Hi everyone. So as you can probably tell from the title, I'm not great with women. I'm 27 and I've had very little experience with the opposite sex and in those instances it's always been the woman who initiated things. I did get a girls' number a few months ago which was terrifying, but she was a barmaid and I did have to have a fair few number of drinks before I worked up the courage to ask.
Anyway, there's a girl who works at my local cinema. I've seen her several times but only recently discovered that she's single. Based on some old fashioned Facebook stalking I know she's around the same age and shares my geeky love for books and movies. We have spoke a couple of times but only fleetingly and I doubt I left much of an impression beyond being a charming customer. I want to ask her out for a coffee but from what I've read online, a lot of girls find it creepy being chatted up by complete strangers, particularly at a workplace where they may find it embarrassing in front of others.
So I need a bit of help. Should I work my way into it, speak to her a couple of times and then ask her? Or should I just go for it?
There also may be something on AoM's blog.
You say, "Hi, I was just on my way to see a movie. Would you care to accompany me?" If she's worth it, she'll get it.
But if I've got it right, the girl works at the cinema and he usually meets her during working time (is it right, Steve?).
So I think about he can ask her out without being awkward.
Well, I think if there's no other customer around you can ask her directly.
Or perhaps try something as "If you would pick a movie you haven't watched yet, which one it would be?" and then you ask her to join you when she's not working.
I should already be used to Shane's sense of humor.
In my opinion speaking to her a couple of times and then asking is just postponeing.
Speak to her, smile, make her laugh and tell her that it would be nice to go out together and trade numbers. Works at least sometimes.
To each his own, but I would imagine that many a woman would be reluctant to go out with someone she just met, before getting a good feel for who he is, in case he's dangerous. I don't think this is just me, because I kept running into it in how-to-date discussions back when: on a blind date, offer to meet her in a public place. That way she's not wondering, Will this guy start bugging me at my house?
I know its easier said than done but you have got to make the move, otherwise someone else will. Here's the thing, she might say no. Its no big deal if she does say no, tell yourself that 100x if you have to. If she says no you do not want it to look like it phased you.
Here is a sample dialogue:
"Hey (girl), it's really nice to see you again. How is (insert something you discussed last time you met, not from internet stalking) going?"
her - "Blah, Blah, Blah"
You "Awe that's excellent, (insert non sexual compliment). Hey I'm about to catch a movie, what would you recommend?"
Her - "Blah Blah"
You - "Thanks. I'd love to chat more but I have to run to catch the movie. What do you say we grab a coffee sometime, I'd really like to get to know you better. May I have your number?"
She may say no, but she may also say yes. The only way to find out is to ask. No amount of Facebook stalking is going to get her to go out with you. Banish any wishy-washy behavior before you talk to her. No mutterings (Um, ahh, like, etc), speak clearly, stand confidently with open body language, smile and think about emulating warmth.
Whatever you do, don't ever admit to internet stalking or admiring her from afar.
There is a book called THE GAME. It is a book on how to become a pick up artist, or a player. Despite this fact, it will give you some really good tricks on how to start talking to females. There is a follow-up book by the same author called, Rules of THE GAME, which is more like a work book. I am not encouraging you (or anyone else) to be a player, it is a sad existence, but the book(s) will give you some really good tricks and tips, and having these trick and tips will help build your confidence. I'm sure you're a good guy. In case you don't want to read the book... here are some tips:
1) Learn a magic trick (everyone like magic done well) and it is a way to break the ice without coming off like a creeper.
2) Don't NOT start by introducing yourself, that is the type of thing used car salesmen do and it doesn't work with women... it comes off as awkward (no offense to used car salesmen).
3) Start by asking her opinion on something... For example: I only have a minute because my movie is going to start (saying this or something like it lets her know you are not going to be some kind of creep who is going to take up too much of her time), but My friends and I (saying this suggests you have friends, again less creepy than a lone stranger) are doing a survey (this answers the question "why is this guy talking to me", and you are asking her opinion... people like giving their opinion) then ask any questions you want.
Is this local coffee joint better or is this other one better?
Do you think the this movie was better thank the sequel?
Do you think this book is better than this other book (or the movie version)?
You get my point... Any survey type question with LIMITED CHOICES will work. Maybe ask a question related to the information you gathered on you FACEBOOK stocking (by the way, good idea, information is power).
Good luck buddy.
If it works let me know.
By the way, when she answers, act interested in her answer but be true to your word and leave... let her know you will see her again, and say something like... "Thanks, that's what most people are saying. I will see you around, maybe next time I will have another survey question." then smile and leave. The next time you see her, remind her of your previous conversation... the survey question, and either have another question or don't but if she seems interested, have a short conversation, and end it by saying "maybe we can have some coffee sometime" right before you leave (this is a non-confrontational way of planting the seed, there is no risk for either of you, and most of the time she will say "sure, maybe" or something like that) . The next time you see her, have another short conversation and ask her for coffee or something.
Thanks guys. The next time I go in I'm gonna try and talk to her and gauge how she reacts. If it feels right, I'll ask her there and then but if it feels forced, or if there are too many people around, I'll put it off until a later time.
"excuse me,, Ma'am? Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Just ask her dude, Nut up and just flat out ask her out on a date. Just have a plan for what you'd like to do before hand. Ask her specifically to dinner or whatever the case may be.
"from what I've read online, a lot of girls find it creepy being chatted up by complete strangers, particularly at a workplace where they may find it embarrassing in front of others."...
Disabuse yourself of that quote above....women want to meet men, men want to meet women. You have the right to talk to someone and they want you to talk to them. Women find it creepy when creepy men try to "talk" to them with...your intention is that you want to get to know her because you think she is cute, not stalk her and save clippings of her toe nails.
I would highly suggest you get more experience and stop focusing on the one or two women you find attractive. You current goal, which should occur in baby steps is just talking to people, then women, then women you find attractive etc. You need to be a social person, not only when you are sexually interested in someone...and you can't do that when those people scare you.
Check out my book, The Essentials (http://www.amazon.com/The-Essentials-Mr-Benjamin-Ritter/dp/0615596886) for a jump start and continual reminders in this field of internal development and social dynamics...look up Art of the Seduction by Robert Caldini and Magic Bullets for core strategy that you will hopefully grow out of...and then listen on iTunes to the Suave Lover podcast, which can also be found at www.suavelover.com/podcast and the Art of Charm podcast also on iTunes.
You want to be action oriented but you also need some specific steps to act...that's why I recommend this material. One more thing...have three opinion questions you can use to start chatting up someone you are interested in that have to do with your life. For example, "what do you think about people that go to the movies alone"...? follow up.....segway into other places, like "it's not like going to a coffee shop, I mean let's say we go there tomorrow...etc etc..
"...but from what I've read online"
You don't have to believe everything you read on the internet. Just give it a shot it is going to be a beneficial experience for you either way.