I just found out I had a son

I just got off the phone with an ex, after getting an email a couple days ago that told me I have a son. I knew that she had been pregnant, but we were only together for a couple days around the time of conception, while i was home on R&R from afghanistan. to make a long story short, at the time she was living with my sister, and had my car. not long after I went back overseas she had completely erased herself out my life, she deleted her facebook, and dumped my car in front of a friends house, with her phone in it and completely cleared. that was just over a year ago. the only thing i had was her email, which she wouldn't respond to. when i found out that she had be running around with other guys, and then disappeared, that it wasn't my kid

now im stuck in what to think or do, because I have always looked forward to having a son, but naturally I always pictured it coming after getting married. but while i'm happy to have a son, I am so extremely angry that i am finding out 7 months after he was born, not even counting how much it hurt getting left while deployed.

the conversation tonight was short to hide that i was trying my best to not cry, and was kept to asking problems about my son, which i did on purpose so that I wouldn't get angry with her by discussing her leaving.

I want to know my son, shoot, a part of me wants to have full custody, because I want to raise my own son,. however I have never been one too support taking a child from either parent with the exception of extreme cases. however I do know that he would probably be better with me because i am alot more stable (emotionally and finacially) and have a big family for support when needed. where she hasn't had a job since she left and is living with friends.

its been a mental overload, and i'm just looking for some input and/or advice.

thanks guys.

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Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on November 12, 2012 at 9:17pm

Two words: Paternity test.

Permalink Reply by Buffalo Bill on November 12, 2012 at 10:06pm

I absolutely agree with Jon ^^.  You want to make sure this really is your son and then go from there.

As a young guy myself (23), I barely manage to take care of myself and my girlfriend, so I'm really in no place to be giving advice about how to raise a kid, but if I was in your position, and the baby really was mine, I'd probably try to work things out with his mother and give the boy the best semblance of a healthy home life as possible.  Best of luck.

Permalink Reply by Mike S. on November 13, 2012 at 12:43am

Yep. Make sure she isn't dumping some other guy's kid on you.

Permalink Reply by Matt Monsees on November 13, 2012 at 1:12am

for sure, she had said she was fine with a paternity test before i even called her.

Permalink Reply by Jess Levens on November 13, 2012 at 8:36am

Maury Povich.

Permalink Reply by David L on November 13, 2012 at 9:02am

You can use the courts if she refuses to get paternity test, which is the general consensus around here. Do this before investing all of your emotions, time, and money into it. Be smart and lawyer up. You can use JAG services for free brother.

If it is your kid , I would go for full custody. Sounds like you're the more stable one. In any case, best of luck to you.

Permalink Reply by Stein on November 13, 2012 at 6:44pm
Listen Brother, I am a family lawyer, and represent a lot of guys in your situation. So this is my advice, and you need to take it. Find a lawyer where you live, and have him file suit to establish your paternity and have access or custody of your boy. The lawyer will ask for you to be tested . Take the test. The results will come back fairly quickly. IF you are not the dad, you will soon find out. If you are the dad, you can agree through your lawyer to custody,visitation and who is going to pay who what kind of support. Alliteratively, the Court will decide for you. But without a Court order, you have absolutely nothing. Meanwhile keep it in your pants or in your hand.

Stein
Permalink Reply by J. Hughes on November 13, 2012 at 7:06pm

+1 - Matt, Steins offering you pretty solid advise he's been doing this awhile,

 

Stein -

Good to hear from you again - you starting to free up a little, know you been busy lately. Hope you are doing well.

 

J.

Permalink Reply by Rockeman on November 13, 2012 at 11:07pm

I agree with Stein.  I think you have to also give yourself some time about a week to just process everything.  Right now you are very emotional.  It is never good to make major decisions from a place of extreme emotion.  Feel free to email me or talk chat anytime you want.

Permalink Reply by Stein on November 14, 2012 at 12:39am

Matt, this child, if he is yours, deserves to have you in his life. You deserve to be part of his life.

Permalink Reply by Matt Monsees on November 14, 2012 at 11:28pm

thanks for the support guys. I'm set to talk with JAG to get the ball rolling on a paternity test, and I guess i'll just go from there.

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