What are your thoughts of being friends/making new friends of the opposite gender when in a committed relationship?

I'm having trouble defining if this is ok or not and if it is, under what circumstances exactly...?

For instance...Talked to a new female coworker who has same interests, drop the fact right away that I'm with a girl who I think is great and I'm not a single man. Coworker says "Well you're a cool dude, let's hang out sometime and bring your gf along." She asks for number under that context and I give it to her.

Yet I feel guilty for some reason...Why? Just the act of giving my number to a girl in an 1-on-1 conversation felt like pushing a boundary.

If this girl from work txts me anything outside of the context of work or sports then I will just tell her sorry but I don't wish to disrespect my girlfriend by talking to another girl on my personal time.

Just not sure why this seems like a tricky subject.

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It's not ok.
1. It's unnecessary.
2. It's disrespectful to put your girl in a situation to test her trust.
3. You'll wanna bang her at some point. Why even create the situation?
4. It's just another open door to drama.
Be an adult. Keep other women at arms length and strictly professional.
It's not extreme. It's respecting yourself, your girl and your relationship.
The new relationship is unnecessary and is an open door to drama.
Emotionally mature men know better.

You're over-thinking this.  She said she got your number so she could hang out with your girlfriend and you.  There's no betrayal, no boundaries crossed.  If she acts weird about it, that's another story.

It's good for coupled people to still have single friends and vice versa.  Otherwise, people need new friends every time their romantic relationship status changes.  

When I was single, I'd invite couple friends to hang out.  I tried to arrange things through the women, but sometimes I only had the men's contact information.  I can think of a few instances where the husbands regularly attended my church, but the wives not as often, or attended other churches.

"You're over-thinking this.  She said she got your number so she could hang out with your girlfriend and you.  There's no betrayal, no boundaries crossed.  If she acts weird about it, that's another story."


And, if you tell your GF/wife "Hey! One of my colleagues wants to hang out with us soon. I gave her my number because she said she'd get in touch once she's set something up." then all the cards are on the table and you never have to have the awkward "Some girl has your phone number? You gave it to her? Why did you never tell me about this?" conversation. 

If there's nothing to hide then don't hide it. Simple as that. 

Yep,  as with most of life shared with another its about communication and keeping each other in the loop.  Beyond that don't over think it.

"Yet I feel guilty for some reason...Why?"

Because you think she's hot and you want to bang her. 

"If this girl from work txts me anything outside of the context of work or sports then I will just tell her sorry but I don't wish to disrespect my girlfriend by talking to another girl on my personal time."

Yep. That's the standard operating procedure for that situation. 

"Just not sure why this seems like a tricky subject."

It's not a tricky subject. If you have purely honourable intentions then there's nothing to worry about. But, deep down, if you think she's hot and you want to bang her, even though you would never try because you're in a committed relationship, you'll always have a bit of guilt tingling in the back of your mind. 

You are over thinking it.

When you get together invite your girlfriend along.  If she can't join that is fine and enjoy your friend but leave gender out of it.

When my girlfriend (now wife) hung out with an old boy friend I requested she be in my bed that night.  I trust her but humans are stupid sometimes and its best to shut down stupid thoughts.

If your girlfriend asks for this don't take it as doubt about your faith take it as shutting down stupid thoughts.

Can't figure the upside.  Lots of downside.

I agree with Denny ... if she's not a friend of both of you, I'd vote no.  It's not necessary.  It's not helpful.  It's not beneficial.  It's just a temptation you don't need.  Even if your girl says she's OK with it.

Definitely no alone-time.  Ever.


As long as it's only blowjobs.

Giving or receiving?

It is a tricky subject, men and women have a complicated dynamic without adding in a romantic interest into the equation. I am no expert, but I would not engage in any close friendships with the opposite sex while committed to a romantic relationship, unless my partner is also involved. Casually talking to a coworker for a minute or two is one thing, it is a little weird to get calls or texts from them. If you picked up your partner's phone and saw another man texts her regularly talking about things that are sort of personal, such as hobbies, would it bother you? I am not sure I would be comfortable with that, it would be sort of like she is sharing too much of her personal life with another man, sort of like she is splitting herself between two relationships. That said it is my inexpert opinion, and every relationship is different, but having your partner involved makes it seem less clandestine, more in the open, and sharing your life with them, but again that's just me.

Some people can be friends with the opposite sex and not have an issue with it single or not, others do not feel comfortable with it (I am the one of these).  It is not disrespectful of your girlfriend and if you feel comfortable having a girl who is a friend then there is no reason not to, however it seems as if you are not comfortable with it.  I wouldn't state things seem disrespectful because unless the conversations are of a romantic or intimate nature.  If it doesn't seem natural to have a female friend then don't but it seems as if your discomfort is being mislabeled, I don't think it is because you have a girlfriend.


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