I'm going under. I feel like such a loser and it kills me.

So my girlfriend and I broke up. I think. We haven't really had it that good for a while now. She's really unstable and I've been trying to be supporting but she keeps abusing me. She has done a lot of stuff, can't even keep track of all of it. But some "highlights" is that she cheated on me with a girl, so I forgave that. Before we were together she had sex with this guy against her will she said. He kept sending her dirty texts and eventually forced himself on her but she still kept in touch and later went back to him and he tried again but she could run away that time. Other stuff she's done is to scream and yell at me in public, she once bit me in my hand pretty badly. She has kicked, punched, scratched and pinched me. She has anxiety and depression, she blames everything on it... I have never laid a hand on her, I don't do that, not even in self defense.

Anyway. Yesterday, after four days of constant fights she kept calling and texting me while at work, I ignored her but eventually answered her. She kept yelling and being abusive with her words so I hung up. Then she called back, I answered, but it was her father telling me I should never contact her again or else, I really didn't hear much of what he said but I felt it was a threat. After that she hasn't been online for 24 hours, haven't heard a word. So I'm worried about her.

I feel really sad now, first I felt anger that it went this far, that she couldn't behave and just be "normal", now it's just sadness, I feel sorry for her, I want to hug her and make it all go away. But I guess she's gone. I've lost her. I know this makes me sound like a loser. But I'm 30 years old, she's a bit younger, and now I feel like I will never find love again. That I will be alone forever and it scares me to death. I'm sitting here at work, like in a fog, I have already cried once and I feel like I could start again anytime.

I wish she wasn't so mad, I wish we could have it good like I know we can. But I know it's over. And it kills me. I need help. I don't know what to do.

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Don't let this one get away, shes a keeper.


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