I'm a college student inflamed with passion. I want to be with a girl that I can't be with for a long time. I can't stop worrying about her and whether she might feel the same way about me. I have trouble coping with my subjects. Nothing feels very satisfying. I have trouble focusing on one thing for a long time. Night after night I stay up because I don't feel satisfied and I don't want to end the night and I've got so many things on my mind. I eat way too much junk food because it distracts me. I waste hours on the internet and with games because those also distract me. The idea of living a day with good eating habits and no distractions seems impossible. I want to get in a fight or go out into the wilderness away from everything. It all feels so overwhelming. How can I fix this? Does anyone have any advice for me? 

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First off how old are you? And how old is this girl that you have an "inflamed passion" with? Without knowing these details it is difficault to give any kind of directy answer. So I will give you some very broad generalized answers.

If you care so very much about this young lady then tell her so. If your scared of what she might say then your going to have to suck-it-up. If shes to young, then let her live her life while you live yours and if you two are destined to be togather then your paths will cross again. Good greif my wife had to wait for 8 years, yes thats right 8 years for me to be of age. As far as the unfocusedness is concerend, find a hobby, not video games or TV( those aren't hobbys there time wasters) pour all of your undirected worry into this new hobby, weather it be wood working, knife makeing/collecting, reading, etc. find something to help foucs you and pour all your free time into it. Find a hobby that will help devlope you into a better man.

Niccolo` Machiavelli in his book The Prince said "How one lives is so far distant from how one ought to live, that he who neglects what is done for what ought to be done, sooner effects his ruin than his preservation."  So in other words live in the here & now. You are a college student so focus on school and completing to the best of your ability. If you are always distracted it will be noticed by those around you, and not for your gain. Learn how to foucs. There is an artical on AOM blog about Not wasting your 20's. Check it out. I wish I had read it a few years ago.

 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. Matthew Chapter 6 Vs. 34. The Bible (New Living Translation)


Every man has had similar issues like this in life, know that you are only one of many that have the very same concerns & problems. Hope this helps a little.  

We're 18 and 17 respectively.  Thanks for the advice!

Honestly? girl-obsession to the point your schoolwork suffers, nothing feeling satisfying, trouble focusing, trouble sleeping, feeling overwhelmed - are all symptoms of mental illnesses. They're also symptoms of fairly normal adolescence. The difference is in how long they last and the intensity.

For the problems individually, the advice is pretty standard and you can get it from the popular nonfiction books at your school library or google. I'm not in the mood to retype it all. For sleep, the advice begins with going to bed and getting up at the same time each day. For food, putting foods in bowls rather than eating straight from the container. To focus, study in periods from 30-45 minutes, then take a break.

For mental illness, see a counselor or other health professional.

I'm 18, so I'm fairly certain it's adolescence.  Thanks for the advice!

So get in a fight.  Or, go out into the wilderness.  If you feel the need to get your head knocked around or just lost for a while, go for it.  Take a weekend and go on a four day coke bender.  I've  answered the question, "Where do you want to go?" with, "Somewhere loud with strong drinks."

I'm not sure what you expect out of life, but it's a pretty big revolving door of overwhelming/underwhelming situations.  Kindof like combat, six months of sheer boredom followed by 30 seconds of pure panic.  Some days you're not going to want to end.  Some days you're going to want to quit as soon as possible.

Find something which will clear your mind every day for at least half an hour.  For me it's physical work, no one has ever bothered me while I was mowing the lawn or splitting wood.  I don't have a lawn or wood to split these days, so it's my headphones and the gym.  Wears out the body and clears the mind.  For some it's meditation, could be active with yoga, or stationary and mindful in a corpse position before falling asleep.  You need something to clear your head of all the noise.

If you're not good enough without her, you won't be good enough with her.  The girl isn't going to fix this.  You're not ready to date.

You need to unplug and get your head on straight.  Unplug the computer, the video games, all the escapes ... and focus on getting your priorities straight.  Do something with your life, and you won't need to escape from it.


Well said, Jack. You nailed it perfectly.

"Inflamed with passion"?

Step One: hyperventilate into a brown paper bag until you calm down.

Step Two: Is this a girl you see but can't have or a girl who lives far away you can't see? If the latter, you should know that the longer you think about her, the more the "idea of her" can mess you up to the point that even if you did see her suddenly, it would be different than if she'd been there the whole time. When I was in college I met a girl just before summer break. Wrote letters all summer (dark ages) and when we saw each other again, I realized I wasn't really into her but more the letter-writing her. Which made it hard to break up but it had to be done. Tears ensued.

Step Three: Distract yourself. Find a study partner who'll help you focus because he will help keep you on track, preferably a smart guy who won't put up with your I'm-in-LOVE shtick or who at least will laugh when you start to go gooey-eyed and sigh all over the place and who will smack you on the shoulder and say let's go take a walk and get more coffee.

Step Four: Refocus your energy: Take up walking -- around the block or the city. Remember she's away too, and might be actually, you know, doing stuff, so if it doesn't work out, you have options.

Step Five: And if this focusing is more than "just" your inflamed passion, see a doctor to be evaluated for ADHD. Hey, you never know.



It's a girl that lives far away so I can't see her. I think it's very possible that my idea of her has been distorted, but it still feels important to me to find out. Thanks for the advice!

Sounds like she's God to you.  Nobody's up to that.  Many of us obsess on things.  Glad you recognize it.

I have trouble coping with my subjects. Nothing feels very satisfying. I have trouble focusing on one thing for a long time. Night after night I stay up because I don't feel satisfied and I don't want to end the night and I've got so many things on my mind. I eat way too much junk food because it distracts me. I waste hours on the internet and with games because those also distract me. The idea of living a day with good eating habits and no distractions seems impossible.

Those sound like symptoms of your mood-regulating hormones being out-of-balance. Your baseline happiness level is low, so you are looking for external stimuli, such as relationships, junk food, internet, and gaming for pleasure. I don't know the exact mix--something to do with levels of dopamine and serotonin, at least.

Teenaged young men who spend a lot of time on the internet or playing games obsessively usually show signs of depression. The mood and the addictive behaviors go hand-in-hand. People who have joy from within are resistant to addictive habits.

Your relationship problem is probably related. Straighten out your neediness for external reasons to be happy, and you will find your relationships easier to deal with...plus you'll make better company.

One way to deal with the situation is a big change. The reason is because the status quo has too many triggers for your existing habits. I don't know what kind of change would make sense for you--I don't know enough about your situation. I do suggest, though, that you go out of your way to spend some time with positive, happy people. They can help you break out of your current thought habits.

Meditation could help too. Meditation increases your ability to over-ride unwanted impulses and habits. Might help stabilize your mood, too. I suggest both mindfulness meditation, and empathy-building exercises.

OK? Hugs, bro.

Duh, mindfulness meditation is definitely known to help relieve depression and moodiness. There's a clinic in the UK that uses it to treat clinical depression. I've got the authors' book on the subject. I might post a link later.

I'm not sure what the mechanism is, but it might be the improved self-monitoring and the improved impulse and habit control. You probably notice the negative thoughts and have some control over them.

If you do nothing else, the meditation and spend more time with happy people.

Hugs, bro.


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