So it's been six weeks since i posted this:

And i'm still here, still sad and still angry and miserable. Since then, we have talked and even met up. Huge mistake and i should've listened to you guys but my feelings for her are so strong it made it impossible to stay away. I don't understand why i care so much for her after everything she's done to me, i don't know why i still love her this much. 

I'm in desperate need of advice to get her out of my head, to stop me from picturing her with others, to stop me from remembering all the good stuff, to stop me from missing it and her. Why do i ignore all the bad and only focusing on the good? She's been awful to me, she cheated on me with a girl, but it's still cheating, she abused me both verbally and physically, she bit me in my hand once and i still have the scar, she has caused big scenes on trains and in shopping malls. Even at my parents she's gone into mental breakdown mode kicking and screaming. Why do i ignore this and only focusing on the good? Why do i miss her like crazy and why do i still love her? Why do i chase her?

I don't know how to get out of this. I'm scared i will never find love again, i'm scared to be alone again. I don't know how to forget her and move on... Please, any advice?

Views: 1119

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion


I don't check in much these days, but even several members I would normally be in complete disagreement with on most matters have told you pretty well what I'm about to. Let her go. Holding on to her, and the pain, isn't doing anything other than keeping you in a negative place and preventing you from moving on.

It sounds to me as though this young woman already had "issues" present even before you two got together. I speak from experience, but hoping that your love and patience will somehow _save_ or "cure" someone is usually a recipe for heartache. And, disaster. She bit you. Bit you on the hand. To me, that's a total deal-breaker. Nobody is worth all that damn fuss and drama. You have got to start somehow finding a way to remember her with nothing but negative emotions attached or you will keep pining away forever over something that just wasn't going to work. I know you really loved her, and that makes it more difficult to move on. I get that. Been through it before myself. BUT, that doesn't mean that there's not another girl out there much better for you, and that you can't also love with the same intensity again. You can.

I have been divorced for years now, and dated only sparsely after becoming single again. At one stage, I had even reckoned on being a bachelor for the rest of my days. I'm now in the happiest, most satisfying relationship I've ever had. You CAN be happy single, and the old saying is true. You can't really love someone until you learn to love yourself (I don't mean conceit) first. Stop hinging your worth on whether you're paired up, or not. You have too much intelligence to buy into that.

Don't let the negativity and depression sabotage you. If it helps, keep a journal to sort out your emotions and organize your thoughts. You're too young and have to much of life ahead to let this situation get the better of you. I know you can move on to better times ahead, and I wish you all the very best.

Thank you. That's what's so messed up with me, i'm still holding on and i can't seem to let go, i somehow still hope she will come back and it's pretty disturbed. She treated me so poorly and right now i would take her back without even blinking. I don't why, it's like my mind and heart is not connected at all and that i somehow think everything would be different but it wouldn't and even if it was to be better, all the baggage would just hunt me forever. She still lied to me alot and cheated on me and abused me, there's no future to build with a person who has done that to me. So i agree that i have to let her go, i just need to make my heart get it aswell...

Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope even if it feels dark for me. I've always had a hard time getting girls, especially when i got older. When i was 18-25ish it seemed so much easier, it was easy to date online when it was kinda "new" and there was communities for special interests instead of Facebook where you can't just go to a random girl you find interesting and start a conversation. And Tinder doesn't really work for me since it's mostly for hook ups and i'm not into that. Meeting girls out is hard aswell since there's no natural meeting place for me.

I will try to keep strong and get through this, thank you again for your words. It means alot that so many of you take your time and write with me. It helps. 

Haven't been in your exact situation but I do know what its like to feel like you'll be single the rest of your days.

I was painfully shy & suffered from social anxiety (still do) and thought I'd never find anyone but I did.

Yeah you feel shit now but it will pass, concentrate on yourself for now but when the time comes and you feel ready to start dating again, you will find someone at some point.

You obviously put alot of love, energy and emotion into the relationship. Wait and find a lady who deserves it. One who deserves you won't put you through this kind of shit.

Thank you, i really hope to find that special one that makes everyone else disappear into the background. I will do my best to concentrate on myself and get better and as i said above i will get help eventually by a therapist and i think that will make some of this better. 

It's been over 4 months now, still feels like yesterday all of the shit went down that eventually lead to her leaving me. I still have a really hard time and i still miss being with her, it's really tough.

The roughest part that i struggle with is that i can't really grasp how i one day could be the most important person in her life and then the next i wasn't worth anything. All the promises we made meant nothing to her while they meant everything to me. I have such a hard time with everyday life it's becoming laughable, i have went thru many different stages... In the beginning i cried at work, i locked myself in a bathroom and cried, then when i got home i was out walking for 12+ miles a day, every evening. This "phase" lasted for 1-2 months. After that i started drinking, i never drank before but the pain was too much so i turned to alcohol. I was drunk every evening for 2 weeks. I went to work, got home and drank, went to bed and then repeated that every day for 2 weeks. Now i drink on weekends only, sometimes on weekdays but very rarely. I still walk around almost every day, just walking past parts of the city that reminds me of the time we spent together and it's hard. This saturday i was drunk and walked around, missing her so much i just cried my eyes out while walking. 

I'm scared of myself. I can't control myself and when i'm in these "zones" of sadness i walk around hoping to run into her, just to see her, like that would make it better somehow. I still have this insane hope inside that it will work out, that she will come back, that she will realize we were meant to be together. And that scares me aswell. How weak and pathetic am i that i would even want to be with someone who treated me like that? 


Latest Activity

Sir replied to Native Son's discussion Presidential Diss in the group Catholic Men
"Meh.  It's a job.  My boss doesn't invite me to all functions he thinks I might have a personal interest in either. "
6 minutes ago
Sir replied to Kiehn on you's discussion Reintroduction!
"Welcome back! We had initial complications as well, so I can relate."
9 minutes ago
Kiehn on you replied to Kochak's discussion E AEEEEEEEEE !!!! Kochak here.....
11 minutes ago
Kiehn on you posted a discussion


Hey everyone! It has been a while since i have been on here. I am Devin, i am married and have a daughter. My daughter Ivy was born on tuesday (5/23/17) 5 weeks early and rushed to the NICU.I decided to come back because  I now have the time. And  have found that  this site has great wealth of knowledge and support. So hello from the NICU!DevinSee More
12 minutes ago
Cthulhu's Revenge replied to Pale Horse's discussion Best Methods for Cutting Down on Sweets
"I have a big sweet tooth but I found chewing gum helps. Also, try listening to your body instead of resisting. E.g if I crave something sweet, I have an apple or other fruit. Satisfies the sweet urge. Can't help you with drinks... I drink…"
15 minutes ago
Kochak posted a discussion

E AEEEEEEEEE !!!! Kochak here.....

Greetings gentlemen !After a year or so of just reading the articles, I finally have decided to join this great community.My name - ok... last name -  is Kochak. I'm a 22 years old designer, bass player, nerd, and a proud brazilian ( Corruption! Hooray !!! )As you can see, I also have a quite strange sense of humour...Well, that's it for now... Grato desde já,KochakSee More
29 minutes ago
Native Son added a discussion to the group Catholic Men

Presidential Diss

Any thoughts on how President Trump totally dissed Press Secretary Spicer on the recent trip?Situation was the formal Presidential audience with the Pope.Sean Spicer, who is Catholic, somehow didn't get included in the official Presidential Party.BUT, lower-ranking personnel on the White House communications staff were included.The "official word" was that the Vatican limits the number of persons in an official party.BUT, the Vatican has waived that limit, if requested, to allow catholics on…See More
30 minutes ago
Native Son replied to J. Exalto's discussion Globalism in the group The Great Debate
"My take on how the current administration views "Globalism" is this:  So long as the old man and his sons make money off the 1%, and his son-in-law makes money off the bottom 50%, it's all good--for them."
44 minutes ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service