I am 27. Since my parents split up 17 years ago my relationship with my Dad has never been the same. I talk to him perhaps once a week and see him maybe twice a year. However, all the affection has gone. Our meetings are very civil but I don't see him as someone "safe" that I could share my problems with.
He remarried about 8 years ago and now takes much more interest in his new extended family than the relationship he has with me and my Sister. I can understand people moving on and he did always encourage me to be independent and not rely on him. However, I really want to have a father-son relationship with him. He is a good man.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I have decided that it is now up to me to try and take responsibility for this and try and forge the links between him and the rest of our family.
I need to speak to him soon and offer the olive branch, does anyone have any experience in a similar situation?
Thanks in advance
You could just tell him exactly what you said here. Is he local? How hard is it to see him logistically? You could always invite him on some sort of weekend trip, whether camping, or Vegas, or whatever. Be honest. Tell him you want some time to bond and that you want a stronger relationship with him.
I also like the idea of telling him what you said here. Of course, he may not want to; but I think it's very possible he'll be delighted.
Been there, although my parents divorced shortly after I joined the military. For a long time I disliked my father for what he did, even though it was both of their faults I blamed him more than my mother.
I think one of the things that got us back together was the realization on my part that, no matter, what went on between my mother and father it was their deal not ours (the kids'). They didn't divorce because of us or over us. I also figured that, just like it takes two to make a marriage, it takes two to cause a divorce. Another thing that helped us get back together was when my little brother was dying. It struck me that we are so impermanent on this earth that to loose any time by being selfish and holding onto the hurt was simply stupid. I also discovered that even though my father had a whole 'nother family he still loved us and we were still his kids. I forgave him for everything that had gone before and let him know I wanted him in my life. My father, before that, knew I blamed him for the breakup and was ashamed. He was waiting for me to forgive him and so didn't approach me but let me work it out for myself.