Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SteveSF on June 27, 2012 at 9:35pm

Wow, well, first I think it's worth mentioning than most guys wouldn't have the balls to admit they fucked up, much less ask for advice.

Not to be harsh, but in a sense integrity and virginity are the same, once lost can not be regained. But everyone makes mistakes and trust can be regained.

To me, and it's just my take, not being able to pay a debt because a client hasn't paid you is uncomfortable at worst. That's business and while it may make me judge you as a business person, doesn't necessarily make me question your integrity.

Without knowing the details of your contracts and the promises you made, I can't answer.

If you want, tell us more. Mistakes can be mended, and there's a lot of good guys here.

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Permalink Reply by Will on June 27, 2012 at 11:58pm

I don't know.  But I'll make some comments.

Restoring integrity:  how about steps 1-3 of the 12 steps?  They're for anyone who has something he's powerless over

Restoring self-esteem:  Depends on what you base it on.  Better not to base it on your performance; we all screw up.

Restoring your rep:  I wonder if you need to.  If you did, people might do business with you, and it hasn't been long since that was a bad idea.  Maybe it still is.  Time will tell.  Maybe the rest of those 12 steps will help.  (I don't usually focus on these, but they seem relevant here.)

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Permalink Reply by Vuk on June 28, 2012 at 4:00am

Thanks for the replies. :)

SteveSF, thanks for the praise, it does take some courage because writing this was quite uncomfortable. Also was resisting to the idea of deleting the whole topic :) I hope the whole discussion helps someone else to solve his own thing. 

Will, thanks for the idea on 12 steps. I didn't know about it, but it appears that I've already done some (4,5, 7, 8, 9, 10) which made me realize that I spent too much time trying to stay on the surface in one place, while I should pick a direction and swim towards the more solid ground. 

I'm actually not a big mess, regarding the "facts on paper", but the feelings are quite bad, I probably need to fix those first to be able to get over this and move on.

You know that feeling when you have a great car, it's good looking and shiny and you're proud of it. Then you somehow damage it. The damage is fixable and, once fixed, the car will act the same and look the same as it did, but somehow it still doesn't feel the same anymore. That's me now. 

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Permalink Reply by Betz on June 28, 2012 at 2:48pm

I'm an attorney.  I've screwed up major before.  Honestly, the only way to get it back is to earn it back.  Early in career, I ruined cases based upon my own incompetence, laziness, or inattentiveness.  The only way I was able to fix my reputation was by hard work over a long period of time.

It sucks, but you can gain your reputation back.  But you need to demonstrate it.

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Permalink Reply by Rafael on June 29, 2012 at 2:12am

This. 

Endure, and work it off. People are what they do, not their reputation.

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Permalink Reply by Rory Ivanoff on June 29, 2012 at 1:58pm

I concur.

I found myself in a very similar situation to Betz, and that's how I dug out of it. Work hard, do the right thing, and above all be honest!

I've found that the honesty, and accepting responsibility go quite far in restoring reputation. Everyone has issues, screw-ups, lazy periods, etc, but people DO respect a man(or woman) who has the courage to say "I did (blank), and accept full responsibility for the consequences that occu because of MY actions, whatever they may be."

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