Hi,

I have two request:

- how to be funny? (I want socialize)

- How to increase self-esteem?

Thanks

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In order to get better at doing things, there is a simple method.

You must do them.

Practice it, test it, do it. That is all.

I do not know how to increase your self-esteem though. That might be something that you either have or you don't.

One thing you should not do is think too hard about it. Forcing sociability will not make you sociable and desperation is a social repellant.

What do you like to do for fun? Who else does this and where do they hang out?

Go there, share a hobby or common interest with others and you will feel accepted and wanted which will boost your self-esteem while connecting you to others in a healthy way.

Don't TRY to be funny. If it doesn't come natural, just don't. You'll look like an idiot. Not everyone is funny.

Build your character. Learn things to make yourself interesting and you'll also develop self esteem.

Take sincere interest in other people and you'll socialize well. Ask questions about them and actually listen.

Smile. Be positive, upbeat, optimistic, initiate conversation. 

Socializing and being funny are two separate items.

If you want to socialize then you need to start conversations and be able to carry on conversations.  Learn stuff, lots of stuff, different stuff.

Being funny, learn jokes, learn to laugh at yourself, learn when to shut up (some jokes are not funny to some people).

How to increase your self esteem?

You have to do stuff and accomplish stuff.  Usually when someone tells me that they want to boost their self-esteem they really mean that they want to have someone stroke their ego for them.  Learn to do that for yourself.  Yes, it is nice when someone else sees something that you've accomplished and congratulates you or admires it but really, do you need that?  However, realize that not all you accomplish is praise-worthy so don't fall into the trap of giving yourself praise for the small stuff; after all its not a big accomplishment (well usually that is) to get up on time in the morning.

Self esteem starts with finding something that you are passionate about and getting good at it.  Doesn't matter so much what whether it is work, golf, guns, or gold fish.  Challenge yourself. 

Rather than worrying about being funny try just practicing smiling.  Can you tell stories? 

Socialization is easier if you're a good listener. Always keep in mind the old saying that it is "better to hold your tongue and be thought a fool than to talk unintelligently and confirm people's suspicions." Find people with like interests and similar values and show up.

As far as increasing self-esteem. Pick a small task and complete it. Do this repeatedly. Rack up some personal 'wins.'  Don't ever make a promise you can't keep or a threat you can't back up. Realize that those personal wins will only be of interest to yourself and like minded individuals. Find those like minded individuals.

Simply philosophy....

If you're funny by nature, be funny. If you're not, don't strive to be. Be what you are, whatever that is. It may not be what you think you want, but it is truth and truth is better.

Self-esteem is often thought to be having confidence in yourself. The reality is that your value truly is found in those who love you, care about you and depend upon you. You may not be the brightest, or best looking, or have a prestigious career. None of that counts towards self-esteem. Rather it is the intangibles where value is found. Genuine humility is an intangible that speaks volumes. Empathy is another. Kindness to all counts for much. 

I will say that it's important to know yourself. Learn about yourself. Push yourself towards your dreams and hopes.

Never give in. Never quit.

Examine how you behave when you think no one is watching, because that reveals the character of man.

Knowing in your heart that you would always do the right thing, no matter how difficult; that my friend, is self-esteem and personality with a capital P.

This comes with practice. One cannot just "Be funny" It comes with practice and social calibration. Understanding what is funny, how to come up with stuff on the spot, and thinking ahead. This comes with actually socializing. Just as you can't go in the weight room and suddenly lift 200lbs. You can't just become good with people and have confidence in yourself.

I tried this a long time ago, and could never understand why I was a shy kid, and why I could never get a girlfriend. After many years of work on myself and many books, I started to make slow progress. (and still am, but have come a long way from where I was) Until the ball just started rolling and increased in size until suddenly my improv was greater then I thought it could get.

 

A few idea's and things I did that really helped me with this.

 

1. Realizing what you are passionate about, and doing it.

A lot of the posters here said this. It is true that it will help you come alive and get some excitement. But it's not the be all end all. It's not going to suddenly just make you "good" at socializing. Although it will help you enjoy life a little more and give you something to talk about. Don't worry about the result, just enjoy the process.

 

2. Get a part of a group that is something you enjoy

 


The easiest way to start socializing is to be in an environment where you immediately have things in common with others in the group. I can't remember how many times I got off into an hour conversation with people because we hit on a topic we were both passionate about. Whether it's running, women, writing, music, etc.

 

Easiest way is to go to Meetup.com and find a a group you like, then go to one of their events. A few I went too included a meditation class, a volleyball group, and a networking group. There are all types of groups you can join.

3. Bringing value, not taking it.

When you are joining a group to talk to them. Always think. "I'm bringing more fun to this group, I am adding to their day." Everybody wants to have a good time. I was very awkward in high school and would always be hover guy. I would join a group and hope they would add me to the conversation. I would seep value away from them hoping being around them would make me "as cool".

You are already cool be nature. We are all cut from the same cloth. Just go in realizing you are a unique individual, there to add to the group in only a way that you can. 

When they realize you aren't being some weird. "please like me" dude, and just relaxed, and joining in the conversation about stuff. You will be more brought in and well liked.

Although...

This comes with practice. You will probably be awkward at first. But give it time. Take it easy, and slowly you will learn through peoples feedback the best ways that you can authentically be you in front of people. 

You being authentically you, will always be the most accepted person you can be. 

Trust me on this one. Putting up a facade and "trying" to be the cool guy is way more awkward.

Also practice talking to your sales clerk, your bartender, your banker, random people on the street. blah blah blah. The more you try, the more you build confidence in yourself. The better you got socially. The more you went for what you want;

which= The more you become a man.

Good luck

-Branden

 

A quick tool

Yes and (Youtube video of an improv game you can play with a friend to improve your "on the spot" conversation skills)

You can google more as well

 

All sage advice, and worth heeding good sir Vince. For the self esteem, do things that make you proud to be a man! Go out! Seek adventure! Explore, hike, and live stories worth telling! The only thing more entertaining than the funny one at the party, is the man who can regale them with true stories of his own journeys! They say that in the old times, the best spot by the fire was always reserved for the storyteller. Be the man you want to be, and you will find self esteem. Be the man others can aspire to be, and you'll be well loved at parties and all situations. Find what works for you, and take to it with every fiber of your being! Good luck sir!!

- how to be funny? (I want socialize)

 

Do you want to socialize, or do you want to be funny?  They're not the same thing.

 

Humor is innate.  Some people are simply funny, some try to be funny, and some simply are not.  Many people try to *act* funny, and this can be practiced, but it always comes across as somewhat artificial and even forced.  We've all met "that guy."

 

Socialization is completely unrelated to humor, though humor can be used as a social lubricant.  In my own experience, the best way to approach this aspect of it, is simply to be yourself.  Be comfortable in who you are, and others *will* react to that.

 

- How to increase self-esteem?

 

Well, that comes back to self confidence, doesn't it?

 

Self esteem is generally *knowing,* deep inside, that you're good.  Knowing that you're worthy.  Holding yourself in high esteem.  And, that comes with confidence.

 

Try starting with this.  We all have something at which we excel.  Doesn't matter what it is.  But focus on that.  Stop focusing on your shortcomings (which we all have) and focus on your strengths.  And, confidence will begin to develop.

 

The bottom line is that both of your questions have to do with your own internalized feelings about yourself.  Address them within yourself, and the problems will just melt away.

watch Ricky Gervais..you will develop a sense of humor and you wont really care for esteem when you are hated by everyone for cracking such jokes

p.s--huge fan of Ricky Gervais

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