"It reminds me of that old joke-" Is that a roll of certs in your pocket or you're just happy to see me?"
(Ode to Mae West!)"
I've changed-- My taste in women hasn't
A few months ago I began making a conscious effort to compose myself better. I began reading and doing personal research to be able to hold conversations about broader topics, as well as broaden my vocabulary. I began watching my mouth, watching very closely to stop using profanity and use better grammar. I began trying to dress better and take care of myself better. T-Shirts became polo shirts, jeans became khaki's, basketball shoes became oxfords and the time I was using to smoke pot, flirt with women on facebook, and talk to my friends when I first woke up became push-ups, sit-ups, ironing my shirt, and just what I call "groom up time".
I went from a guy who always looked like a bum, always seemed half asleep, couldn't speak a sentence without saying "fuck", "fag", or "ain't", slouched, didn't want to talk about anything that didn't involve sex, pot, or beer-- To a guy who can articulate a conversation about many things, looks decent-good half the time or more as well as wide-awake, alert, and up-straight.
The problem is my taste in women is still women who wear wife-beater's, basketball shorts/sweat pants, and flip flops while they hold a cigarette out of their mouth that's spewing profanity. I'm not sure why but if I see a woman dressed in anything nicer than blue jeans and a crew-neck t-shirt with her hair up all she achieves is boring the hell out of me. I'm not sure what it is, this didn't use to be a problem. I've had quite a few successful relationships before I made my changes to myself (particularly to my clothes)-- but this was when I was in t-shirts, jeans, and basketball shoes all the time and couldn't speak a sentence to save my life. I honestly think my success with my taste in women was simply because I looked broke so no gold diggers came looking for me, now the only women I can get that fit my taste only seem to be wondering if I have money (thankfully, I don't or I'd be broke by now).
My friend tells me I remind her of her sister who she quotes "Used to be the most obnoxious, ratchet hood rat you'd find, cleaned up, but still won't show love to no man except a thug". I'm not going back to dressing like a slob, being very ignorant, and lacking composure but I'm not sure how I can change my taste to even have an interest in a woman who dresses appropriate based on occasions. Advice?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on -
When you say "boring the hell out of me" ... what do you mean? Why is the same chick boring when nicely dressed, but not boring when dressed like she came out of a trailer park? There are some proper-looking women that might surprise you at how improper they can be when the occasion calls for it.
Glad to hear you're pulling it together. I'd re-introduce the word "ain't" though ... never forget your roots.JB
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Permalink Reply by Brandon on -
LOL I'll never forget "ain't", I just learned how to keep it under control. I guess my issue is I can't deal with refined all together. By no means am I saying I'm perfect but I can't find attraction in someone I can't find flaw in less than 30 min of conversation. Call it hypocrisy and I'll definitely say its a huge inaccuracy but I feel like anyone who looks like a million dollars AND sounds educated is hiding insecurity or bad intentions-- not right, just true. I guess that's why I hate politicians LOL
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Permalink Reply by Nathanael on -
Perhaps you feel this way because you're not yet comfortable with your new self. You've cleaned up the language and attire, but you haven't had time to settle into your new habits. You might feel that the old self is still more of the real or authentic self, and worry that you're liable to reveal that. Then you project these fears onto the women you meet who are like your new self. If you feel like you're wearing a mask, considering them in the same way (hiding insecurity or bad intentions) may make you feel better.
Of course, you are aware that this isn't necessarily the case, and I would suggest that you think of it this way: for them, looking put-together, speaking well, and not dumping their problems on you in the first 30 minutes of conversation isn't inauthentic, it's who they are, just as you're trying to become someone like that.
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Permalink Reply by Will on -
So what qualities of the cussin' casual women are attractive? And what's attractive about that? Keep asking the question until you get to a mental quality (like independence, boldness, honesty, weakness* -- I don't know but you do), as opposed to appearance (like bad grammar, tank top, etc.)
Where else could you find that mental quality? For example, if it's honesty, can you find a rigorously honest woman who doesn't curse?
*And if it's a negative quality -- what do you get out of it? And can you get that w/o the negative quality? For example if you liked that such women were easy to pull one over on, and the reason was that you like to be in charge, and the reason you like THAT is you feel safer... there may be a way to feel safe w/ a strong woman as well.
Understand I'm not saying any of the things I said are your desires -- just trying to illustrate a process.
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Permalink Reply by LShieldes on
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Just because you act differently, or dress "better", doesn't mean that you are actually a different person.
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Permalink Reply by D.J. on -
That's a good point and I think it diagnoses the problem here perfectly.
Brandon: good job cleaning yourself up. That's awesome that you took that initiative because not too many bums will do that. Great job man; keep it up!
But in terms of your taste in women, I think LShieldes may be right. You've come a long way to be sure, but just because you've read a lot of books and changed the way you dress doesn't change your tastes overnight.
Try hanging out with girls who the old you would have avoided. Girls who carry themselves well both in looks and intellect. Just as you came around to good books and clothes as you tried them, the same will happen with girls if you give them a chance. Let your guard down and get to know some new girls. You may be surprised by what you find.
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Permalink Reply by terry sperling on -
Sometimes yah gotta change your environment.
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