I've been working at a new company for about 3 months. I made a friend (guy) in the IT dept and we have been hanging out quite a bit. I revealed to my friend that I think a woman in marketing is attractive and potentially interested. My friend has a girlfriend so I figured that he was ok to talk to. My friend recently told me that he is into this same girl (in marketing) and flirting with her. He told me he feels conflicted-- he has a gf and feels like an ass for being into this other girl. On one hand I can't blame him-- attraction is attraction- but on the other hand I can't help but think he is a dick.
I've had so many situations like this- where I and a friend have expressed interest and I have backed off for the sake of the friendship. There have been situations where I have had friends gf's into me, but I always made a conscious decision not to act on it.
I am not in love with this woman- and have not gotten the idea that we are super compatible. I just find her attractive. I don't want to be a pushover...but I also don't wanna put the energy in to fight this guy for the girl.
Should I tell my friend that I think it is wrong for him to be actively pursuing this girl? Should I make a move on this girl quick and fight for her? Should I back off altogether and focus on something else?
I'm lonely and quite often depressed and thinking about her and seeing her makes me happy. I also value her professionalism- I don't chat with her during work and I respect her work. He's always chatting w her and complimenting her style, etc. It does make me angry.
Part of me regrets not fighting for girls in the past-- but it was never worth it-- if a girl is that easily swayed into flirting with my friend in front of me- chances are she's not the right one- right?
I'm not upset that my friend thinks this girl is hot, or even talks to her...but it's at a point where he would actually consider breaking up w his gf over this girl...seems like he lacks loyalty to me and more importantly to his gf
In the future, stopping telling guys that you like a girl. Use that energy to ask the girl out. Your problem isn't that other guys like a girl, it is that you aren't acting. It is up to her to decide who she wants to spend time with, not you or your friends.
The issue is that we work together so I don't want to complicate things
No, that isn't the issue. The issue is that you are pining for some girl, telling some other dude about it, while not doing a damn thing. You are wanting permission from friends to act on what you want to do, then using their own attraction as an excuse not to follow through. I am telling you to stop telling anyone other than that woman that you are attracted. Tell her by asking her out.
Also, you both work with the girl from Marketing, don't you think THAT would complicate things even more?
Seriously, ask her out. If you "win", there isn't anything that is complicated unless the other guy is an asshole. It is still a win because who the fuck needs someone so petty and shallow in their life.
This is your life, don't let it pass you by because of excuses not to do something.
OK.. good call. I'll ask her out
+ 1, this rings a bell with me as well. Thanks for the clear input.
He is the one complicating things...nothing worse than a cock-blocker who is already in a relationship!
Devil's three way.
So you have a friend, he has a girlfriend, and yet he is trying to snake a girl you are interested in. You are hesitant to call him on it.
I would have been kicking his ass right after I found out he was trying to snake the chick. He's no friend. Dump him. Get to know the chick, have sex with her, then dump her after that and tell your ex-friend that he can have her now and that he should remember you were in there first. Then kick his butt.
Lessons for you: (1) Don't use other men as your counsel for chasing skirts. They are your competitors, not your friends. Your last set of "friends" are made in school or during your first tour in the military. Be your own man. (2) Don't chase skirts where you work. That's not wise in today's working environment. (3) Don't be hesitant to ask women out or you will be without. Make as many approaches as you can to women. Ten casts of the line will get you one bite. (4) Quit feeling sorry for yourself, like a little girl.
Why the hell should he screw her then dump her just to make a point to another guy. That would make him just as pathetic as that guy. If he screws her, dates her, marries her, dumps her, it should be for his own reasons and not for any other reason. If he does dump her, date her, fuck her, marry her, or whatever else, that is just between them and not anyone else.
Also, in today's world, the whole not dipping the pen thing is getting very blurred. As long as you are in different departments, and more importantly as long as neither one of them are in a direct position of authority, go ahead and have fun. Just be a man, be mature and always state your intentions.
Why the hell should he screw her then dump her just to make a point to another guy.
So that his douche-bag friend learns a lesson and so that word gets around that this guys isn't a wimp.
Also, in today's world, the whole not dipping the pen thing is getting very blurred.
Because when the relationship sours, and most do, then a sexual harassment complaint gets filed with HR.
As with others, to be a man set up some rules for yourself and then follow them. Failure to do so brings one to sites like this to whine & snivel.
I would say that the message is far more clear if he took her out and they started a quality relationship, all the while not giving a fuck about the other guy who couldn't stay faithful in his own relationship. At least one is a guy I would respect as he has a potential partner as well as retained a friend or at least professional contact, and your guy is still alone and now friendless.
And seriously, you only have to worry about HR if you are the type that will take her out, fuck her, dump her, then go start shit with other people about doing so.