I asked a girl, whom I liked for several years, out on a date. She said she was seeing someone else, thus I was rejected. She is someone I often see at our local church every week and at some events. What would be the manly thing to do in this situation when I do happen to see her? I think that showing anger, sadness, or any other negative emotion is not the solution. Things might feel a bit awkward now when I do see her. I would still like to be civil with her.
Even though I do feel that emotional sadness, I don't want to show it. Should I simply act happy and normal when I see her, and act like the rejection never happened? I thought about ignoring her, but that seems like a childish thing to do. Ignoring her would be sending the message that I am bothered by the rejection. I would appreciate some advice and tips on a situation like this. Acting confident is what I should do, but how can I implement that?
Don't take it so seriously. If you want to get laid, you may face rejection, and often. It is the risk we all take.
He didn't know she was seeing someone?
My thought exactly. Did you merely like her from afar? If you really do know her, do you think she is lying about another fella to put you off? If she isn't lying how could you not have known? It sounds weird to me.
Regardless. She made her choice so respect it. If you can't be around her and do that, then don't be around her unless unavoidable. You control your emotions. They don't control you.
If they only see each other at church events, and the boyfriend attends another church, he could easily not know.
I agree with this.
Confidence is key, even if you're putting on an act.
The tail-beweeen-legs approach is highly unmanly in my opinion, and you actually have no reason to lose confidence. Here is why:
Before you asked her out the chances of her saying yes were 0%. Now you have the idea in her head that you like her - which may not have been there in the first place - that idea can be a planted seed that may grow and eventually blossom in the future. Just because she said 'no' now doesn't mean she won't reconsider in the future. Even though you may have been rejected your chances of dating her in the future may have actually increased, not decreased.
For that reason it is important to show nothing but your finer points; take it in your stride and act as if it was nothing. Patience..
Don't hang onto false hope, however.. if another opportunity arises then take it. As one door closes another one opens.
Excellent respone, Michael. I was going to say almost the same thing. If you can behave like a gentleman, and treat her with the same attitude and approach that you do with other women (whether or not you're interested in them), then that is evidence of a man who is confident in himself. Be polite, if you have a conversation with her, ask her about things in her life, but not the relationship. You don't want to be seen as someone who is pining. It may not ever turn her head towards you, but who knows? Maybe she has a friend, and wants to introduce her to a guy who has his stuff together.
The response to
"I have a boyfriend."
"I'm seeing someone." etc.
Is: "Does it matter?"
Unless she says I'm not interested this is the response you give.
If she says no to the "does it matter" question, then further pursuit is appropriate. If she says yes, further pursuit. . . well it is a bigger game.
If she's married and has kids. . . that should matter to you.
I think the problem is that you worked yourself into a froth about it before you asked.
I have a friend who is not a player but does ask a lot of women out on dates to coffee, dinner etc.
His view is simple, they are nice attractive girls. If they say "No" that is fine and he moves on, no arm no foul. Also he had many more attempts per success because he does not build up in waiting anticipation and fear until he asks. He is much more off the cuff without the build up. So while he success rate is probably about normal his attempt rate is so far greater that he always had 3-4 girls he was going out on dates with. He always had a good time even if the relationships did not progress beyond, someone fun to spend a bit of the day with.
I don't know what you should do to deal with the rejection other then brave it out until the pain fades and don't act like an ass. I do suggest you take a page out of my friends book. Ask many interesting girls out to coffee or lunch etc. Some will say yes most will graciously decline. Regardless increase your attempt ratio with people that will not make you feel burned for rejection.