So I've been trying to kick the blues for about a year and at the same time return to the "roots" as prescribed here on AOM. Trying to figure out what makes me feel anxious and unhappy and realized a big part of that was Facebook. Between the obsessive checking for one of those "red notifications" (like hitting a meth pipe!), to comparing myself to other people's lives and accomplishments, to having over 300 "friends" of which about 30 I ever hung out with....had to get rid of it. Plus dealing with my ex's friend requests, messages, etc. Block her and I hear from her mom on facebook. So it had to go. Seems some other folks on AOM have gotten rid of their facebook for similar reasons. Sure I'll miss knowing what people are up to, and might be late to hearing about big events or getting invited to things, but figured if someone matters to me enough either I'll them or they'll call me. Or hell even email. Crazy as it sounds, facebook made me feel even more disconnected and lonely. My next step is getting rid of my smartphone. I find myself going to it addictivley when I get bored or have time to kill. Almost always unproductive. I'll miss being able to google information when I need it, the driving directions (standalone nav system replaces that), and internet radio. Todo lists are cool too but can be done on paper. Plus the phone sucks up so much battery. Think going back to a flip phone like the good ole days will let me focus on real-world things that really matter. Plus the battery life!! How many times I've been stranded without a phone because my smartphone dies so quickly, no matter how long I charge it at night or the morning and even with new battery.
Going to simplify the digital stuff so I can focus on the real world!!
I agree with you about many of the things that you have written. I've tried getting rid of FB and Twitter a couple of times in the past. This is my third attempt. I feel that I've been using both to compare myself to the Joneses digitally. At this point in life, I just want to feel content with what I have and the success that I've made. Sure I'm unmarried and have no children, but I used to enjoy that fact. The grass is always greener. My friends that are married and have children keep telling me I should just stay the way I am and not rush it. I'm also tired of people knowing everything about me before I meet them in person. I feel that a man should have a bit of mystery. Social networking robs us of this. The only reason I feel that I would regress and go back to FB is so that I could see pictures of my young second cousins that live in Portland. I never see them irl, never talk to them on the phone, and never see pictures any other way. When you remove yourself from social networking it reveals 1. who your friends actually are 2. what your supposed "friends" value most 2. The meaningless ways in which you have been spending your time. Given I've met some truly great people through Twitter, but none of them ever come over to watch the game with me, or to have dinner, and or to have a drink at my place...so the relationships I have begun are not that deep.
How often did you ask those people to come over or to have a drink?
I invite people over to my place all the time. I had this tradition of meeting a girl for Monday Night Football at the dive bar down the street. They serve free chili there on this night. Despite the free chili, I still lay down about 20 bucks every time I'm down there. The dive bar sucks, and the people that frequent it I don't enjoy much. I told her that our tradition had to end because I was wasting too much time and money in an absolute and complete dump and would rather work on my own pad instead. Since then I've gotten cable, a better TV, Netflix, a sweet stereo setup and have been ignoring the world to make my place an oasis. Every Monday I cook chili, every Monday I invite her over, and I never get an answer. She still frequents this bar and I'm totally and absolutely burnt out on it. The only way she responds to me is fb/twitter and since cutting both of those out of my life I don't hear from her anymore. She has my phone number, and I hers, so there is no excuse for her not communicate with me. Matter of fact every Monday night is an open invite for anyone to come over and watch football, Sunday also.
Sounds like a barfly and not the type of chick ya need in your life dude!!
You are right man. She has been to the bar 17 times this month at least (judging from foursquare). There is no romantic connection between her and I. I've been avoiding her, she has been holding me back. I've gotten back into running, working more, and saving money.
Gee, you told her that something she enjoys totally sucks and is beneath you and you can' figure out why she doesn't want to be more involved with you. I mean seriously, you have a super sweet stereo setup and your own chili, why isn't she just jumping your bones, right? Damn that Facebook for this
This girl and I are just friends. She has told me in the past that she would never date me. I didn't tell her that what she enjoys sucks...I just said that I'm going to spend less time at the bar down the street because I dislike *it and going there. I told her that she is welcome to watch football at my place instead *if she likes. There is no alternative agenda. If she comes over, that's great...if not, that's great also. You are right, fb isn't my main problem. Frequenting bars is. I'm done with going to bars and I'm trying new things. My fb and twitter "friends" expect me to be a party animal of sorts and I'm trying to change that. I have to ignore both and focus on myself for awhile.
Almost two months late on this, Shields, but here goes...
That was funny.
Sounds like temporary solutions to a bigger problem: Not living a principled, prioritized life and having personal responsibility.
Overusing FB, internet, video games, TV or whatever is the symptom not he problem.
I am very swayed by your argument. You are right. Everyone I know has this thinking - the liberals I work with - the conservatives I worship with.
The problem with it is that we drink scotch, we don't drink paint thinner.
There's a reason for this.
Someone could drink either for a buzz but the paint thinner would kill them much faster than the scotch ... and ... wouldn't taste as good.
You might say that there should be responsible paint thinner consumption, but then the question should come up, why drink paint thinner at all?
Without getting all anarcho-capitalist about this, some things are not a good idea and have very little value. Maybe they shouldn't be illegal but there are very valid reasons to avoid using them.
Not everyone who decides not to use Facebook is someone who shirks the principle of personal responsibility. Some of those folks are just ... well, smart.