Hello, my fellow men, it's me again!
Some half a year ago I was trying to date this marvel of a girl (long story), and this one time, we were talking and she asked me "What does it mean 'to be a real man' to you?". I told her that in my opinion, a real man does the right things, keeps his word, and in general, is a proper person. While I'm not sure if the answer satisfied her, it got me wondering - whether or not I know what a real man is, I still don't know how to actually become one. Even if my above answer is correct, it's only half the thing, it seems.
Just a couple of days ago, I was walking home from dance class with our teacher and another girl. The teacher is a flirty lady, and sometimes she flirts with me. On that particular day, both she and the other girl praised me a lot for my dancing, and for me generally being a nice and cool person. But when they began to discuss their men, the girl asked her "Well if you're single, why not try George?" to what she answered "Well George is nice and all, but I'm done with boys, I want a real man."
(While I appreciate the honesty, it was really rude, first off, because I was right beside them, second, because its fucking emasculating(!), and third because she just had to stop right before me - am I really that bad? I thought I was fine, didn't they praise me? Why flirt with me at all? I always end up being too late it seems. >.>)
I'm 24 right now, and I am facing a kind of personal crisis - I don't feel like a real man (no, not just because of this particular case - this one was more of an eye-opener). Sure, I have that manly organ in my pants, but that's not enough, right? Not for the rational, moral animals that we humans are. The above listed traits are one thing. Judging by the dance teacher's exs, I'd assume financial stability and 'maturity' are another. But there's still more to it. What bothers me is that I'm not competitive (really can't be arsed, don't see the point of it), that my ambitions are only so big (guess its the difficult situation in my country), and that I'm really not ready for any responsibility because I was never really given any.
So I guess what I'm asking is - how do you actually change? Desire is one thing, but what's the direction? Are there guidelines? My dad taught me some things, my mom taught me other things, but since they're both intellectuals, they couldn't teach me the less intellectual things. When I was a teen, I used to run with those 'problem kids', but I didn't learn too much from them - guess I'm just too well brought up for some of those things. I feel really useless, I have few practical skills (plumbing, repairing electrical devices, etc.), one of my cousins even rubs it in my face (because he's a true street kid, who used to run with gangs and whatnot, because he's a blue-collar and knows his way around tools and chit).
Makes no difference to me. You are the one that wanted to learn how to become a "real" man. I tried to offer some help and guidance. Sometimes the best comes in the form of a kick in the ass(and in my personal history a hit in the head followed by a punch in the gut then with the kick in the ass chaser)
If a bunch of witty, funny guys who want women aren't getting dates, it must be that witty and funny aren't enough.
I wouldn't be interested in searching for that thing that will work and applying it -- stated just like that. What if it works but I hate doing it, or it isn't me?
We know what sorts of things women -- generally -- like. Confidence, emotional strength, kindness, humor, independence, competence. When I was single (for that matter, still!) I knew what I had to work on.
yes, makes sense.
Yes, I was thinking about personal causes. Was actually discussing this with a friend last night. I told him that if we want to see change in our country, we should get involved anywhere and everywhere, do everything that needs doing there, that way we'll both help the cause, and make friends and followers, and eventually, we'll be able to make a big change. I'm not sure if he agreed though, he was just silent. Maybe he just considered it. I don't know.
Act as if. To me, this isn't about initiations. A right of passage is symbolic, not practical. Yours is a practical question. This isn't even about honesty or integrity, which are at the core of being a good man ... but you have to be a man before you can be a good man. So, that's not what you're asking about, either.
To me, a man protects his own. He provides for himself and those in his charge. He presides over his territory -- however small -- and expands it where worthwhile. There are skills involved in doing that. Leadership skills. Decision-making skills. Financial skills. The ability to earn. The ability to defend himself and others. The skills to tend to his territory. The ability to attract a worthwhile woman. Etc.
If you lack those skills ... get after it. Read. Practice. Learn by doing. When something breaks, figure out how to fix it (Youtube helps). When something needs doing, get it done. Manage your finances. Earn your keep. Train your body. Acquire the skills you need to do what a man does.
Read 'The Way of Men' by Jack Donovan, and, 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover.
Here's Brett's video on the subject ...
Ah, books. That I can do, for immediate lack of anything else. Thank you :)
George, before you go putting money in Jack Donovan's Amazon account, you may be interested in these:
Hmm, interesting. Well, now I'll be sure to take his writings with even bigger a grain of salt :D
I actually managed to find his Way of Men book pirated online, the funniest thing is that the link where you can download it is right below the link to his amazon account :D
Hm. Well, so much for the integrity piece! :o
People wd say this about Donovan whether true or not. They say smilar things about the AoM site. That said, I tried to read Way of Men, and found it to be, can't say how to say it, not deep, not personal, not of interest.
What kind of books are you hoping to find?
I don't see similar things popping up when I search for Brett or AOM. Having him interview Donovan not only once but twice did make me seriously question the purpose behind this site, along with all the articles here on tactics, weapons and survival. But no one has done any sort of expose yet on AOM ties to white supremacy/the alt-right, nor do I think anyone would find anything if they tried.
I've always been cautious of anyone that throws up an adjective before man or woman. I've heard women say on countless occasions "I wish there were more good guys like you." They usually do this before dating another (in my mind) jerk or loser. I've learned over time that being defined as a good man by a majority of women usually means that you're uninteresting, passive, and or weak. So I don't really like being called a "good man" or having any other adjective precede man. I'm just a man. I feel as if saying "real man" in this context is similar.
I agree with what so many others have said already. This woman's definition of "real" masculinity might differ from another's. Although, one man's definition can differ widely from another's as well. Culture, education, faith, philosophy, and politics inform me of how I conduct myself as a man. The men that I have in my life, as well as role models, have helped me to better define what I think masculinity is.