I'm going under. I feel like such a loser and it kills me.

So my girlfriend and I broke up. I think. We haven't really had it that good for a while now. She's really unstable and I've been trying to be supporting but she keeps abusing me. She has done a lot of stuff, can't even keep track of all of it. But some "highlights" is that she cheated on me with a girl, so I forgave that. Before we were together she had sex with this guy against her will she said. He kept sending her dirty texts and eventually forced himself on her but she still kept in touch and later went back to him and he tried again but she could run away that time. Other stuff she's done is to scream and yell at me in public, she once bit me in my hand pretty badly. She has kicked, punched, scratched and pinched me. She has anxiety and depression, she blames everything on it... I have never laid a hand on her, I don't do that, not even in self defense.

Anyway. Yesterday, after four days of constant fights she kept calling and texting me while at work, I ignored her but eventually answered her. She kept yelling and being abusive with her words so I hung up. Then she called back, I answered, but it was her father telling me I should never contact her again or else, I really didn't hear much of what he said but I felt it was a threat. After that she hasn't been online for 24 hours, haven't heard a word. So I'm worried about her.

I feel really sad now, first I felt anger that it went this far, that she couldn't behave and just be "normal", now it's just sadness, I feel sorry for her, I want to hug her and make it all go away. But I guess she's gone. I've lost her. I know this makes me sound like a loser. But I'm 30 years old, she's a bit younger, and now I feel like I will never find love again. That I will be alone forever and it scares me to death. I'm sitting here at work, like in a fog, I have already cried once and I feel like I could start again anytime.

I wish she wasn't so mad, I wish we could have it good like I know we can. But I know it's over. And it kills me. I need help. I don't know what to do.

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Ok. I have problems with empathy and emotionally connecting with my fellow man (unfortunately this includes family). So, I am not trying to be a dick in this response even if that is the way it comes out.
I read this and honestly thought it was written by a young high-schooler until I got to where it said you are 30. I have no idea of your background, but by 30 I would think that you would be beyond this. By the sounds of it, getting away from her (and her father) is the best thing that could happen to you. You really need to take some time for self-development. Travel, get away, meet new people, do something to expand what I believe are very limited experiences.
This is NOT the end of the world. When you wake up the Earth will continue to turn and the sun will rise. Make the best of it.
All the best.

Sean, I had the same impression here too, but then I remembered where I was around that age. Not too far off. 

Society does not require men grow up, adolescence can easily continue well into the twenties and beyond. Been there.

Poster; you were in a toxic relationship, co-dependent even while it was hurting you.

Go ahead, grieve, cry, feel shitty and let it all out, but get the heck away from this person. 

From my vantage point you are only thirty, you have so much time to get a relationship that will provide what you need. I agree with Sean's advice fully, get back out there, get out of your comfort zone and keep developing as a person.

It's been a day.  Wait a week or two and reevaluate whether you need more help than time.

You have dodged a bullet, regardless of the loss you feel.  Although you cannot see it from your stance, there is absolutely no reason to be involved with a woman like that.  It appears that your sense of self worth and respect has been broken down.  The fact is that you can do so, so much better.  This woman didn't care much for you, and she kept you around because you put up with her antics.  Never accept a woman to abuse you.  If she has mental issues, like you stated, then she needs professional help, and letting her go in hopes of finding that help is the best for both of you.   How could this relationship bring you any joy?  She has no sense of faithfulness.  I don't know this woman, but is there a possibility that she could had made the story up about having sex against her will in hopes that she would not be found at fault for sleeping around?  She did cheat on you with another woman, so could she had done the same with another man?  Why did she keep in touch with this guy who was sexting her?  How in the world did she find herself alone with this guy to give him the opportunity to rape her?  And why wasn't the police involved?  They should had been involved once the texts were sent, if she was serious about wanting nothing from the creep.  Why wasn't he blocked from her phone?  Did she merely enjoy the attention?  It's quite suspect.

How are you suddenly the bad guy?  What did you do that was so horrible that her father had to get involved to inform you of never seeing her again?  Is she making stuff up to paint you in a negative light to her father?  And if so, what would she say to you to paint herself as the victim?

You need to be alone right now.  You need to seriously come to a set of terms with yourself and decide what you will and will not accept in any future relationship.  Did you deserve to be punched, slapped, bitten, screamed at you?  Even if her mental and emotional state is a factor for such behavior, then she needs to get that worked out on her own, and remove herself from getting involved in any romantic relationship while doing so.

I seriously hope that you do not find love like this again.  Do not believe that you are not deserving of more from a relationship.  This example of your ending relationship should now be seen as a template of what not a relationship is to be in your life.  The end of this relationship does not make you a loser, it makes you a survivor.  You're fortunate to get out of it how you did.  Things could had escalated much worse than what you have experienced before.

It's a new day.  You will going to get out from underneath this shadow you find yourself swallowed in.  There's so many exciting possibilities waiting for you.  There is a girl out there (with love in her eyes, and flowers in her hair) that is going to make you forget and regret ever meeting this other woman, and make this seem like a distant nightmare. 

You have dodged a bullet, regardless of the loss you feel.  Although you cannot see it from your stance, there is absolutely no reason to be involved with a woman like that.

This hits the nail on the head. Women like this can´t be safed. As washed up as the phrase is, time will heal all wounds. Take the time, find out what exactly you do want and then enjoy. There are many wonderful women out there which are... well... not crazy.

About the guy who she said raped her i have no idea. I guess she made it up, every time i asked she just said she would tell me when she was ready. So i guess that speaks plenty for itself.

She's pretty manipulating i guess. I guess i'm the bad guy for not answering her calls and texts while at work and i tried to tell her to stop plenty of time but she never listens. Also when she has been hitting me and stuff i have called her names, like "get away from me psycho" and sometimes pushed her off me. I have never done anything close to hitting her. Her cheating has also made me jealous so when we fought i would say stuff like "go fuck your hook up". That's the worst things i've done. 

Today has been rough. She has blocked me from most places but not on FB and she hasn't been online since yesterday and it makes me worried, i even tried to call her but her phone was turned off i guess. I know i shouldn't speak to her but i atleast want some real closure. Not just words from her father. I need closure and i need some stuff back, but i can't contact her. 

She was all i had pretty much... I don't know how i would find another girl in the future. I'm sick of getting my heart broken. 

Getting back your personal items and receiving closure should go hand in hand.  Her father would be the best bet to contact getting your things back.  Bouncing back from a relationship that involved unfaithfulness is hard, especially if you drag that baggage into another relationship.  Don't overcompensate and become a doormat in fears of it happening again.  If she is that manipulating, I wouldn't allow her the chance to do it again by talking to her.  Cut your losses, cut your ties with her (after getting your stuff), and be thankful you weren't married to her.

This is exactly right. Get your things if you can and get out. If you keep trying to follow up with her, it can easily be colored as you being the psycho -ex who wont let go. I just about guarantee you that's already what she has cast you as to her father at this point.

Your relationship, which sounds like a relatively long term relationship, is over.  It is natural to grieve the loss of something that was such a big part of your life.

But, from what you have written, it was not a healthy relationship and was unlikely to ever become one.  Sure, people can change.  But given the information you provided, she was far more likely to drag you down than any other outcome.  Especially given that her parents seem to be blaming you.

Grieving a loss, even when it is a necessary and good one, is natural.  But it also needs to end and you need to move on.  Don't let this loss make you feel worthless.

This is the worst part. Why do i even want her? When we're in a fight i'm out, i'm like "i want to break up, please go away" and when the dust has settled i still love her and i still want to try again... But i know it will never work. I'm just so sick of myself that i can't feel like i want to end it with her all the time, not just when we're up in it... 

Today, i came home from work and i just laid in bed a cried like a baby. I hate that this gets to me this much. 

You invested a lot into the relationship and took a lot damage for it.  Even so letting go of something you invested so much into is hard, really really hard.

First know its going to suck for a few weeks.  Much like a person letting go of an addiction.  A large part of your daily operations revolved around the relationship.  So you will feel something missing and out of place.  Acknowledge that and set those thoughts aside.  Cry as you need to.  You can't change her.  Perhaps in letting go you will provide her space to reevaluate and grow.

Second after a few weeks it will get better.  You will move on.  

For now, go for walks when you can or hit the gym.  Do something physical.  

If you have parks in your area take the time to go there.  Read a book on the bench or some such.  Get out in nature.

If you have ruminating thoughts, write them down in a journal to help you move on beyond the thought.  Now is the time to focus on you. 

All of the things the guys before have put up are spot on.

I was in a similar relationship, and even resumed it again years later. One thing I realize looking back, you CANNOT think for a moment that you want the simpler life where she isn't just out of her head and making life miserable... that life doesn't exist because that's not who she is, nor who she can become.

Focus more on becoming the best you that you can be, let the rest sort itself out. Eat right, get good sleep, and let time heal the wounds that are still bleeding.

(And know that someone out in the interwebs is keeping you in their prayers.)


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