Hello. I’m 26. Recently I've givin some bad stuff up and started to try let some good stuff in. I will be giving up the following for 3 months, longer if I like it:
Fapping and Porn
What I’m letting in:
Family and Friends
A little about me:
Last Christmas I was dumped. The usual. Felt like crap, confidence hit an all time low and I was miserable. 3 years, 1 apartment, 1 dog and 1 love all gone in what seemed like an instant. Love hurts.
I fought back as best I could. I didn’t beg her to take me back and I tried to let it go. I finished my degree, got a full driving license and moved to London on my own. I’ll always care about her but I think only recently I’ve finally accepted that she’s gone forever and I’m moving on. The best I could say is that we ended on good terms and I think I kept my respect.
I’m sure some of you have heard about pick up and “the game”. While I found a lot of this stuff to be weird it has become part of my story to some extent so I felt it worth mentioning. I never used lines or techniques but did find myself approaching a lot more women on the street and in pubs etc. It did help my confidence and I did have some one night stands. I also deal with rejection a lot better now. In some ways it helped, in some ways it didn’t.
More than all of this though is where I find myself now. I’ve learned a huge deal about myself in the last year. Who I am and who I’m not. Mistakes I’ve made and things I need to change in my life.
Recently I found mediation. In a way that has made me question a lot of things. I return from the busy, huge metropolis that is London to the small town countryside life in Ireland I grew up in on Monday. I plan on really connecting with my family and friends and just spending time on myself.
I’m giving up facebook. When I return home next week I will be deactivating my account. I’d do it now only I don’t want my family to worry about me before I return home. I do this for many reasons but mostly because it’s not adding any value to my life anymore. Maybe it never did.
I’m giving up porn and masturbation. I wouldn’t say this is an addiction and not a huge part of my life but I feel like there may be be some benefits from giving this stuff up. It’s an experiment I guess.
I plan on building a power rack with my brother and hopefully the 2 of us can use it together. Not only will it be a bonding experience but I’ll be getting fit and healthy with weightlifting again.
I’m giving up texting and this also leads into chasing women. What I mean by this is that if I meet a lady in a pub or other such establishment I will no longer chase her. I may try to set up a date with her on the spot but I no longer will ask for her number to text her the next day, trying to be funny/unique in the hope that she will agree to meet me later. If I like a lady and would like to see her again I will let her know that moment. If she’s seems interested we can arrange a date and I will call her later to confirm but no more texts. No more games. I may lose some opportunities but I think I will be much happier being upfront and clear about my intentions from the beginning. I also plan on calling friends instead of texting as I feel like a phone call is more of a connection, more real.
I currently don’t watch TV. I watch an occasional movie or show online but not the boob tube. I hope that returning to a more peaceful way of life that I don’t pick up this habit again. It’s definitely something I’ll be aware of anyway.
That’s pretty much it. One fear I have is that returning to a slower pace will lead to boredom. I do have some ideas about this which I'll post in another thread.
Anyway, I’m happy to be here and hopefully you’ll follow my journey and help me out a little when it gets tough and in return I will try to help you guys out and share any wisdom I find along the way.
After writing this I thought about it while my account was pending and had some realizations. Facebook, TV and masturbation aren’t necessarily bad things if used in moderation and used the right way. I’m not actually trying to demonize these things. I think cutting these things out for a while may teach me some things about myself though. That may seem selfish or silly but I feel like it’s what I need right now.
Well it appears you have your head on straight. You have dealt with your hurt and pain and become a better man for it. I applaud you for making up your mind and putting your plans in effect. I hope that you find information and men on this site that will benefit you.
Thank you sir.
The journey has and will be tough but as long as I'm learning and moving forward then the past is just fine with me because it made me who I am.
I would say that I'm looking forward to the future but more than that I'm trying my best to enjoy the present.
Texting might be the most difficult action to give up on your list. It's a valid form of communication these days, more valid than any other in a lot of cases.
These are great ideas, and several have worked well for me. Namely giving up Facebook and meditating instead. I deactivated my account for nearly a year so I could concentrate on finishing college with good grades. When I reactivated it, I promised myself I wouldn't become reliant on it again. I have also been doing some moderate workouts and have lost 10 pounds in a couple months with little effort. Do you have any relaxation .mp3s or tracks to meditate to? I use a guided visualization where a narrator describes nature with realistic sounds for about 20 minutes. Anyways, I am very happy you are focusing on a healthy way of life!
I have been doing Vipassanā
I didn't like the idea of somebody guiding me but I have found it difficult to shut off my mind, it's not the easiest kind I would imagine. A good free online book on this type of meditation here.
These first few days back home have been tough enough. Major change in the speed of my life. I do feel like I'm on a good path now though. Good to hear from somebody who had positive experiences from doing something similar. Great work man!
Thanks for the encouragement! Another thing that worked wonders for me was becoming more accountable about food choices. I joined a gym that emphasizes healthy eating over a lifetime, not fad dieting. Revising food choices (and even how I look at the purpose of eating) in addition to taking a couple supplements like 5-htp has given me more energy, productive sleep and a better mood. Have you changed anything concerning your diet?