I'm going under. I feel like such a loser and it kills me.

So my girlfriend and I broke up. I think. We haven't really had it that good for a while now. She's really unstable and I've been trying to be supporting but she keeps abusing me. She has done a lot of stuff, can't even keep track of all of it. But some "highlights" is that she cheated on me with a girl, so I forgave that. Before we were together she had sex with this guy against her will she said. He kept sending her dirty texts and eventually forced himself on her but she still kept in touch and later went back to him and he tried again but she could run away that time. Other stuff she's done is to scream and yell at me in public, she once bit me in my hand pretty badly. She has kicked, punched, scratched and pinched me. She has anxiety and depression, she blames everything on it... I have never laid a hand on her, I don't do that, not even in self defense.

Anyway. Yesterday, after four days of constant fights she kept calling and texting me while at work, I ignored her but eventually answered her. She kept yelling and being abusive with her words so I hung up. Then she called back, I answered, but it was her father telling me I should never contact her again or else, I really didn't hear much of what he said but I felt it was a threat. After that she hasn't been online for 24 hours, haven't heard a word. So I'm worried about her.

I feel really sad now, first I felt anger that it went this far, that she couldn't behave and just be "normal", now it's just sadness, I feel sorry for her, I want to hug her and make it all go away. But I guess she's gone. I've lost her. I know this makes me sound like a loser. But I'm 30 years old, she's a bit younger, and now I feel like I will never find love again. That I will be alone forever and it scares me to death. I'm sitting here at work, like in a fog, I have already cried once and I feel like I could start again anytime.

I wish she wasn't so mad, I wish we could have it good like I know we can. But I know it's over. And it kills me. I need help. I don't know what to do.

Views: 488

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Don't let this one get away, shes a keeper.

RSS

Latest Activity

Ameretta replied to Ameretta's discussion Should I kill Myself Because I am a black woman?
"I understand where you're coming from but when I read the responses I wondered if my issue was an attraction of males (non-blacks) or if it was something else....embarrassingly enough at a party...I danced with an Asian dude that's too…"
29 minutes ago
Ameretta replied to Ameretta's discussion Should I kill Myself Because I am a black woman?
"I used to draw or invest my time in art, however, I failed several classes due to absence. My teacher loved my work. He told me that I used simple dots and circles in one of the most cryptic ways he's ever seen, and ever since I failed art (and…"
31 minutes ago
Nick H replied to Nick H's discussion Has AOM jumped the shark or is it's just cyclical in the group The Great Debate
"I don't recall Shane being racist. But then again I think that label (along with fascist) gets thrown around very easy these days."
1 hour ago
Poe Dameron replied to Chris J.'s discussion Taking a nature walk...barechested in the group The Shirtless Man
"I don't go shirtless necessarily for vanity, it's just much more comfortable to adopt the shirtless lifestyle when you have to live in a state like Arizona"
3 hours ago
Poe Dameron replied to Tim's discussion Are You the Initiator or the Follower? in the group The Shirtless Man
"If I had walked in on you without a shirt on, I'd have taken off my shirt as well. Anytime I see a shirtless guy it makes me want to take my shirt off too"
4 hours ago
Sir replied to Stewart M. Davenport's discussion Your favorite things about raising a boy
"Having fun together; seeing that we like the same things."
4 hours ago
Pale Horse replied to Nick H's discussion Has AOM jumped the shark or is it's just cyclical in the group The Great Debate
"Eh, blocking him in the chat was a recent development. Yes, I know, he was an arty officer in the Marines and now he teaches Greek. But, I still think he is a dickwad, and that's why I put him on ignore. I still see what he posts on…"
5 hours ago
jazzgirl205 replied to Ameretta's discussion Should I kill Myself Because I am a black woman?
"Ameretta, what do you do that brings you joy and gets you around people?  Forget about men right now.  Concentrate on being with all kinds of people doing interesting things.  I'm not making light of your predicament, trust me on…"
6 hours ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service