How do I address a friends recreational drug use before it escalates?

I have a good buddy who I'm worried about.

We're both from similar backgrounds, being knockabout kids in our youth and growing up with some pretty bad guys around.

He's grown up, has a great job, good apartment, financially very secure.

He had a girlfriend that kept focused finanacially, but provided no love or emotional support. They broke up, he has a new girlfriend who's lovely, but less motivated and he now enjoys a lot more freedom.

This means some old friends are back in his life, they just can't get their shit together and obviously look up to him. 

With them has come 'meth'. This stuff is everywhere and so common now, but I can see it taking a toll. I think his girlfriend is involved because she was someone with a real spark in her eye and now looks tired, unhealthy and hagged. When I was in my late teens and through my twenties I saw plenty of drug use. I'm not shocked by it and I've walked away from those people to save myself from their destruction but this is a good guy with everything at his finger tips and full of potential. I can't walk away.

I've tried to raise it in a really casual way. I don't want to be judgemental, but I know the longer I leave it the harder it will be to use logic to help him see what he's doing.

Any ideas would be useful - cheers

Views: 381

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

You say, "Dude, you're fucking up."  Then walk away.

In a nutshell, that's pretty much it. Beyond what Shane said here, it's neither your business, your responsibility, your place or your right. 

 Let him know that he is wasting his life, enabling his girlfriend to throw away hers, point out to him the demonstrable evidence and tell him you're not interested in having that level of destruction in your life. Then tell him to call you when he is clean and walk away. 

If it's a true friend, and not simply an acquaintance; it is his business, responsibility, place and right to help.  It's just that I've seen what meth does first hand.  It'll be less heartbreaking to walk.

If it's a true friend, and not simply an acquaintance; it is his business, responsibility, place and right to help.

Only if the guy wants the help. 

Obviously it's impossible to force help.  But, it is your responsibility to try.

Thanks lads,      he's definitely a good friend, one I don't want to loose and he's a decent bloke. 

You're right Shane, I've got to try.

His physical syptoms of the abuse are starting to show, but he's got the cash and job stability to skim past what the rest of us would see as warning signs.

I'm just going to be straight up, bring it to his attention lay some facts out. Be there if he wants help, if not, cut tie.

cheers for the advice

I've known lifetime heroin users who, as long as they held a job, could manage their high.  Coke makes you work harder.  Pot makes you chill out.  There are no old speed addicts.  And meth is a particularly hideous form of speed.

When tweakers were released from jail after serving their time, I'd give them their intake mug shots.  To a person, they had the same reaction to seeing how they looked before they came in.  Before six months of cold turkey detox.  They all swore off the drug.  They were all right back where they were within a month.

Can the habit be kicked?  Yes.  But, your friend will need to really want to kick it.

Thats a tough one because it may also be very difficult for your friend to see the danger before he hits rock bottom. My suggestion is to have a private conversation with him, explain why you are worried about him, and what your fears are. Let him know what he's doing good in his life and ask him if he sees an end to the drug use. Then bring up the possible outcomes (the harmless and the harmful). Hope that helps, best of luck.

Here are some things that I think you should consider.

- Remember that there is a big difference between being "judgmental," and being analytical.

- Is he just experimenting, or has this gone beyond experimentation and into addiction?

- To what extent is the girlfriend instigating this? Did she bring meth into the relationship? If so, she might be with him in part, or in whole, to facilitate her habit.

- Remember that meth is not the kind of drug that can be used "recreationally" for a sustained period of time. He will become addicted at some point if he doesn't stop.

- If he is already addicted, its going to take a rock-bottom experience to get him to turn himself around. How severe rock-bottom will be is going to depend on the severity of his addiction.

- Many employers are willing to get a troubled employee into rehab rather than lose them. Mental health services are already included in the insurance premium with many plans, so the employer is paying for it whether employees are using it or not. Conversely, replacing an employee is expensive.

- It is important that you do nothing to enable him. Don't lend him a dime, no matter what. Don't vouch for him if he needs an excuse for misconduct. I think you get the idea here.

- Check out Nar-Anon for more resources geared for the family and friends of addicts: http://www.nar-anon.org/naranon/

Pretty good advice Milo,

I think his use has been becoming more regular since Christmas/New Years. He's financially very stable and it's a cheap drug here so there's not the fear of the immediate financial issues that would be faced by others.

He's experienced a lot of success, but hasn't ever found himself a mentor or someone too look up to in the business community, instead he's got a bunch of leeches hanging around.

My challenge is raising it, I'll just be straight-up about it, the hard part will be getting him to see how his friends are dragging backwards and refocusing him.

Thanks for the Nar-Anon resource. I'm definitely going to contact them.

Cheers, I really appreciate it.

You can talk to them and they may do an intercession but ultimately it is him that needs to make the decision.  If the intercession does not end well and he keeps on using then you need to walk, I can't stress that enough.  If you don't then his actions will drag you down.

I hate to say it but beyond telling him he's screwing up his life there's not much you can do about this.  The only one who is going to change his behavior is him and it may take reaching that rock bottom.  If you've already told him that you don't care for his drug use and it's affecting your friendship then you need to walk away.  It sucks but it's the only option.

RSS

Latest Activity

O'Neal posted a discussion

Is this negligence?

I've been working in a department store (Belk) inside of a mall for almost three years now. I've never had any security problems and I've always felt safe up until last Friday. I departed from school around 2:20 and I arrived at work at 2:40pm for my 3 o'clock shift. Belk employees have to park on the third floor of the parking deck which I've been doing. On this particular day, the deck was a bit fuller than usual due to the Easter weekend so I parked in the very back of the deck against the…See More
1 hour ago
Aaron F Kendrick replied to Jack Neulist's discussion Finding the "Old Ones": Who really settled North America first? in the group History Buffs
"I can't remember if I have mentioned this before, but there is a book that lays the groundwork for such a question and it was by an author called Barry Fells.  He posited that there were many groups here in what we call the United States…"
1 hour ago
Michael D. Denny replied to Dave's discussion What's your favourite ad that inspires you to be a better man?
" "
2 hours ago
Michael D. Denny replied to Dave's discussion What's your favourite ad that inspires you to be a better man?
"Pavlov and Jung, not Freud, "
2 hours ago
Michael D. Denny replied to Brandon's discussion Admiring aspects of times of oppression
"There has been no era that the following era did not think was oppressive. 100 years from now, they'll think we are all backwards asshats, too. How exactly, is hard to discern. But asshats in their eyes, we will be.   I wouldn't…"
2 hours ago
Brandon posted a discussion

Admiring aspects of times of oppression

I was having a conversation with a woman today and I made a positive comparison to the style and composition of women in the Antebellum South. An African-American lady overheard me speaking and became extremely angry that I made a positive reference to a time when her ancestors were enslaved. I asked her if she thought the bubonic plague was the only thing going on before the European Renaissance, then I asked her if taxes would be the only reason an American would have stayed loyal to Britain…See More
3 hours ago
Adam Parker joined Ian McPhee's group
Thumbnail

The Manly Art of Baking.

A place for all the bakers out there. Come to discuss breads and the art of baking, e.g. things that have worked out or things that you just can't get to work. Open to the beginner and the artisan and everyone in between!
3 hours ago
Adam Parker joined Jeff Bates's group
Thumbnail

Manly Camping

A discussion place for all things camping...equipment, advice, cooking, tips, recommendations, etc.
3 hours ago

© 2014   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service