Girlfriend has become more distant in messages- am I being 'needy'?

Hi there,

I've noticed in the past month, or so my girlfriend has started either not responding to questions I ask or not engaging with my texts (she will only communicate via text). Sometimes she'll not answer any of questions and just start a new topic. Now, just to be clear, the vast majority of the time she does respond to questions and engage with what I've written, but this is relatively new behaviour. 

I told her a couple of weeks ago that it would be nice if she responded to my questions, as it makes me feel like she can't be bothered or that I'm boring her, which to be honest, I find a bit hurtful. I know it's not the worst crime ever, but I do think that if someone asks you a question, you respond to it. Likewise, to just not even bother responding to what someone has written seems a little rude to me. I know there's always going to be times when you're very busy, but on the whole, I think this is true.

Anyway, when I brought this up with her, she said I was being "needy". I responded by saying, that it's not being needy - it's called being polite. I expect everyone, not just my girlfriend to interact with me like that, it's common courtesy.

I should add that my girlfriend has without a doubt the most troubled background I have ever come across and from the outset has pushed me away at times (she says that she has done this to other partners) and has commitment issues (despite not going out for six months, we are still not 'friends' on facebook). So this does fit into a pattern of rejection on her part. However, at the same time, she tells me how much she loves me, how she's missed me etc. and it leaves me feeling confused. 

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, but I just wanted some other peoples' thoughts as I suppose I am finding it difficult to view the situation objectively. 

Thanks

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Ok man. Here is the important thing and one thing you always always need to keep in mind. Forever more. This is important.

Judge your situation by her ACTIONS not what she says. Her words will always lead you astray. Causes confusion. You'll think "well I know she does these bad things but she says she loves me" well it's the bad things that tell a story.
I am 41. I have been through many relationships and every single time I felt confused and made excuses for her it was because I really wanted her words to mean a lot more than her actions. Even though. Deep down. Really deep. I knew what was really happening. And what was really happening was I was out.

I didn't maintain mystery. I was no longer a challenge. She lost interest. I wanted it to work so bad I made excuses. And meanwhile I really knew she didn't like me anymore.

Thanks, that's true. 

I was talking one of my female friends last night about the situation, who said that I am her boyfriend. The relationship is still quite new, she should WANT to message me (she told me before that the reason she didn't respond to some of my questions was that she was busy replying to her friends on Whatsapp).

I've come to the conclusion that she's a game-player. She occasionally takes ages to respond to messages, when I think in all but the most extreme circumstances you can respond in a few hours. I'm guessing because of her past, she wants to test the man she's with, or feel in control.

I think you're right about not texting. Texting gives her power, which I think she is happy to abuse to make herself feel in control. I hate the waiting, the not responding etc. 

Sometimes I try not texting her and she does end up texting me, but how do I transition to almost cutting them out completely? It seems rude to not respond to her texts. At least she writes responses, even if she doesn't always answer my questions. Do I tell her I want to cut down on the texting, as I don't like it?

In fact, I'm meeting her tonight. I'm thinking of having a chat with her about the lack of responsiveness and to tell her how I feel. Depending on how things go, I might suggest we break up. 

But if it doesn't go that way, I will at least suggest that we keep messaging to a minimum.

Sounds like you guys need a day long date.

 Breakfast, some morning walk such as a walk, or taking in a museum or some such, lunch, then perhaps a movie or some other activity.  Maybe take a drive out to a town 2 hours over and make a day of it.  Something.

Sometimes what you need is simply a good day together.

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