on
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Unfortunately, that's where you're technically right, but in this case, wrong. My school, although public, is pretty explicitly Christian. But what confuses me, though, is the fact that they want me to go in the first place, as no one in my family is Christian. We are all pretty comfortable in our agnosticism.
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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on
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Look, my future in-laws are likely materialist atheists, yet they're insisting on a rabbi and ketubah at my Anglican wedding. Big events like graduations make people warp into a different mindset. It's best to just roll with it.
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Permalink Reply by The Original Cody on -
Never heard of a baccalaureate... apparently it is some kinda prayer before a graduation? Sounds silly to me if you arn't religious folk.
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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on -
If you're an athiest why would it matter if you went? You can hang out with your friends afterwards. Your mother supported you through school so the least you can do is this one thing for her to let her know your appreciation of her sacrifices.
This whole graduation thing, it's to let the parents know that their kids are going to be leaving the nest and it provides a closure of some sort. I don't know if your mother is religious or not or if she recently found religion but she may be looking for a ceremony that asks God to look out for you and keep you safe now that she won't be around 24/7 to do that particular job. Suck it up and go, stop being a jerk d;D.
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Permalink Reply by Tyler Wayne Perdue on
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None of my friends will be there, because as our baccalaureates tend to be very, very Christian, few of them feel very welcome there. Past baccalaureates haven't been very encouraging.
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Permalink Reply by Will on -
I don't follow. I had to look this up.
If it's that important to her, and it sure sounds like it is, maybe you should go. But as a Christian, I cringe at people going to church services against their will, and I would respect more someone refusing to participate. She apparently sees it differently. I've graduated 4 times counting HS, and I've never had parents come to a service that wasn't graduation itself. To me, it's odd that she cares -- but she does.
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Permalink Reply by Tyler Wayne Perdue on
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I tried to refuse, but she simply ended the argument by saying that if I'm not there Sunday, then there will be consequences. She didn't specify, and with my mom, I try not to get on her bad side. She stays mad for weeks.
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Permalink Reply by LShieldes on
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Seriously, you are 18, you are graduating, and it is at most an hour or two out of your life. You are going to be leaving home soon, you are moving on and you are supposed to be showing you are groing up.
That being said, I am going to say this explicitly and straight to the point.
Suck it the fuck up and move on.
You aren't going to win anything if you go or if you don't go. In 1 year, you aren't even going to remember. It is a non event, it isn't the Alama, it is something your mom wants you to attend.
Try growing up already and realize that we all have to deal with stupid shit just to make someone else a little happier. Just wait until you are married and deal with stupid stuff your wife likes or you are at work and have the pleasure of meetings.
I was an atheist at that time, didn't want to go, but I knew it was important of others. Sat there, didn't pay attention and simply moved on.
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Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on -
Indeed. Suck it up, quit being a baby, and sit quietly for a couple of tedious hours to make your mom happy. She's sat through a bunch of your crap when she'd rather have been somewhere else. Its the least you can do.
It ain't about you. It rarely is. Your graduation is for your parents. Your wedding is for your wife, and your parents, and her parents, and your Grandma. Christmas is for the kids. Anniversary is for the wife.
This won't be the last time you're stuck somewhere you don't want to be. Just think of all the hours you'll get to spend at niece's birthday parties, or horrible chick flicks with the wife or girlfriend, or dance recitals, or little league games, or jr. high band concerts, or high school cheerleading contests. Blah, blah, blah. Even better ... you'll get to pay to be at most of those things. At least this is free.
Its important to your mom, and going won't take any skin off your ass. Just put a smile on it, and go out of respect for your mother -- like a grown man.
JB
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