I've been working at a new company for about 3 months. I made a friend (guy) in the IT dept and we have been hanging out quite a bit. I revealed to my friend that I think a woman in marketing is attractive and potentially interested. My friend has a girlfriend so I figured that he was ok to talk to. My friend recently told me that he is into this same girl (in marketing) and flirting with her. He told me he feels conflicted-- he has a gf and feels like an ass for being into this other girl. On one hand I can't blame him-- attraction is attraction- but on the other hand I can't help but think he is a dick.

I've had so many situations like this- where I and a friend have expressed interest and I have backed off for the sake of the friendship. There have been situations where I have had friends gf's into me, but I always made a conscious decision not to act on it.

I am not in love with this woman- and have not gotten the idea that we are super compatible. I just find her attractive. I don't want to be a pushover...but I also don't wanna put the energy in to fight this guy for the girl.

Should I tell my friend that I think it is wrong for him to be actively pursuing this girl? Should I make a move on this girl quick and fight for her? Should I back off altogether and focus on something else?

I'm lonely and quite often depressed and thinking about her and seeing her makes me happy. I also value her professionalism- I don't chat with her during work and I respect her work. He's always chatting w her and complimenting her style, etc. It does make me angry.


Part of me regrets not fighting for girls in the past-- but it was never worth it-- if a girl is that easily swayed into flirting with my friend in front of me- chances are she's not the right one- right?

I'm not upset that my friend thinks this girl is hot, or even talks to her...but it's at a point where he would actually consider breaking up w his gf over this girl...seems like he lacks loyalty to me and more importantly to his gf

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The issue is that we work together so I don't want to complicate things

OK.. good call. I'll ask her out 

+ 1, this rings a bell with me as well. Thanks for the clear input.

He is the one complicating things...nothing worse than a cock-blocker who is already in a relationship!

hahaha!

So you have a friend, he has a girlfriend, and yet he is trying to snake a girl you are interested in.  You are hesitant to call him on it.

I would have been kicking his ass right after I found out he was trying to snake the chick.  He's no friend.  Dump him.  Get to know the chick, have sex with her, then dump her after that and tell your ex-friend that he can have her now and that he should remember you were in there first.  Then kick his butt.

Lessons for you: (1) Don't use other men as your counsel for chasing skirts.  They are your competitors, not your friends.  Your last set of "friends" are made in school or during your first tour in the military.  Be your own man.  (2)  Don't chase skirts where you work.  That's not wise in today's working environment.  (3) Don't be hesitant to ask women out or you will be without.  Make as many approaches as you can to women.  Ten casts of the line will get you one bite. (4) Quit feeling sorry for yourself, like a little girl.

Good luck!

Why the hell should he screw her then dump her just to make a point to another guy. 

So that his douche-bag friend learns a lesson and so that word gets around that this guys isn't a wimp.

Also, in today's world, the whole not dipping the pen thing is getting very blurred.

Because when the relationship sours, and most do, then a sexual harassment complaint gets filed with HR.

As with others, to be a man set up some rules for yourself and then follow them.  Failure to do so brings one to sites like this to whine & snivel.

...you only have to worry about HR if you are the type that will take her out, fuck her, dump her, then go start shit with other people about doing so...

It appears that you are under the naive assumption that women seek no vengeance if a relationship ends not on their terms. IMO you are uninformed.

...and your guy is still alone and now friendless

Nothing in the OP's note says he doesn't have other friends.  Besides, based on what the OP describes, his "friend" isn't really his friend at all but deserves an ass-kicking.  The OP says he has never fought over a girl.  Appears to me the OP is a beta male, and perhaps has become feminized in what is becoming a gynocentric society.  He needs to man up.  Perhaps joining the Army or Marines would help him - before it's too late.

Women don't seek vengenance on men

Lol!  Wife runs over husband in parking lot, repeatedly, for having an affair. http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Notorious-d...

Other than the fact that you appear to be too stupid

Watch yourself with the personal attacks amigo.

Stupid is as stupid says...amigo

Another brave soul behind the safety of anonymity at the keyboard of a computer. Eh?

I understood your dumb-ass metaphor.  The issue is a woman is a woman whether she acts like a "girl" or or not.  These women file harassment complaints in droves for the most miniscule of offenses, or just for vengeance if a relationship goes bad.  It's an epidemic.  Of course there are always male feminist champions (I suspect you are one) who will take their defense in defiance of reality.

Bottomline advice to the OP is not to seek women at work.  Develop a life outside of the work environment.

You haven't negated the stupidity of your comments.  Mine are based on reality.  Yours are based on fantasy.

Any tool can search the internet and find cases where workplace romance leads to harassment charges filed by the female.  I have also seen this in the corporate workplace.

So "even your own workplace romance went sour."

Haha!  So now you reveal yourself.  You seek women at work.  Bet you were the talk at the water cooler.  That sheds light on your responses.  Find a life outside of the workplace Jethro.  LMAO!

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