We've been dating for a month and finally I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes. Everything was going well and smooth. Until yesterday.
Few days ago we went to a pub and there had a photographer taking pictures. He took one of us. Yesterday the picture was on the pub facebook page.
Btw, I'm a photographer myself, I shoot weddings.
When I saw the picture, I was holding her in my arms and pressing her arms against her body, which made it seem larger than it is. As one of the most common request I get from brides, I photoshopped the photo to discreetly make her arm smaller.
Problem is: She found out! And now she thinks that I'm with her only because of her physical attractiveness and that I don't like her the way she is. She said she was disappointed. She also said that probably she will get over this, she just need time to understand the misunderstanding.
Do you have any advice for my case?
Thanks again Jess.
What were you hoping to accomplish with this? I'm trying to figure the upside in going behind your girl's back and photoshopping weight off of her in a picture taken in a bar. Makes you look vain, petty, deceptive, and disapproving of your girl's appearance. I'm not sure what my advice is because I'm not sure if you actually are vain, petty, deceptive and disapproving ... or if you're just clueless, thoughtless, and completely new to dealing with women.
Thank you Jess. That's a very good lesson. Never point a flaw.
Thanks for the encouraging words.
Jack Bauer, As harsh as this sounds, I have to agree with you. It was a moment of ingenuity. I was simply trying to make her feel better, which, of course I realise now was the worst thing I could do. I'm just trying to fix this now. Because that was a very good lesson I learned.
Thanks for the message.
Then, I'm with everybody else. Throw yourself on the mercy of the Court. With flowers.
Give up. Appologize profusely and buy her flowers.
Will do. Tonight. Thanks
Women and photographs, you will never win
I'm going to throw a monkeywrench into this discussion.
Her getting upset probably upset you, which is presumably why you posted this. Getting upset would have reinforced her belief that something was "wrong" with her.
Apologizing is likely to make it WORSE. You just validated and reinforced her belief that she had good cause to be upset.
The way to handle a situation like this would have been NOT to get upset when she got upset.
Instead, in a warm, empathetic, and caring mood, you say,
I understand how you feel, and I don't want for you to be upset. I'm a professional photographer, and it's a routine request I get to do that. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the picture, it's just considered a professional detail. I intended to flatter you, not to upset you. It's just a picture, and you're beautiful just the way you are.
THEN YOU LET IT GO. YOU DON'T BEG TO BE BELIEVED. That undermines your credibility.
The only time to apologize is when a situation is clearly your fault. Imagine that the situation was reversed: she was a lady photographer, took your picture, and edited you without asking you. Maybe thought you could use bigger biceps or something like that. Would you get all upset about it?
I hope not, and somewhat doubt it. Most men would probaby laugh it off.
Men over-reacting to women's delicate feelings actually makes the situation worse. It validates their sense that they were right to get upset, thereby making repeat incidents in the future more likely.
A better way to handle the situation is to respond with care for their feelings, BUT not to react with negative emotions of your own--fear that you've "made" her upset (as if you can control her emotions...really, you can't)...she might dump you over it...you "need" to placate her (that actually annoys most women, by the way), etc.
I hope you can find a way to do damage control at this point.
That's pretty funny, actually. I like this suggestion for this situation.