How do I address a friends recreational drug use before it escalates?

I have a good buddy who I'm worried about.

We're both from similar backgrounds, being knockabout kids in our youth and growing up with some pretty bad guys around.

He's grown up, has a great job, good apartment, financially very secure.

He had a girlfriend that kept focused finanacially, but provided no love or emotional support. They broke up, he has a new girlfriend who's lovely, but less motivated and he now enjoys a lot more freedom.

This means some old friends are back in his life, they just can't get their shit together and obviously look up to him. 

With them has come 'meth'. This stuff is everywhere and so common now, but I can see it taking a toll. I think his girlfriend is involved because she was someone with a real spark in her eye and now looks tired, unhealthy and hagged. When I was in my late teens and through my twenties I saw plenty of drug use. I'm not shocked by it and I've walked away from those people to save myself from their destruction but this is a good guy with everything at his finger tips and full of potential. I can't walk away.

I've tried to raise it in a really casual way. I don't want to be judgemental, but I know the longer I leave it the harder it will be to use logic to help him see what he's doing.

Any ideas would be useful - cheers

Views: 402

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

You say, "Dude, you're fucking up."  Then walk away.

In a nutshell, that's pretty much it. Beyond what Shane said here, it's neither your business, your responsibility, your place or your right. 

 Let him know that he is wasting his life, enabling his girlfriend to throw away hers, point out to him the demonstrable evidence and tell him you're not interested in having that level of destruction in your life. Then tell him to call you when he is clean and walk away. 

If it's a true friend, and not simply an acquaintance; it is his business, responsibility, place and right to help.  It's just that I've seen what meth does first hand.  It'll be less heartbreaking to walk.

If it's a true friend, and not simply an acquaintance; it is his business, responsibility, place and right to help.

Only if the guy wants the help. 

Obviously it's impossible to force help.  But, it is your responsibility to try.

Thanks lads,      he's definitely a good friend, one I don't want to loose and he's a decent bloke. 

You're right Shane, I've got to try.

His physical syptoms of the abuse are starting to show, but he's got the cash and job stability to skim past what the rest of us would see as warning signs.

I'm just going to be straight up, bring it to his attention lay some facts out. Be there if he wants help, if not, cut tie.

cheers for the advice

I've known lifetime heroin users who, as long as they held a job, could manage their high.  Coke makes you work harder.  Pot makes you chill out.  There are no old speed addicts.  And meth is a particularly hideous form of speed.

When tweakers were released from jail after serving their time, I'd give them their intake mug shots.  To a person, they had the same reaction to seeing how they looked before they came in.  Before six months of cold turkey detox.  They all swore off the drug.  They were all right back where they were within a month.

Can the habit be kicked?  Yes.  But, your friend will need to really want to kick it.

Thats a tough one because it may also be very difficult for your friend to see the danger before he hits rock bottom. My suggestion is to have a private conversation with him, explain why you are worried about him, and what your fears are. Let him know what he's doing good in his life and ask him if he sees an end to the drug use. Then bring up the possible outcomes (the harmless and the harmful). Hope that helps, best of luck.

Here are some things that I think you should consider.

- Remember that there is a big difference between being "judgmental," and being analytical.

- Is he just experimenting, or has this gone beyond experimentation and into addiction?

- To what extent is the girlfriend instigating this? Did she bring meth into the relationship? If so, she might be with him in part, or in whole, to facilitate her habit.

- Remember that meth is not the kind of drug that can be used "recreationally" for a sustained period of time. He will become addicted at some point if he doesn't stop.

- If he is already addicted, its going to take a rock-bottom experience to get him to turn himself around. How severe rock-bottom will be is going to depend on the severity of his addiction.

- Many employers are willing to get a troubled employee into rehab rather than lose them. Mental health services are already included in the insurance premium with many plans, so the employer is paying for it whether employees are using it or not. Conversely, replacing an employee is expensive.

- It is important that you do nothing to enable him. Don't lend him a dime, no matter what. Don't vouch for him if he needs an excuse for misconduct. I think you get the idea here.

- Check out Nar-Anon for more resources geared for the family and friends of addicts: http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/

Pretty good advice Milo,

I think his use has been becoming more regular since Christmas/New Years. He's financially very stable and it's a cheap drug here so there's not the fear of the immediate financial issues that would be faced by others.

He's experienced a lot of success, but hasn't ever found himself a mentor or someone too look up to in the business community, instead he's got a bunch of leeches hanging around.

My challenge is raising it, I'll just be straight-up about it, the hard part will be getting him to see how his friends are dragging backwards and refocusing him.

Thanks for the Nar-Anon resource. I'm definitely going to contact them.

Cheers, I really appreciate it.

You can talk to them and they may do an intercession but ultimately it is him that needs to make the decision.  If the intercession does not end well and he keeps on using then you need to walk, I can't stress that enough.  If you don't then his actions will drag you down.

I hate to say it but beyond telling him he's screwing up his life there's not much you can do about this.  The only one who is going to change his behavior is him and it may take reaching that rock bottom.  If you've already told him that you don't care for his drug use and it's affecting your friendship then you need to walk away.  It sucks but it's the only option.

RSS

Latest Activity

Jack Bauer replied to Andreias's discussion proactively dealing with anger
"Hah!  You win.  That's the greatest implementation of a movie quote I've ever seen.  Everybody take the rest of the day off.   (embedded for ease, but credit to Nate ... )   JB"
3 minutes ago
The Sage_KS commented on E.A. Burt's group Moleskine Notebooks
"If you're looking to prolong the life of your large Moleskine then I'd recommend this leather notebook cover. Found it on Amazon and wish I'd done it sooner. The quality is outstanding and although a bit pricy well worth the…"
5 minutes ago
Nathanael replied to Andreias's discussion proactively dealing with anger
8 minutes ago
Rick Shelton replied to Andreias's discussion proactively dealing with anger
"Nope.  Too ignorant."
9 minutes ago
Curtis replied to Andreias's discussion Gender Identity vs Gender Expression Or How I Figured Out People Have NO Idea What Masculinity Is
"I suspect OP may be referring to biology more on a chemical level, rathen than anatomically.  The aesthetics of what is manly are always changing anyway - one thing we know for sure though, titties ain't manly! It's a difficult one to…"
9 minutes ago
Penelope replied to Stuart Charles's discussion Moneys... and what to do with em
"$1,000 is not 6 months' expenses.  $1,000 is the same cost as the major car repair you can write a check for or put on a credit card. 6 months' expenses might be a crumbling chimney, or we can think about other major repairs often…"
11 minutes ago
Rick Shelton replied to Rush's discussion Praying for Wife Material. Selfish Prayer? in the group Christian Men
"Don't just ask to be the man that deserves the girl, work at being that man."
12 minutes ago
Rick Shelton replied to Rush's discussion Praying for Wife Material. Selfish Prayer? in the group Christian Men
"Praying for a good Christian wife, if you're a good Christian man that is, would not be selfish as it would answer at least two prayers should it come about.  But the second part of the question about material possessions well,…"
14 minutes ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service