Recently I have been dealing with an issue in my life that I'm not really sure how to handle. It deals with partaking in drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco, and the "partying" lifestyle many college students are a part of during their college career.
Up until recently, I drank occasionally and smoked on occasion as well (pipe/cigars). I would attend a party every now and then, but it was never really "my thing." I haven't smoked for quite over a year or more now and drink only on rare occasions.
I feel that most of the time I am "looking down" on drinking and smoking, especially when my girlfriend partakes in it (she's a smoker). My radical change in my viewpoint on these subjects are what is bothering me. It seems as though my viewpoints have changed to this thinking since I started dating my current girlfriend over a year ago. I find myself judging her very harshly when it comes to these things and often wonder why she partakes in them.
Am I just being too uptight on myself and her and not enjoying the "pleasures" of these items or have I reached an understanding of how I feel about partaking in these activities? I know this assessment is very broad but any input from any of you guys would be very helpful.
Best of times
I understand your position, as I'm in a similar one. I'm happy to let the lady party with her friends as long as she's safe (at least as safe is you can be at a frat house party). If she smokes often and you're worried for her health, then you should tell her that, but if you're regarding her with contempt, then I suggest you seriously reevaluate your values and priorities in this relationship.
No you are simply changing your views on something. It is called growing. I hope I grow till I die personally. It may be that what you want in life no longer meshes with what she wants. Also you may be starting to really look at if you want her as a mate long term. There where plenty of women I enjoyed "for now" before I met my wife. My Lady is a bit different and was the one "forever".
You are not too up tight but you do have a different perspective, drive and values then those who you "look down" on. Don't look down on them, just note they are different. The sticky part is your girlfriend is part of that culture. That opens a large can of worms.
You are looking down on her. Best move on to someone who shares your views rather than be miserable with someone who has different views than you. I couldn't be with someone that was looking down on someone for partying in college, so I didn't pursue that type of person. I know plenty of women didn't approve of the way I was back then and then again, there were more than plenty that did.
Like David F. Said, you are just changing your views on those things and that is perfectly normal. Priorities and opinions change over the course of your life as different things become more or less important to you, the important thing is that you express these things properly to those you care about. If you love her, then give her the space to do that, but if it bothers you when she smokes around you, mention it as politely as possible. Let her choose if she wants to do those things, but you are allowed to ask if she can refrain from it while around you.
Thank you for this response. I have myself considered the fact that this age is a time of experimentation and the time of discovering one's true self and potential. I have never taken it seriously however, and hearing it from someone other than myself is reassuring.
If you don't want to drink and smoke, don't. If I may, there's probably something or a few other somethings going on in your relatonship that are upsetting you. You may want to do some face-to-face chatting with a professional...One thing you do want to avoid is the ufnortunate arrogance acquired by some folks who've successfully kicked a "bad habit".
I have considered talking to a professional, as I believe that a big part of this problem stems from a personal insecurity about this issue that I'm not 100% positive about. Thanks.