I'm having a hard time in this "relationship" i found myself in.

Okay. It's been a long road to get where i am today and i feel very much lost, depressed and alone. I know i should just leave. I know i shouldn't talk to her. These are the advice i have gotten from others. But they don't help me much.

I should start from the beginning. I met this girl, she pursued me and that was pretty new for me so i found it quite exciting even tho i knew from the start it would be a pretty bad idea. I went along with it anyway, we met up and it felt really good. Started hanging out more and more and i noticed she had an ex she still was in concact with, it didn't bother me much since she told me she wanted out from it. As time went by i found out she was seeing him, sleeping with him. It felt pretty bad but we hadn't defined our relationship so i thought had no right to tell her what to do or that it bothered me. She has also told me that this guy is abusive, both emotional and physical. But she still sees him and sleeps with him. 

The thing that stung the most must have been when she told me she had to work night and couldn't get home afterwards. She was gonna sleep over at her ex. And i said i wasn't comfortable with it but i said it was okay because better that than walking around for hours waiting for the train in the middle of the night. She told me she wouldn't do it if i didn't want her to. But yeah, i said it was okay. Anyways, during that night they got back together. She hasn't told me, but i found out anyway and she still acts like nothing has changed. She still calls me her soulmate, she still says she loves me, all that crap. It hurts really bad, because i really like her and it felt like we were soulmates, that it was destiny or whatever. 

I don't know what to do to get over her, i don't know what to do to let go of her. Because i know that i should, but i can't. 

I just don't understand how she  can do this to me? She tells me all these things but does this to me? And she doesn't even tell me? I have to find out through social media. I don't know if she knows that i know. I don't know if she thinks a status update on social media is equal to telling me? Worst part is that even if i did remove her from my life, she would still be in it. We have some projects together and it would mean i have to see her a few times a week anyway. 

I'm just sad and mad, maybe i did something wrong? Maybe it's my fault? I don't know anymore. I'm lost and i need guidance... 

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Hammer time

I'm sorry, but i don't know the meaning of this?

Man up drop her ass. This is a crap 'relationship'. When she calls just laugh dont say a word, drive her nuts. If u want.

Yep, that's a solid advice. You should pull back.

First, ditch the broad.  She's lousy.  You get over her by replacing her with somebody better.

Second, couple of lessons to take from this ...

(1) You have the right to make demands.  Don't bang other dudes; cut-off the ex, or don't sleep at his house; etc. seem like the bare minimum.  You need to grow a spine and stand-up for yourself.  You're a doormat.  If you don't like something ... speak-up.  Like a man.  If it's bad enough, cut her loose.  Have boundaries, and enforce them.

(2) Chicks like a guy with a bit of edge.  There's a reason she's keeps going back to the 'abusive' guy instead of falling into the arms of the doormat that won't put his foot down.  She's either a complete degenerate, or she's getting something from him she's not getting from you.  Or both.  I'm not saying be abusive.  I'm saying you need to be less 'nice'.  It's coming off as pathetic and desperate.  If she keeps going back to him despite him being 'abusive', you could've stood-up for yourself without necessarily losing her.  Girls worth like and respect a man with the spine to stand-up to them ... not one that they can walk all over.

She might've treated you better if she knew you wouldn't've put up with this crap.  Even if she's just terrible, and still would've treated you bad, at least you would've moved on long ago.  Don't make the same mistake with the next girl.


Listen to JB.

Perfect advice right there, both now and in the future.

Thanks for your reply. My self confidence isn't that great and i've never had much luck with girls, so it's hard but i think i might be doing som progress. When i met her now, i didn't feel much to be honest. I didn't feel drawn to her like i did before all of this. When she was being cute i laughed on the inside because i know that it doesn't mean much to her anyway. I'm just someone she uses for her own benefit. I've neglected my own needs and put hers over mine for a long time now and i guess that's why it feels rougher than it should. I went in head first, i fell in love too quick and i did put her needs above mine.

(1) Yeah, i know. But in our "relationship" i felt like i didn't have the right since we hadn't defined what we were. But i know i should have stood up for myself, now it's too late and i guess it's a good thing anyway since it turned out like it did. She probably wouldn't have settled with me anyway. I need to find some confidence and not be a doormat but i find it hard to do that. I wear my heart on my sleeve and i guess it's easy for people to take advantage of that.

(2) Great advices, i will take them to heart and try to work on myself. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it alot.

I know it's cliché to recommend a book, but I'm going to do it anyway. 

Mindful Attraction Plan by Athol Kay is basically everything JB said, but with more detail (obviously). I highly recommend it, changed my life! 

Thanks mate. I will look it up! 

The person you were, or are, in love with, is not the person she is.  You're in love with the woman she presented herself as.  But she lied.  I know it hurts, and I'm sorry.

The next one will only be like that if you don't follow JB's advice about putting up with crap.  Be sure you don't -- and find someone who appreciates your love.

Yeah, i guess that's right. I'm in love with an idea, not the person itself. I'm in love withthe thought of her being someone she isn't and never was. Thanks.


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