Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dutchman on August 14, 2009 at 2:27pm

Harry...

Ask youself this question. "Why dont I have any money?" ans. You need to have a job and stop asking your parents for money. Got get a job ANYWHERE. Video store, coffee shop, restaurant, anywhere. Take advantage of living at home. If your parents see you working they will be more likely to help you out. Dont have a car? Try riding your bike to work... maybe your parents would drive you to work.
Have a purpose for your life. Get a goal... write down three goals.
1. Get a job
2. Eat fruit and nuts instead of hotpockets
3. Buy a car ( your parents may offer to help buy you a car if you show them you are saving money.)

The main thing is getting your ass up off the couch and start doing something. You must make it happen, no one will do it for you.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Robert Disque on August 14, 2009 at 2:37pm

Get a job. If you can't find a job (and it is very difficult right now) do some volunteer work. I know it sounds lame but service really does help. Are you getting any sun? Or are you staying indoors until sundown? Make sure you get out and get some sunshine. Our bodies need sunlight to produce vitamin D. It affects depression and feeling of well being. Go to the public library and check out some motivational books. Spend some time during the day in the library and read the magazines they have available. You'll get some much needed face time with real people. Start forcing yourself to read instead of spending so much time in front of the TV or on the computer. Come up with a plan. It will help you feel like you have a direction and goals.

1. Get out and see the sun.
2. Go to your public library.
3. Get off the couch and move your butt. Even if it's just a long walk.
4. Get a job.
5. While looking for a job do some volunteer work.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Brett McKay on August 14, 2009 at 3:28pm

I pretty much echo everything everyone has said. When I've been in a rut, the only cure I've found is getting started on something, anything. You'll probably have to force yourself to do it and it won't be enjoyable. But once you get moving, things get better. It's Newtonian. Body's at rest stay at rest. You're going to have to will your way out of rest.

The car situation is rough because most places in America aren't designed for the pedestrian and you need a car to get anywhere. Is there anyway your parents can help you in this department until you have enough to pay for insurance? Even if you start off flipping burgers or whatever, you should make enough to cover transportation.

The other thing is to take any job you can get. Don't be too picky because let's be honest, there's no room for pickiness. Any work is noble if done well. Most of us have worked the fast food jobs. No shame in it. When you get a job, bust your butt at it, but keep your eyes open for better job opportunities.

And speaking of school. You mentioned going to college. What do you plan on doing as a career? If hitting the books for four years and taking on student loans just so you can land a crummy job office isn't your idea of the good life, consider going to vo-tech. Technical skills are high demand right now, but there's not enough trained employees. Car mechanics, welders, plumbers, carpenters, you name it. Check the only course catalog for you local vo-tech. What's great about them, too, is that they don't cost an arm an leg like college do, so you won't be spending the first 10 years of your career digging yourself out of the hole of student loan debt.

Keep on keeping on!

Bret

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Will on August 14, 2009 at 3:33pm

What is the thing that would really matter, if you had opportunity?

Do that thing, opportunity or not.

For example, you'll be taking college classes. In what? Prepare for them.

Sounds like you think not being fat is worthwhile; so you can do something about that.

...and I suspect the real problem is not your external circumstances, but depression. But that's another topic.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Seth S. McCormick on August 14, 2009 at 3:52pm

I'm no psychologist, and far be it from me to pretend I really know what you're going through, but, speaking from personal experience, I will say that the sentiment that "nothing I do really matters" is indicative of depression. Regardless of ambition, such a feeling of apathy and helplessness can entirely kill your motivation. I agree with Brett, and think the best place to start is by evaluating your goals. If you figure out what you want to accomplish and work backwards from there to see what is required to achieve your goals, you'll be given a sense of direction.

Exercise is also vitally important. Aside from the more obvious health benefits, getting yourself into a regular workout routine will increase your motivation and self-confidence and help provide you with a sense of purpose. The simple act of exercise has been known to relieve the symptoms of depression.

Finally, if things really only ever seem to get worse and your sense of purposelessness only grows, I would suggest that you seek some form of counseling.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Harry Mcgrath on August 14, 2009 at 4:19pm

I was diagnosed with depression a number of years ago.I take medication for it and it clearly makes a difference,but It only prevents depression from natural chemical imbalance,which is what I have. In other words, It enables me to be happy,but I still can become depressed because of external issues such as the death of a loved one or life being sucky issues.

My mom has that mentality of buying whatever is cheap and on sale. I would eat fruits and vegetables if she would buy them. I have been eating a steady supply of sunflower seeds though.

I do have a few hobbies,but again, no money. Pretty much everything I like to do costs at least a little bit of money.

And the job, well its damn near impossible right now.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Brett McKay on August 14, 2009 at 7:13pm

Why is college impossible by the way? While you do have to apply and be admitted to a four year school months ahead of time, you can typically enroll in a community college up until the very day classes start. Have you looked into that? Please do and report back.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Harry Mcgrath on August 15, 2009 at 12:07am

I've been accepted and I was going to start in the fall,but by the time I went to sign up for classes all the ones I had any interest in were taken. I don't really have any clue what I want to study anyway.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by James Joyner on August 23, 2009 at 7:18am

Don't take classes you're interested in. Rather, take classes that will transfer to the core curriculum in the four-year school you'll attend in the fall. Math, English, history, political science, chemistry, etc. Start knocking those courses out now to get them out of the way.

They'll be easier and you'll get more personal attention at a community college. And the forced rigor of summer will be good for you.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Thomas White on August 16, 2009 at 6:24am

Just a quick info: sunflower seeds are the fattiest seeds available (pine nuts aside)... if you're worried about your weight, you can definitely start by lowering your intake of sunflower seeds...

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Will on August 15, 2009 at 12:41am

Well, you asked, so . . .

It sounds like a good game of "Why don't you...yes, but."

Why don't you go ahead to college in the fall?
Yes, but all the classes I want are taken.
Why don't you work on the weight?
Yes, but my mother buys what's on sale.

I'm not saying it isn't true. I'm saying that external circumstances aren't your issue. Depression is.

Speaking as a freshman advisor at a college...

The classes to take in the fall are the basics that you must have to get a college degree: English composition, history, a science, perhaps a foreign language or a math. "Core" curriculum. The purpose is to explore (and to get the credits).

But if you're as depressed as you sound to me, you won't want to go to class anyway. I feel for you, man.

If you can overcome the depression enough to get out of bed and get going, I think you need to go down to the community college and sign up. While you're signing up for the basics, you can see if those classes you have an interest in are available in the next term -- but meanwhile, get it in gear.

If you can't, well, I overcame depression by doing 2 things:
* Identifying what I couldn't accept about my life
* Accepting it.

Took me 10 years. I hope it doesn't take you that long.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Native Son on August 16, 2009 at 11:09am

Harry...
I know a bit about dealing with Churchill's "black dog". The absolute worst thing you can do for yourself is to continue to throw the "pity party" you've described. Yeah, it's exceptionally tough to self-motivate when you are totally depressed or thoroughly exhausted, but that's what you have to do. Step one. The absolute hardest one of all.
Walk your butt around the block. Sometime just moving the corpuscles around is enough to pull you out of a rut.
Step two. Knock off the excuses. "Buck up!"
Step three. Per everyone else above, get a job. Even if you're just mowing the neighborhood lawns at $5.00 a pop, or flipping burgers at an entry-level no benefits gig, the structure and cash inflow will help your mental attitude. And don't let the fact that you might get turned down stop you. It's like broadcasting seed, the more you put out, the more results you get.

• ▶ Reply

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page