So it's been six weeks since i posted this: http://community.artofmanliness.com/forum/topics/i-m-going-under-i-...

And i'm still here, still sad and still angry and miserable. Since then, we have talked and even met up. Huge mistake and i should've listened to you guys but my feelings for her are so strong it made it impossible to stay away. I don't understand why i care so much for her after everything she's done to me, i don't know why i still love her this much. 

I'm in desperate need of advice to get her out of my head, to stop me from picturing her with others, to stop me from remembering all the good stuff, to stop me from missing it and her. Why do i ignore all the bad and only focusing on the good? She's been awful to me, she cheated on me with a girl, but it's still cheating, she abused me both verbally and physically, she bit me in my hand once and i still have the scar, she has caused big scenes on trains and in shopping malls. Even at my parents she's gone into mental breakdown mode kicking and screaming. Why do i ignore this and only focusing on the good? Why do i miss her like crazy and why do i still love her? Why do i chase her?

I don't know how to get out of this. I'm scared i will never find love again, i'm scared to be alone again. I don't know how to forget her and move on... Please, any advice?

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Thanks.

I have boxed up her stuff and put it away, but my whole apartment feels like a reminder of her. Where we slept, where we ate, where we cudddled up and watched movies etc etc...

I've tried to stay away from jackng off but when i do it's hard not to think about her, why is it so toxic?

I try this, it's hard, really hard. I go for long long walks, i focus on my work, i try to watch some shows i haven't watched in a while, reading, going to sport events and so on. But my mind is always on her anyway.

I guess that's true, i miss being with someone and not her, even if i do love her with all my heart. I can remember several times in our relationship when i wish for her to be someone else, someone who supported me instead of putting me down and so on...

I've tried to stay away from jackng off but when i do it's hard not to think about her, why is it so toxic?

because you're getting emotional gratification from it.  You're literally releasing endorphins into your system while thinking about her.

Jack off to your heart's content - we all do. Just don't train yourself to equate that endorphine rush with her

Ah, okay. I will try to stay away from it all together to be honest.

At six weeks, most people are disengaged from the former relationship than you are. I do highly recommend working with a professional (psychiatrist) to determine if you have OCD or another condition which is interfering with your closure and achievement of inner peace. If that (or other) conditions are ruled out, then work with a therapist. If, on the other hand, I'm right and you have a condition, you need to start managing it rather than "going it alone," which hasn't been working well for you. If you do have something like OCD, you won't actually "get over" things until you treat the actual issue.

Nobody is over a relationship six weeks after it ends.
In fact, in my experience, it takes at least a year to mostly get over it, and then about as long as the relationship lasted to totally get over it. You have to go through the birthdays, anniversaries, christmas, valentines, etc.

There's a chance i have OCD or something, i did get diagnosed with a anxiety disorder when i was little and i've always had anxiety, it's been better, it's been worse but it's always been there. I always dwell on things, my mind is never quiet and i guess that's part of why this is so hard for me, i can't let go that easily. But i will talk to a doctor next week and try to get to see a therapist.

Pardon my french, but that bitch is crazy. You're way better off without her.

I'd recommend the usual after-breakup remedy: take care of yourself (physically, mentally, take up a hobby, just keep yourself busy) and meet other people (guys for a beer, friends for movies, date other women). I know it's easier said than done when you miss someone and you want to just sit all sad and think about how awesome they were (even if they weren't like in your case) but you just have to give it time.

I'm sure you'll find someone who will bite you only when you ask them to ;) 

Wish you all the best, mate!

Yeah, if i think rationally about it it's so true, i know she's crazy but then i start making up excuses for her, like she's depressed and that maybe i did something wrong to make her angry and stuff and then i feel sorry for her and then i want to say i'm sorry to her. But she's the one who should say i'm sorry for all the stuff she's done to me...

I go for walks every day almost, i read, watch series and go out to sport events. I really don't have any close friends nearby who i can call and go out with and dating other women feels so distant it's insane, i don't even know where to start and i feel really insecure about myself, like who would want me when not even my ex wants me? 

Thanks.

Oh come on, man. I know a few people who suffer from depression and none of them have cannibalistic aspirations. And even if you did something wrong, it's not an excuse for her to act like that...

It's nice that you are busy. As for friends maybe you could renew some contacts. I recently read an interesting lifehacker article on making friends: https://goo.gl/14TUYK

And when it comes to dating - everything's on the Internet right now! You can easily find sexy senoritas living nearby on OkCupid or something like that.

Also, you need to change your mindset, buddy. You feel insecure because you had to put up with her shit for some time. Once you'll see that there is a lot of other healthy women out there you'll insecurity will go away. Taking care of your physical apperance can also help with that (you know: gym, new clothes,  a great hairdo).

You tell yourself that she doesn't want you but why  would you even want her? 

I know it's stupid and that i just make up excuses for her to justify her behaviour towards me, i know this in my mind but in my heart i just ignore it somehow...

I actually went away this weekend to an old friend i haven't seen for a while, we hanged out alot as kids and teenagers but then i moved 2 hours away and we have kept in touch and seen eachother now and then so it was good getting away from everything, i just think i need friends closer aswell. 

I guess, but i never had much luck on those sites before so it makes me even more insecure about it.

I wish i could get into getting to the gym but even that makes me feel insecure about myself. I try to eat more healthy and walk alot instead as for now.

I guess that's very true, i shouldn't want her. My guess is i just got so used with her being around all the time and now when she's not i feel like something is missing, even if it wasn't very healthy...

I saw her today, i went to town and she was there with another guy, don't know if they were just friends or if it was a date or whatever but it made me feel weird, my whole body was shaking and i got really anxious and nervous. Then i started thinking and i didn't feel sadness i just felt anger. This guy was really big, probably 350-400 pounds, i mean, i'm not small, i'm pretty big aswell but not close to that big and i thought to myself "that's the best you can do?" and yeah.

Then i ran into to them, so i went to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk at all but i had to talk to her so i ran after and asked her if she could just meet up and get her stuff out of my apartment, but she acted like a child, told me to go away like 10 times and stuff like "i can't hear you, i'm not listening".

I tried to contact her after the encounter but she refuses to answer me. It's a weird behaviour, i have no idea what she wants to get out of acting like that? I mean, if she wants out and i offer her to bring her her things and she refuses to even answer like a normal person... What's up with that?

Anyway, i felt better this weekend, i then felt shitty when i saw her and then it turned to anger and now i just feel sorry for her really. But deep inside i still love her and all these different emotions makes me really confused. But i know it's for the best to cut and run from her, i just wish she would get her shit.

I hope that you are doing better by now. From reading what you have written earlier, I think that you have more pity for this girl then love. Step back and really look at your relationship. How did she help you become a better person? Did she support you and care for you really? You are learning a very hard lesson right now but it will help you so much in future relationships. Take time to work on things you want to do with your life right now. In time, and I don't mean 4 weeks, you will see that ending it was a good thing for you. Do not dwell on this. Good luck and just know that you have people here that care. 

Thank you, i feel a bit better now, i had a weekend away from everything and it made me feel better. As i said above i saw her when i went to town with another guy and it made me feel really bad at first and then i felt anger so when i ran into them i tried to talk to her and get her to meet me so she could get her things but she acted childish and just told me to go away and that she didn't listen and couldn't hear what i said. Just weird behaviour from her...

Yeah, i think you are right, i do love her, or i did atleast but i think i have alot of pity for her aswell. I feel sorry for her, that she isn't well and i think i wanted to fix her but yeah... I mean, she treated me like shit, there's no excuses for cheating and lying and physically hurting me. 

And when i think back i can remember numerous times that i told myself that i should just leave her and walk away but i didn't and the main reason was fear of being alone i guess. I was alone for a long time before her and i'm scared i will be alone a long time after her.

I will try to ignore those thoughts and focus on work and give it my all, i really haven't been myself so the kids i work with has suffered because of it so now it's time to focus on them instead of a woman who treated me like shit for most of our time together and still treats me like shit when she gets the chance. 

Thank you again.

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