Of course, as in any relationship there are many complicated issues, and many things happen, but I will summarize and over-simplify for the sake of this discussion and bring it down to one issue:
We met at 18 in college in the Midwest – fell madly love
We married at 24 and immediately moved to NYC
We have now been married for 5 years and still reside in NYC.
Over our more than 10+ year relationship, we, like any other couple, have experienced many ups and downs… maybe some of our downs have even been a bit more significant than average, but we’ve always found a way to work through it and we both do genuinely love each other very much and treat each other well.
For our entire relationship we have always looked to the future and talked about the things we want… where to live… how much money we’d like to have… being close to our families… good careers… to buy a house or not to buy a house…etc.
Children have always been part of that conversation – as though it never even occurred to either of us that not having children could even be a possibility – always a matter of when, not if.
But the last year was a bit rough, and Pete has since changed his tune – looking back, I suppose it happened slowly over time, I just didn’t notice… but suddenly, for the last several months, he has stated that he no longer wants children. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever want children.
Needless to say I’m shocked. Extremely disappointed, and very, very sad. I truly do not know what to do. I love Pete more than I ever thought was humanly possible – and I do not want to imagine sharing my life with anybody else.
But the truth is that I do not think that I am capable of feeling fully fulfilled as a person without a family of my own.
And like I’ve said to Pete about it… I’m 30. If we are going to continue forward on life’s journey together on a promise that one day he will change his mind and be ready… then there’s plenty of time.
But… if that is not the case, and he knows in his heart that raising a child is not something he wants in life… then I need to know because I’m running out of time.
Thus far, he has been unable to give me an answer.
Please, any guidance will be of help.
My father says I just need to convince him… but I don’t believe that is the answer.
My girl friends say I should leave him – that there’s plenty of men who look forward to having a family one day… but this is the man I’ve chosen… I don’t want to choose anybody else.