Gents,

a crisis has erupted recently in American politics. It distracts the nation from the serious business of electioneering with comparatively frivolous questions at the same time it addresses a fundamental weakness in higher education, which should not be abandoned to vulgar titillation. It would be a boon to politics & sex both if it could be addressed & those involved most in this matter would surely reap the benefits that accrue to benefactors of mankind. All this started with something to small, comparatively speaking, & so curious, that you would be excused from not taking it seriously. However, this kind of fever is best treated early, when it has not shown its dangers, rather than be faced years down the road, when, untreated, festering, it can become violent. So the young woman could no longer pay for her contraception deserves at the least the erection of a statue to give satisfaction to herself as well as those for which she so innocently & selflessly spoke out. This is one of the most serious problems created by the irresponsibility of the American male in his latest incarnation. At the same time, it is a new problem for new times & it requires the new manliness to address it.

It would be unmanly to go looking for causes on such matters, laying blame, as it were, at someone else's doorstep, & I will not encourage such attempts. Especially in our circumstances, which happily present a simple solution that would urgently set wrongs right. We would not fall limp, but give stiff assurance of our vitality & our enthusiasm to solve such a serious problem. It would give the young males of the species an added sense of responsibility & even of being providers. & at the same time it would assure young women that they have are not abandoned in-between sexual encounters. Only good can come of this & it will be more pleasant than any good heretofore advertised to the attention of student activism & activism more broadly...

The more mature among my audience have already guessed that I mean to suggest that the males pick up the tab for sex. I know this is not beyond the reach of the minds, hands, & wallets of many of you. I do not mean to insult you by suggesting I am being original. I merely want to say what many must have thought, but have not yet said.

In college, I knew not a few young males who had shown the unusual gallantry of paying for the abortions of women. The most generous among them did not even do it because they loved the woman or because they had received compelling evidence that they had impregnated the woman. It was just a show of their liberality, helping a young woman in a difficult situation, thus earning a reputation & encouraging the connection between familiarity & support. They showed they cared, to be brief.

Sympathy, however needs institutional help, especially on large campuses, so it would be important to use the various outreach efforts & diversity centers on campus to raise awareness of the needs for - & the advantages that redound to - young males who show this commitment to sexual diversity &, of course, feminism. Young males should be encouraged to discuss these matters among themselves & to try to find out how best to arrange their matters in order to solve this problem in the particular cases which arouse their interest.

The culture, above all, has to change, so as to remove the stigma from young males whose character really cannot be impeached, being protected by the shield of the most famous education America & the world can offer, & who would support & indeed lead in a manly fashion the efforts to install the kind of rules that would provide contraception for women's needs, taking into account fully the local situation & delegating decision-making to the parties most intimately concerned with & aware of the situation. Such young males would of course deserve the praise of their colleges & of important national associations for their assiduous efforts on behalf of young women's health issues & they would immeasurably benefit the prestige of their alma maters, no doubt. They would make every effort to come to know in an accurate & a deep sense the contraception needs of as many young women as practicable & would therefore never be open to the accusation that they do not know the problem or are not interested in solving it or are not competent.

A safety net, finally, has to be provided for young women in-between partners & for those sexual encounters which by their fleeting nature cannot easily lead to the knowledge & responsibility required to meet head-on the need, although of course even in such cases, as has been done sometimes in the past, the scientific study & the search for first-hand accounts could lead to the compilation of a kind of database which would be of the greatest utility, detailing the needs & the circumstance which arouse them, & thus this would provide full knowledge of these matters to the public & especially to those most interesting in solving this problem. Those who feel the thrust of the future, I am sure, understand there is a need for hands-on leadership to bring this matter urgently to satisfaction, lest it explode & put to shame or ridicule more people than would be affected by the more subtle solution I am proposing here.

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Titus?

 You sir, are an artist. 

I am not anything if not an artist! Thank you, kindly-

tl;dr

Late to the party (as usual) but I look at it rather simply: cheaper to pay for women's birth control than to pay her wellfare for the next 18 years when she gets pregnant.

An excellent point.  But, to ensure that we are discussing the same thing, what does this have to do with the government overstepping its bounds, and requiring *employers* to provide the contraceptives to the employees, through the company insurance plan, and at their cost?

 

It is the establishment of an entitlement, and the way in which the mandate is being forced upon us, that is the core issue for many of us.

 

No one wants to ban contraceptives.  We are, however, asking why it is being forced upon us in this manner, seemingly out of a sense of entitlement.  Why, if the government insists that contraception is a basic right (it's not), do they not give them *directly* to us?  Why, instead, are they forcing individuals (employers are individuals) to comply, regardless of their personal or religious beliefs?

 

Might it be possible that contraception is the excuse, and the goal is the establishment of a legal precedent in which the government's demands are allowed to take precedence over the individual's will?  That would be a dangerous, and far reaching precedent.

the goal is the establishment of a legal precedent in which the government's demands are allowed to take precedence over the individual's will?

Is this really a precedent?

Titus, it is very apparent you are a very well-read, intelligent and passionate fellow. I would certainly not want to challenge you in debate on most topics, your intellectual rigor far surpasses mine.
However, after taking another crack at this, I still find this very difficult reading. You take sentence structure to its limit, stringing thoughts together with "&" after "&", until I get lost halfway and have to start over.
I cordially urge you to not be so ambitious all the time in what you expect of English structure. Shorten your sentences, let them say a thing or two, so your reader can chew and then swallow, then move on to the next one.
Don't make your brilliance have to fight its way out from a pileup of verbiage.

You do me a kindness I cannot deserve. You suppose my brilliance wants to fights its way out, when really, what little wit I may have wants to fight its way in...

A man has to stand for something, but I do not have to stand for these bratty simpletons who think they've outsmarted me because they've learnt an acronym for their laziness or disinterest. They are easily purged, if one does not encourage their moral turpitude.

The question is whether you'd rather pay the price for popularity & end up their muse -- or otherwise be taken for a simpleton. Or put it this way: would you rather be thought smarter or dumber than you really are?

I only stand for a healthy sense of humor & do my best to develop it in others. Had I had my way, every sentence of that text would have been even funnier than it is & it would have reflected the main joke even more. My abilities being as limited as they are, I am not all that entertaining.

But you rarely see the world as it is without seeing it as it appears in poetic inventions. It just happens to come very easily to me, putting myself in others' shoes & showing where that proverbial mile leads-

My abilities being as limited as they are, I am not all that entertaining.

Occasionally false modesty and truth swerve into the same lane.

Wait Danger, are you saying I am lying by telling the truth or telling the truth by lying?

An orange, because a motorcycle has no doors.

The word for which you are vainly searching is uncle-

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