Hello all, this is my first post here. I have been dating this girl for 6 months. We started senior year just weeks after we met.
Now, looking back at it, it has been a very good relationship. i have been mainly happy. We figure out our problems well, talk through it, and never get in fights. We had a great summer together too!
And now college is coming in to play. we talked about it during the summer, and said that we can do it!
She has moved to university about 25 minutes away from my house, as I am going to community college and living at home. I plan on transferring to that same college next year, because i have wanted to go there for a long time.
I did not think it would be this hard. I helped her move in last Tuesday, and she has been doing her welcome week activities with the other college freshman. I know that she is very busy dealing with transitioning into her dorm, and meeting new people, but it is getting harder for me.
I am trying my best to keep busy, but nobody I know is around, and I have only been able to see her twice since. Yes we have gone days without texting or calling or seeing each other due to vacations and such, but this is different.
when i saw her on thursday, I knew things seemed different. She did not seem that happy around me, but she just said she was just hot and once her welcome week would be over she would be better.
We have been texting a little, each day, but its not how she used to communicate with me either, they are very short, curt replies. does not even seem like she cares about me anymore, I mean this is happening when shes alone in her dorm too. All I want is for her to reassure me, and to open up about her feelings, but she doesn't!!
I saw her the other night and was alone with her for a while at her dorm, I thought that things would be better and we would be our same, fun loving couple. But no, she didnt seem too happy and did not want to be that intimate.
I asked her if she even wanted to keep going with me and she said yes. just yes, this is the same girl that we would spend hours talking about whats on her mind and she just said yes with no emotion.
I know that once her classes start, things will settle down, but I have talked to her about how I dont feel good anymore, and that we will have to communicate better to keep going. she replies with a "yea"
I feel like I am the one putting everything into the relationship now, and she doesnt even notice that, or the sweet things I say.
She still says she loves me, and gives no reason for me to think she is cheating, but our lack of communication is really hurting me. I do not know what to do about it anymore! I know I can wait for her to start the talking, but I fear that it wont happen, I told her I will give her some space, but that will be hard as I already am 25 minutes away from her.
I am focusing on school work for me too, but it is so little, and i dont know many people there.
thanks, I know i sound needy and insecure, but I hate to think that we are falling apart.
How do I deal with this? do i talk to her more about it despite her not really seeming to care?
I felt like this for quite a bit these last few months with my relationship (she seemed unexcited about us, we hardly talked anymore, etc) and after talking with her about it a couple times as nicely as I could, things seem to be getting back where they were before. I'm a senior this year, myself.
Now, my girlfriend is planning on going to college 35 hours away next year... that'll be a predicament. Hah.
You're not going to want to hear this ... but high school relationships rarely survive separate colleges. You two lasting the semester is an extreme longshot.
It is the way of the world. You're the highschool sweetheart. But, you're not together all that often anymore ... and you're both surrounded by young, attractive, eligible dating options. If you really want to keep this girl, you've got a major proximity problem. There are a lot of dudes really nearby that can spend the time and energy on her that you can't. She'll cry on their shoulders. She'll talk their ears off. And, you'll become more and more distant from her life.
My suggestion would be ... let her go. Maybe she'll find somebody. Maybe you'll find somebody. Maybe she'll never find a guy that quite matches-up to you, and she'll come running back ... wouldn't bet on it, but stranger things have happened.
It'll hurt for a while. But, I promise, you'll get over her. Most everybody loses their highschool girl about this time ... and we all get past it. Yours is not a unique situation. You will survive.
welp she ended it....just now, gah this sucks
I'm rarely proven right quite that fast. Heh.
It'll suck for a while ... but you will get over her, and you'll end up better off for it. Happens to the best of us. Sorry for your troubles. Good luck.
Thank you man, I guess if i had to post my concerns online it wasn't a good sign either. I am already starting to think of the positives of what I can do now, I will live.
you are good too! knowing an hour before the fact!
Things you can do without a girlfriend:
1) Date other girls.
and not overthink, and not worry, and have fun, and find somebody with the same interests as I do, and not waste gas to that stupid college 25 miles away!! It still is hard to get past it but this too shall pass
Just a thought for you going forward: 25 miles isn't the problem, don't be afraid to date girls at that distance. The problem was that you went from being around her all the time, to being at a bit of a distance while a bunch of other dudes were right there. She suddenly had a lot more options, and wanted to explore them. But, if you meet someone who's past that, and wants to try to develop a relationship, don't let a short distance put you off.
Sucks bro. Its not fun at all but you never know what will happen. The girl I started dating senior year and I broke up after around a year and a half. We spent a about 2 months apart, both seeing other people, and now were back together and happier than ever. And I had to admit at the time I didn't think we'd end up back together.
My advice... Have fun don't get hung up on her. It sucks, it really does but get out there and meet other girls(easier said than done sometimes.) Just hope you don't have a bad reputation for being the manwhore/player like I did. That made things hard.
I guess overall you just got to remember the phrase "everything happens for a reason."
Side note: I envy the fact you were only 25 miles away. I recently moved about 45 minutes away from my girl and it kills our gas tanks...
Figured that was the way it was going. Starting college (4 year live-at, not-home-college) is tough on relationships. Being apart, especially when young, is hard on relationships. She has a whole crap-load of stuff going on, with college which is very, very different from Community College no matter what anyone says. Hell, going to college at the same college is tough on relationships especially for freshmen. Get over it, try to be friends and maybe next year when you transfer you'll get back together but don't count on it.
... and you're both surrounded by young, attractive, eligible dating options
Remember, this works both ways. Seriously, you will never be in a better position to not only redefine yourself, but actually fully define yourself.