Hi there! I am a 46 year old man from Norway who has been struck by the realization that there are more boys than men out there, even at my age! I was also struck by the realization that my own status in  that regard was not all that favourable. So I decided to change that.

What does "being a man" to mean me? 

First of all, it is a matter of responsibility. Boys indulge and blame. Men take responsibility and act. If your wife complains that you do too little around the house, ask yourself what your responsibilities are, and whether you follow them up. 

Second, it is a matter of a certain cleanliness of body and spirit. A man has rid himself of "childhood trauma" and can appreciate his parents, whatever shortcomings they might have had, and will always look up to his father. He carries this out into the world, looking more to work on the man within than to pick quarrels with those outside.

Third, a man values function and form. He is not dazzled by the lights like a boy, but asks what the function is, and whether it has a good form. A man thus dresses sensibly, and has his nice clothes, but does not hanker for jewels and glitter.

Fourth and last for now, a man is a self-starter, and knows when to speak and when not to.

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Welcome to AOM. You have clearly differentiated the men from the boys. Based on your definition, I'd say, now I know what is wrong with America.....

I relate to what your profile and did not realize until I looked at it that you were not American.  My parents were new immigrants to the US from Sweden when I was born, so we likely share some similarities in our culture of origin.  Whereas I don’t see my dad as a toffelhjälte in the real world, he deferred to my mom and withdrew from participating in raising us his kids.  I got angest from the benign neglect and limited guidance on how to manage in both our home and adopted culture.  At the same time I grew up in an American dream with lots of privilege to be grateful for.  I’ve come a long way in taking responsibility to become the man my sons deserve, and continue this path.  On your last point, I’m going to Stockholm in March and look forward to refreshing my wardrobe at Dressman—in the US  there’s nothing like it in either style or fit.  

Dressmann has sensible clothes at (at least to a Scandinavian) a reasonable price. They also take responsibility in fashioning the male type, and if you notice their ads, you will see that all the men have beards these days. I like their way of thinking!

As for your father, I too have male forefathers who have deferred just a bit too much to the women of their lives, and so my main project has been and continues to be to correct that part of my heritage. Ironically, (or perhaps ironically), the way forward has been through identifying the strengths that my forefathers do have. These strengths should not be discarded, but do rather form the solid core around which I can build other strengths.

So if I were to suggest anything to you, it would be on the basis that your starting point is similar to mine, and it would be to explore your male heritage and its strengths: first of all your father, your paternal grandfather, and his father again. I did so, and I found some awesome strengths I just never knew were there. I went by accident all the way to my great-great grandfather, and heard the story of how he moved an entire house overnight. And I learned how my entire paternal line have built farms from scratch. Enormous strength! Then next came realizing that this was strength I had inherited, and that I could supplement the one thing my forefathers hadn't: strength to handle women. In a fair, but firm, way.

We are on similar paths in our journeys. In my case I lacked contact with my grandfathers and my uncles were all swallowed up by their wives My morfar was a womanizer and my farfar likely abusive, died young when my dad was a teen and was not mentioned. So the women were capable in taking control and the men supplied the pay checks. But women power is of course different than male power and boys are emasculated in the process. So I am reaching back futher to our common mythology and have meditated for example on Tyr as a male icon, in particular his encounter with Fenrir, and it's all good

Tyr strikes me as a good man. He was the head god before Tor, who was chief deity before Odin took over. Before Tyr again, there was Ull, a god of hunting and skiing. But little is known of him.

Njord is another one, and entered the pantheon when two religions merged: the asatru, and the belief system of the vanir. 

But I see how your ancestry can be troubling. Identifying with abuse and womanizing can lead to feelings of guilt - by association. So your icons should be monogamous, kind family men who were not run by their women.

Well said but common knowledge around here. Do you know EBH?

Greetings are within the proffering to Mr Saxon.

The Scandinavian has long elicited intrigue within spirit which one may possess. Denmark and Sweden has pleasured in the presence of one. However, Norway has neglected such a delight. In which manner would said sovereign exist?


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