I'm wondering what your thoughts are regarding love in marriage (or relationships in general). Are you looking for "the one", for some ideal?
I have also seen the movie, The Wedding Planner, with J.Lo. It's a terrible movie, but there's a line in there that stuck with me. J.Lo's father (in the movie) said he married her mother in an arranged marriage and the two didn't like each other for they were in love with someone else each. But slowly, he developed an appreciate for her taking care of him when he was sick, that appreciation turned to respect, that respect turned to like, and that like turned to love so deep that he never thought possible.
What are your thoughts on this, especially to guys out here who are married? Did you marry your wives on the fairy tale-like love, a type of love from the movie above, or some other type?
I was taught that love is not the same as infactuation. I was taught is something you decide to give to another person. So, I am married 17 years to one person, the only person I ever dated. I was also taught that love is like a canopy held by four poles staked into the ground. Each person must bring the two poles of respect and trust over which love is draped. Without these two love will not be able to stand over the two. These principles shaped a lot of how I approached my choice in marriage and even my on-going approach to sustaining it. It may seem less "romantic," but it has been what has worked for us.
Similar to relate and relationship - quit looking for love and start loving already. Love is not a possession, your wife is not a possession, everyone are really free individuals. What makes the relating work is to actively love each other. Practice Dāna.
You're right, love is not a possession it is something you choose to give but the more you give the more you have.
At first it was the 'honeymoon'. Once that is over each day you make the choice, the decision if you will that you love your spouse. Somedays that is the only 'love' you feel.
Almost 43 years ago, my wife and I not only committed our lives to each other but we also committed to the marriage. For we knew in advance that we would fail one another in many ways over the years and that love is a choice not a feeling. Being committed to the marriage means that we knew that marriage is a sacred trust in which the two of us are bound together.The crux of it all is that selfishness can't hang around long if deepening the relationship is expected.
No, we didn't have a media wedding or a storybook wedding and life together where we all have lived happily ever after. I will insert my poem that I wrote long ago regarding long term relationships. Oh, by the way, my wife and I have a spiritual life together that makes it all work.
Now, the poem:
Slick covers say youthful looks