I've been seeing a girl for just over six months. We've become quite close, see each other on average a couple of times a week, text message, I hang out with her and her friends sometimes, have a healthy sex life etc. When it was my birthday a month ago, she bought me a really nice present. Maybe it's a bit soon but she says she loves me and misses me.
She's heard me refer to her as my 'girlfriend' and seemingly had no problem with it, however on two occasions now she's referred to me as her 'friend' when talking to someone else, The first time she said this I said something to her the next day about it. She winced and said that she has referred to me as her 'boyfriend' but feels a bit shy about calling me it. I accepted her explanation and forgot about it, this was about a month ago now.
However, yesterday she did it again. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it but will do tomorrow when I see her.
My question is: am I right to be upset by her calling me her 'friend', when everything points to something more? Or should I focus more on her actions than her words?
Thanks in advance.
Only from high school dating, which I'd imagine is greatly different from adult dating, but my girl of eight months actually thinks it's cute that I'm pretty needy (though it gets aggravating sometimes when I'm in a bad mood or something) and feels more secure around me since I'm so protective and paranoid about her. (Also can be aggravating, but not often on either.) I say act like yourself, and see how she feels. As a person in general, I'm one of the most laid back and independent in the world, but with her I'm ridiculously protective and clingy.
Oh God! I did the worst thing possible!
You were banging her mother and her dad walked in? Or vice versa?
Actually it was the poodle.
She is a little uncomfortable with the social, public implications of intimacy that using the term "boyfriend" implies. It is a shyness, not a slight.
DO NOT tell her what to say.
DO NOT tell her what you wish she would say.
You grab her, bend her over backwards in a kiss right out of Gone with the Wind. Let the kiss linger a moment or two longer than necessary, until you feel her go weak in your arms.
Then stand her back up, and with your face a micrometer from hers, in a calm but commanding voice tell her that she is your girlfriend, that you will refer to her as your girlfriend before all the world and with considerable pride, and you would just as soon announce to all the world that she is your girlfriend and give her a semi-playful smack on the butt.
Then walk off and never ever mention it again.
Like a Man.
You grab her....move in close....put you lips right up near hers...don't touch her lips.....and WAIT.
If she moves in and completes the kiss - you will know she is yours. Proceed with the rest of Michael's directions. Give the kiss to let her know you return her feelings.
If she does NOT complete the kiss, then you'll know in your heart of hearts what is really going on....and she does not really feel it for you.
Either way, Ian, it will be a valuable life lesson.
Good luck, Buddy!
Thanks for the responses. As has been suggested, I won't mention this incident again!
She called me up before I went to bed and we had a long chat which covered what I posted about initially but then discussed other things and had a nice talk in the end. She said she could understand why I was upset at being referred to as her 'friend' and that she would have been too but that I shouldn't worry.
Anyway, it's all 'water under the bridge' now...
words are just words.
Dont put it in a frame. You are Her friend, boyfriend and loved one.
If you are having sex you obviously are not in the friend zone.
Some people kiss in public, some do not.
The question is how solid is your relationship? My wife is my best friend. We use various titles for each other.