"Thank you, but that's actually not the article I have in mind :/"
How do you tell a guy he's a jerk (like a gentleman)?
I'll keep this short. I already typed out something really long, but I thought it was overly-detailed...
There's this guy in my school (Sophmore in high school). We're not really friends, but he sits next to me at lunch most of the time. Well last friday, a girl sat next to me, she normally sits on the other side of this guy but he was late getting to lunch. When he got there, he promptly pushed all of her stuff, including her food, into her usual seat. I quickly told him she was sitting there. He told me "Shut up, the b*tch can move over one seat." This shocked me. She slowly started to slide over, when I told her to stop. I told her "The douche can find a new seat, don't move." He didn't take too kindly to my "douche" remark. He went on about how he was "sick of my crap", I've had to tell him to chill out before. It ended in me calling him a jerk too many times, him grabbing me by my collar, and a teacher stepping in before things got ugly (for him :P).
My question is, did I handle this in a (gentle)manly fashion? What could I have done better? And lastly, what should I do if this happens again (because it has already, and it will again)?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kenneth A. Evanchuck on -
You've already done enough. You've made it known to him, and her, that he's not being very civil. Admittedly, not in the most civil way, yourself, probably would have been better to leave it alone. Still, you did stand up to something that wasn't very good. She may or may not appreciate the sentiment you showed, but you've done your part. Just stay out of it, and leave the situation alone, now. If he keeps up this "douche" act, she won't put up with it forever, and will eventually quit associating with the guy. He'll essentially do himself in with his bad demeanor.
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Permalink Reply by D.J. on -
Tell him "hey! you're a jerk!"
Nah j/k. Keep doing what you're doing. You're in high school so no one is going to be mature yet (trust me- y'all aren't mature). Although you do sound like you're ahead of the curve in terms of maturity level. So keep that up.
Now if you want to handle this like a true gentleman try this. Go back to the time he pushed the girl's stuff out of the way. I think the best retaliation is through your actions, not your words (sounds like this guy is stuck in second grade anyway- big words would confuse him). So if he pushes her books out of the way again don't say a word. Instead, grab your books and grab hers and go find her wherever she happens to be at the time (I'm assuming the food line). Tell her, calmly, what happened and explain why you took her books with you. Then offer to find a new seat for the two of you so you don't have to sit next to Meatloaf over there. Hopefully you have other people to sit with in the lunch room. If not, find an open spot and sit there; in time you may be able to talk your friends into joining you and exiling Meatloaf to his own island.
Besides, if this girl is at all good looking, well you just scored some massive points. Unless she's one of those girls that's actually attracted to jerks like that.
So in sum, be a gentleman through actions, not words. Show up Meatloaf and make him feel like the small person he is. He'll resent it and he'll probably start crapping on you again. But remember that if he sinks that low it doesn't reflect anything on you- the jokes on him for stooping to that level. Do this.
Good luck in your future dealings with Meatloaf. Try to keep us updated on it.
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Permalink Reply by Nick H on -
Instead of running away, why not push his books to the floor and convince him that sitting next you is no longer an option for him.
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Permalink Reply by D.J. on
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Also an option. But in most cases non-confrontation can work just as well. And it makes him feel small. Psychological warfare is good too.
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Permalink Reply by Nick H on
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You're a teen which means you can get away with stuff older folks can't. Has the nanny state completely removed fighting yet? If he knows every time he's going to be a prick it will end with his getting his ass kicked he'll learn a lot quicker.
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Permalink Reply by Caleb Herring on -
Thanks, fellas!
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Permalink Reply by Michael D. Denny on -
I think you did as well as you could have under the circumstances.
The "bitch" comment though was ass-whipping worthy.
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Permalink Reply by Rick Shelton on -
I would have told him that I didn't know he liked me that way that he needed to sit next to me. Then I would have gone on to explain that I don't like boys that way and would rather sit next to a beautiful girl than some ugly ass dude. But I realize this is in retrospect...
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Permalink Reply by Will on -
I think expectations work better than attacks. I've had some luck with saying, "I don't let people talk to me like that" -- of course that was with people that weren't trying to be jerks but stumbled into it! I think in this case I'd say, "This friend of mine is already sitting here. You'll have to go somewhere else."
Him: "The b*tch can move over one seat."
You: "You don't talk about my friends like that -- at least, not here. You'll have to go somewhere else."
I think it makes you look weak if you start scolding. Being insistent doesn't. YMMV.
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Permalink Reply by Kraye Grymonnt on -
Don't make her a pawn in your game with him.
Direct your comment at him, "What kind of douche would shove a woman out of the way?" Get your shit together, stand up and ask her, "Want to sit somewhere else?" Giving her your recognition that she is not an object (the other guy treated her as one), that she can make a choice. If she's strong enough to make the choice, you make points. If she's not (she stays put), then you're still practicing being a gentleman.
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