History Repeats? I am young and do not quite understand.
*So as a guy--especially a young one--I do not understand many things about women/girls, may someone please help clear up something for me? This cycle keeps repeating, regardless of the gal I am with.
*If a girl feels appreciated, respected, treasured, unconditionally accepted and loved by someone special, what is so deathly terrifying about even the thought possibility of being asked to be that person's girlfriend?
*I really do not get it, they'll be as happy as can be one moment, telling their friends and family about their very own storybook life, yet the next moment they throw everything away based solely upon an assumption without seeking any clarification or consultation.
*I mean, it makes sense to call off a potential if you can't ever get along, can't stand each other, can't resolve conflicts, are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, if you feel threatened, or are with someone who does not respect you or is unfaithful to you. But why
call off something that is going quite swimmingly?
Isn't that like getting a great new car for free without conditions or obligations, then leaving it by the side of the road because you're worried you might need to invest time, money and effort in it?
*(To be fair, if it were up to me I would already be graduated, a full time employee, who is married with at least two young children. So, perhaps I just radiate with the vibe that I'm looking for a life long partner so the moment a gal considers the possibility of becoming my girlfriend she panics because she's not sure if that is what she really wants.)
(Please note, that I do not instill this idea in them, in fact I never bring it up upon the basis that true love needs to be given and received without obligation or expectation.)
*I may be completely wrong about all this. Regardless, it is hardly pleasant to say the least--and if at all possible, I would prefer it never happen again.
Thank you for your time and patience,
Joshua Martinez-Onstott
Tags: advice, relationship, seeking, trouble
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joshua Martinez-Onstott on -
Wow, thank you everyone for all the comments, they have greatly helped make sense of things. Now I shall go through and respond to them (in ridiculously long reply of course).
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Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on -
tldr;
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Permalink Reply by Joshua Martinez-Onstott on
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Woops, thank you, JonEdanger, for pointing this out. Perhaps going through and responding individually was not the best method. Well, now I know for next time.
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Permalink Reply by Joshua Martinez-Onstott on
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My apologies for the superfluously lengthy response, I'm still new to this.
(Also, I apologize for not responding first thing like I said I would--decided to do yard work while it was still cool outside.)So, basically, I need to avoid types of girls that are either interested in other guys or not looking to get into a serious relationship. Likewise, just as Nick H said, my methodology has been backwards--instead of giving a taste of what was to come like I had thought I was, I have been needlessly shooting myself in the foot every time. Moreover, I need to specify off the bat that I'm looking for an exclusive relationship (I didn't even know this was doable, how would one go about this in a gentlemanly manner?). Instead of just throwing myself out there, I need to allow my affection be earned. Like StaggerLee stated, I need to calm down and not be so uptight and emotionally intense all the time and not seek relationships, instead just enjoy life, take up hobbies and enjoy the process. Just as swmnguy said, I need to stop trying to explain everything and just focus on what I can control, which is really only myself.
(lengthwise, how is that for a comment?)
Thank you all once again! I've been repeating the same cycle for years but thanks to the lot of you I finally understand what I've been doing wrong all this time!
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Permalink Reply by Shane on -
Moreover, I need to specify off the bat that I'm looking for an exclusive relationship (I didn't even know this was doable, how would one go about this in a gentlemanly manner?).
Back in the day it was expected that, early in a relationship, it was non-exclusive. We had terms in our lexicon such as "suitors" and "beau's" and sayings such as "her dance card is full". Through most of our history, we actually had to compete for our mates. We still have this today, but it's unspoken, and quite a bit more shady.
What's also been lost to the unspoken realm, is the ceremony. At some point in a relationship there was a talk. This either led to a breaking off, usually no harm no foul, or an exclusive relationship, betrothals (engagements before the engagement). This is still sometimes played out in high schools, with class rings and letter jackets.
StaggerLee is right. You need to chill a bit.
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