Last year i met this girl in class, she contacted me and that was pretty new to me, atleast now when i was a bit older i guess. We started to hang out and even tho i had my doubts, suspicions and was a little on guard i started to fall for her and we pretty much spent every day together. She had an ex, she talked about him alot but i didn't really think much of it other than i was a bit suspicious.I guess my feelings for her clouded my judgement. She told me alot of things about him, that he treated her badly and even worse stuff, yet she continued to talk to him. Later on, i found out that she even met with him quite often.
We never defined our relationship but in my mind we were more than just friends, we acted like a couple. But months went by, she had gotten herself a weekend job in the same city her ex lived in so she would stay with him when she worked, it made me feel not so good and i told her that, she said if it made me feel bad she wouldn't but in my mind the alternative was worse, roaming around waiting for the train to go in the middle of the night. After that, they got back together, she never told me, i had to find out via Facebook. When i saw that status update it felt like a punch in the gut, i felt betrayed and used. I didn't confront her about it either, not for a couple of weeks atleast. She still acted the same way around me, hugging, kissing and i know that it was wrong of me to let her but i guess i just blocked out that part about her getting back together with her ex.
Anyway, class ended so we had nothing that brought us together now, it felt quite good, like i could get a fresh start since i would start to study full time next semester. So we didn't talk as much, i tried to distance myself as much as i could and it went somewhat okay i guess. So i started this new school, feeling nervous and excited and the first week was good. The weekend i get a text from her, that she had gotten in aswell... So now we see eachother 8 hours every day. My feelings for her is still there and i just can't avoid her. I hear her talk about her boyfriend and it feels like a knife in my back every time.
I'm in a shitty place right now and i don't know what to do... Help.
Although this is my first post on here and I may not be the most qualified person to answer this question, I am quite sure that one main thing you will need to do to dig yourself out of this hole is to talk to her and tell her how you feel. It takes some balls to stand up for yourself and this is a great place to start.
Tell her everything? What i feel for her, how it makes me feel to see and hear her everyday? I don't know man, it's really scary and i don't want it to get out in class so everyone knows and will look at me weird, you know? I'm scared she will tell lies about me to the others since i have a gut feeling she does this. When we started seeing eachother she told me about a guy in the same class as us, i'm not sure if it was true but i have a feeling she's a drama queen. She said that he was stalking her, and was out to get her, that he tried to have sex with her once and after that went nuts. I mean, she even told me her ex had hit her when she tried to break things off with him but some time later she still gets back together with him? I don't want that to happen to me, i don't want her to tell lies about me. You know? Maybe i should just try to ride along...
Who are you worried about her telling? Your true friends wouldn't care about what she had to say and would trust you over her. And most others would know that she's a drama queen and not trust her. Stand up! Also, I agree with everything that Rick said below.
People in class, all are new and i guess they would believe her over me.
Telling her how you feel is great if you want to stay in a drama with her.
It's over. Process your feelings with people you trust. Which isn't her. I sound surer than I am, but I'm pretty sure... why bare your soul to someone you distrust... specifically telling her how to manipulate and use you? Because thats what youd be doing.
I guess you're right about that. I won't tell her, i will just try to ride it out.
Indeed. The thing is, i was over it, i was mad at her and i didn't wanna talk to her at all, i was short when she contacted me, never initiated a conversation. But now, in school, my feelings have surfaced again. But i also know that i can't and don't want to be with her because of what she did and how she did it. I was blinded back then and i guess i was too nice about everything, i should've told her my boundaries, but too late now. I will try my hardest but it's rough when she text me with stuff like "I miss Us" when i know she's with her boyfriend. It's not fair to me i think.
Agreed. If you really don't enjoy it you have to cut it off Conor. There's no excuse.
Thanks for a concrete list with steps. I will try this.
English isn't my native language but thanks...