Having a really hard time with a girl i was involved with.

Last year i met this girl in class, she contacted me and that was pretty new to me, atleast now when i was a bit older i guess. We started to hang out and even tho i had my doubts, suspicions and was a little on guard i started to fall for her and we pretty much spent every day together. She had an ex, she talked about him alot but i didn't really think much of it other than i was a bit suspicious.I guess my feelings for her clouded my judgement. She told me alot of things about him, that he treated her badly and even worse stuff, yet she continued to talk to him. Later on, i found out that she even met with him quite often.

We never defined our relationship but in my mind we were more than just friends, we acted like a couple. But months went by, she had gotten herself a weekend job in the same city her ex lived in so she would stay with him when she worked, it made me feel not so good and i told her that, she said if it made me feel bad she wouldn't but in my mind the alternative was worse, roaming around waiting for the train to go in the middle of the night. After that, they got back together, she never told me, i had to find out via Facebook. When i saw that status update it felt like a punch in the gut, i felt betrayed and used. I didn't confront her about it either, not for a couple of weeks atleast. She still acted the same way around me, hugging, kissing and i know that it was wrong of me to let her but i guess i just blocked out that part about her getting back together with her ex.

Anyway, class ended so we had nothing that brought us together now, it felt quite good, like i could get a fresh start since i would start to study full time next semester. So we didn't talk as much, i tried to distance myself as much as i could and it went somewhat okay i guess. So i started this new school, feeling nervous and excited and the first week was good. The weekend i get a text from her, that she had gotten in aswell... So now we see eachother 8 hours every day. My feelings for her is still there and i just can't avoid her. I hear her talk about her boyfriend and it feels like a knife in my back every time. 

I'm in a shitty place right now and i don't know what to do... Help.

Views: 579

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Agree. Time to let go and move on. You don't need a woman to complete you, and it sounds to me like you're letting this bother you too much.

Thanks for your reply. I try to do this but it's so hard. I know i'm not with her and i never will and if i ever was to be with her she would do the same to me... She will cheat on me with others, just like she cheats on her boyfriend now. 

I try, but i feel like i will never find true love again... I was in a relationship 6-7 years ago and since then i have never found anything similiar, until now and now it's just a shitty situation. I feel like i'm doomed to be alone.

You sound young Conor and that's okay. You have much to learn about life indeed. Everyone's advice here is sound. This girl you're talking about is clearly using you, and you will be much better off without contact. I know it will be awkward since you see her in class, but this is all part of finding yourself and becoming a man. Men handle scary situations like a boss. It's only awkward if you make it awkward so rise above. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's facing your fear head on and pushing through it. If you're worried she'll lie about you, ignore her. Don't open up, she's not worth your feelings. You're better than that. Don't answer the phone, don't text, don't Facebook or look at her page, be polite but short with her in class. "I can't hang out I have studying to do." Or "I already have plans but thank you." Sit as far away from her as possible and try to avoid talking. These are all practical things you can do, but most of all you have to change your way of thinking. You are worth more, you deserve more, there will be other women in your life that will treat you better. Forget her, grasshopper. You can do it.

I know you're right and i wish i had the strength to do this but i don't... I hate being lonely and i've been lonely for so long that it's just too hard. I feel like i will never find someone.

Maybe I am not the best person to answer to this thread, since I go through similar thing currently. (to be honest I registered here because I wanted to tell my story).

But in the meantime, I realized that it is not important would you be with that girl or not and does she like you or not. The important thing is not losing control over your life, because of the small things she does. It is all right that we like to be hugged and kissed, but it is not ok building expectations and changing yourself because of that. We have our own lives, if they want to be part of it, they can, but with investing in that relationship. In other case, we continue doing what we regularly do and try to be best at it.

If she acts questionably like this, it is hard that you will be able to have serious relationship with her. In the best case, she is emotionally lost and unstable and in the worst - she is manipulator. For both of these, being self confident and stable with your own life is the best solution.

Also, in my point of view, the girl who likes to flirt with more guys in the same time is good only for occasional "encounters" (I don't want to start discussion here is that moral or not). Shortly said, that is the offer for you. It is impossible to go to the market, buy one bread and be able to eat it for a whole month. "But people change..." - yes if they are really forced to by life or some hard circumstances. You will not change her (or you will, but again for that you need strong attitude toward your own life and strong personality).

So, move along with whatever you were doing before meeting her (yes, I know that the life was grey before her, but surely you had something you were interested in) or whatever you are interested in now. If she wants to hang out, and you want it too - go for it. There is nothing bad in spending some emotional time with girl (Japanese are paying money just to lie next to random girl and perhaps cuddle), but after that return to your duties and don't spend the rest of the day thinking about her. If you mean to her, she will try to fit in the rest parts of your life and stop playing double game or in the other case - she will leave you alone :)

I say run....not walk, but run in the opposite direction as fast as you can and never look back, and don't let yourself get entangled with a woman like that ever again.

Youre a trusting decent guy and got burned. It happens. Dont worry. It happens to many of us.
There are good women out there but you just happened to get a bad one.

Cut her off. No phone, no Facebook, no Twitter, no texting, etc. Block her on social media (otherwise prepare to have a cyber stalker).

I find ex's only work as friends if that is all they are. Meaning they have no more access to your life than your schools buds. This girl seems to be seeking something a bit more while at the same time keeping her options open for others. Cut this one free. She's no good for you, not even as a friend.
Don't share your feelings. Save them for someone who will treat them with the respect they deserve.

Now next time, don't hang out with a girl you're interested in. Ask her on a date. If there is an ex in the picture, make it clear it's a deal breaker for you and if she can't move on from him then let her go.

Thanks for you reply. I'm just so lost in all of this. I try so hard but i always fail.

Update: I have lost myself all over again. Just like it was before, in the beginning, when we first met. My feelings for her is so strong but i know that i will never be with her and i know that i shouldn't. But these feelings, i can't get rid off them. They are always there. I don't know what to do, i don't want to feel these feelings for her.

You have to walk away and move on. I don't know how to tell you to do that but you are just going to be depressed and upset for a long time if you don't! Take care of yourself and work on yourself at this time. One day the right girl will come along and this time will only be a memory.
Like a sore on your skin, if you keep picking it then it will never heal. Stay away from it and soon you'll forget you ever had it.

Cut off communication (social media, phone) and if she asks you out for a coffee etc after class, politely decline. You need space and time to get over her.

Buddy I truly understand. I am 56 now but during Highschool I was madly in love with this girl. She played me and my best buddy against each other for years! She was my girl for months then she was his! It went on for way way too long. We even got to the point where the 3 of us even would have sex together. Worse time of my life and I finally was able to just walk away. Best thing I ever did. They went on and are still married today and both are just miserable together! So I guess I won since I have the best wife in the world!


Latest Activity

Lumberjoe replied to Nature of a Man's discussion Ethics of procreation in the group The Great Debate
""I'm curious what people's views are regarding the ethics or reason de'tre of procreation is, beyond the mere biological impulse." The ethics of procreation and the raison d'être of procreation are two different…"
11 minutes ago
Lumberjoe replied to Braeden's discussion PROUD ETHNIC KEKISTANIS in the group The Great Debate
"Why do I get the impression I'll get fired if I click on that from work?"
16 minutes ago
Lumberjoe replied to Nature of a Man's discussion A bizarre dating trend I see
""phenomena of this nature were not a universal 'norm' in any era past" I am certain that it was far more of a norm than you suspect. "and likewise marriage for primarily pragmatic reasons still exists today, of course - a…"
18 minutes ago
Lionheart commented on Stephen Larsen's group Banya Men!
"Hoping to hit the sauna next week in Dallas. Could use a relaxing spa day. Anyone care to join an AoM brother there?"
10 hours ago
David R. commented on Shane Belin's group Pennsylvania
"Comment by David R. 1 second ago Delete Comment I'm looking for a quality 4"x6" desk size Pa. flag.  I ordered one from an online company but when it arrived, you simply could not see the coat of arms because it is printed so…"
12 hours ago
Nature of a Man replied to Nature of a Man's discussion A bizarre dating trend I see
"For example, it wasn't so long ago that the well-off married essentially for political and business reasons. Their partners were spouses for the purposes of appearances and to produce offspring but the partners led very separate lives, often…"
14 hours ago
Kit the Odd replied to Xenias Latin's discussion New Leadership Question
"I agree that this sounds more like a management issue than a leadership issue.  I don't really have any good suggestions for management training books. As for leadership, look up the US Army leadership manuals.  ADP 6-22 and ADRP…"
16 hours ago
David R. added a discussion to the group Comedy!

I know, I know...

I know, I know, I've got a dirty mind sometimes.  But here goes anyway.I passed by the sign in front of a local gym that was promoting how much weight their members had lost.  I saw "Congratulations, Bob Smith!  He lost 75 pounds and 19 inches!"How many men would like to lose "19 inches"?!  Comments?See More
18 hours ago

© 2017   Created by Brett McKay.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service