Hey Gentleman, a bit of a sad subject here. One of my coworkers had a child recently (named him Hudson Hawk, how legit is that), a baby boy and after being home for a couple of weeks the baby died of SIDS. I am going to the visitation tomorrow and would like to give something to the father, any ideas outside of the usual flowers and such. 

Thank you sirs. 

Tags: children, death, funeral

Views: 158

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

A hug.

True that

Nothing is more painful to a parent than the death of their child. Nothing. I have served in the Army for many decades and intimately know death from long, painful experience. The only thing you can do is offer condolences (sympathy) for their loss and mourn silently with them. Be fully present with them in their time of unimaginable grief – no chatting, joking, checking your watch, texting, answering your cell phone (leave the damned cell phone in the car!), or averting yourself in any way from their anguish. At most you might offer something like “Please let me know if I can do anything for you”, but say absolutely nothing else. Above all, do not attempt to philosophize about the greater meaning of death, life, or healing. Many jerks have done that during the innumerable funerals I’ve attended over the years and I can assure you such ignorance of human suffering is not quickly forgiven. This time of mourning is for THEM, not you, so all you can or should do is silently and respectfully mourn with them.

My neighbors lost their three-year old in October to the flu (it kills, get vaccinated).  The service was heart-breaking.  The church was packed with adults singing children songs.  It made you want to run home and hug your kids the rest of the day.  During the service, the minister offered advice to the crowd.  Bad things happen.  Don't try to justify it or place blame.  It's not anyone's fault.  It wasn't God's will for the child to die.  You don't know the pain they feel.  Console the family.  Be supportive in the coming days.  Say hello when you see them and help them not feel isolated.

I wen't to a funeral of a coworker's son.  In lieu of flowers, our office gave her a gift certificate to a nursery to plant a tree in his memory in the spring.

Nursery, man that is a cool idea. Thanks for that. 

"I'm terribly sorry."  There's nothing better that can be said.

What to give?  I don't know.  I can't think of anything relevant.

I agree about the hug and the silent presence.  A quote from Allan Quatermain, when his two friends come to visit after the death of Quatermain's son:

"All this while Curtis and Good had been silent, feeling, I suppose, that they had nothing to say
that could do me any good, and content to give me the comfort of their presence and
unspoken sympathy; for it was only their second visit since the funeral.
And it is, by the way, from the presence of others that we really derive support in our dark
hours of grief, and not from their talk, which often only serves to irritate us.
Before a bad storm the game always herd together, but they cease their calling."

RSS

Latest Activity

Jones replied to Jedi Knight's discussion Getting to Know a Woman
"Collared shirt, no flowers....but you could treat everyone to ice cream.  "
6 minutes ago
Andrew D, USA Ret replied to Josh Allen's discussion If you can tell me what religion you are then you are in a prison.
""...an overall hands off approach..." Very deist of you.  "
16 minutes ago
Karl Helweg replied to Jack Neulist's discussion Finding the "Old Ones": Who really settled North America first? in the group History Buffs
"In 1888 gold prospector George Kershon reported finding an ancient frozen city with strange buildings still partially covered by a…"
20 minutes ago
Rebekah replied to Michael's discussion National Parks
"My sister has worked in Yellowstone and Yosemite.  One of her jobs at Yosemite was finding a place to stay for people who arrived in the middle of the summer with no reservations.  It usually took several phone calls to "nearby"…"
28 minutes ago
Jack Bauer replied to Andrew D, USA Ret's discussion Obama's Press Secretary decorates his home with Soviet Propaganda! in the group The Great Debate
"A quick Crocodile Dundee Test might make it unnecessary.   JB"
31 minutes ago
Rick Shelton replied to Josh Allen's discussion If you can tell me what religion you are then you are in a prison.
"Then God will follow His own laws... I agree with your final conclusion no matter the path you've taken to get there. "
34 minutes ago
Michael replied to Michael's discussion National Parks
"With regards to the first-come, first-served camping, I would have thought that this would seem to make it difficult to find a spot. However, I arrived in Yellowstone last September when all park lodging and camping was entirely full, except for a…"
46 minutes ago
Jack Bauer replied to Jack Bauer's discussion Nevada Ranch War ... in the group The Great Debate
"I'll bet that's the first time a liberal has ever made that argument about somebody who's living off the government.  There are greedy people costing us plenty more that I doubt you even blink an eye at. JB"
50 minutes ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service