Im currently a senior in high school and for the last semester or so i have become extremely close with a girl in my class. We hang out all the time, talk everyday, and do everything together. I have never had a best friend who is a girl before so its unknown territory for me. Naturally, i developed feelings for her but the problem is she has a long distance relationship with a guy across the country. They have seen each other VERY little during the course of their relationship and don't talk very often. Overall, many of my friends and i agree that it is a very strange relationship but that is neither here nor there. I was struggling with what to do for awhile, try to ignore her and break off the friendship, tell her and see what happens, or just try to get over her and remain friends. I ended up telling her how i felt and she does not feel the same way but we remained best friends and things never got awkward. We even talk more than we used to. The problem is that my feelings for her are getting much stronger and she still has her boyfriend and i am not the kind of guy that wants to steal her away, if they break up that needs to be their choice. In two months i move across the country but i know that we will remain extremely close friends, already planning trips to visit one another and hang out. The question is, what do i do in this situation? do i remain her best friend an suck it up and just ignore my feelings? do i try to move on and get over her? or, do i continue being her best friend in hopes that one day she will feel the same way? 

Sorry if this sounds like I'm whining and being a baby but this is really bothering me and i just need some advice on the right course of action.

Thank you for all your help.

Tags: girls, help, problems

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Suck it up and ignore your feelings.

Why?  You're moving across country yourself and long distance relationships are hard especially for the younger set.  I assume you're going to college and will meet young women there who you will bond with.  You can keep up your friendship with this girl and meet up and all that and maybe, just maybe, something may happpen but probably not.

Are you sure she even has another guy, and she's not just feeding you a line of bull to avoid hurting your feelings?  I agree with Rick.  Suck it up, and spend your time looking for a girl that likes you back.  There will be other girls much sooner than you think.

 

High school seems like the whole world when you're in it ... but, its really small in retrospect.  You won't be lifelong friends with nearly as many high school acquaintances as you think you will.

 

JB

Yeah I missed the part about you being in highschool. Your horizons are about the get blown wide open. You're pining now but she might wind up not even being an afterthought. Don't sweat it too much; if it was meant to be, she would have made it happen. Clearly it wasn't meant to be. That means you're going to college a single man who's not caught up in a long-distance relationship. ENJOY IT.

"I ended up telling her how i felt and she does not feel the same way"

 

+

 

"In two months i move across the country"

 

=

 

End of story.

 

You can keep being her best friend but, regardless of whether or not she keeps her current BF, don't wait up expecting her feelings for you to change because there's a very likely possibility that they won't. If ever they do, she'll know where to find you. In the meantime, I seriously recommend you do not prevent yourself from dating other girls.

 

 

Yeah i know that things seem so much different now because I'm in high school and I'm sure in a few months things will have totally changed. Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate all of the assistance.

You won't remember her name 2 months after you move

This is what I have learned from horrible, painful, personal experience: if a girl wants to be friends with you, she will be friends with you and there is incredibly little that you can do about it. And by incredibly little, I mean no resolution exists that I have discovered or heard of. I'll tell you what's going to happen if you continue being best friends with her as your feelings grow stronger. Because you care about her, you will be the best friend she's ever had and she will be very content with the state of your relationship. But poor you. You will become ever more enamored of her, keeping you in the relationship even as it grows further from what you want it to be.

I'd say you should ignore your feelings and hope they go away. Ideally they'll go away as you live away from her for a little while, and then you two can really visit as friends. If they don't go away, break things off with her.

The friend zone is a black hole and no one has come back to tell the tale of what lies within...  it is the female version of why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Nathan,

My wife was my best friend in high school, and when we were in high school, she didn't look at me that way at all.  In other words, I can relate to your situation, and it's not an easy one. No guy wants to see a girl he cares for having relationship problems--as you have experienced with your friend. Plus, there's something very frustrating when  you can't fix her relationship problems for her, and she's "rejected" you on top of it.

In reality, though, she's not rejected you.  Friendship, especially the deeper kind you two seem to have, is hard to come by.  You are both important enough in each other's lives to have continued to work on the friendship even through the awkwardness.  So, I advise you to value that relationship--value HER--enough to continue to be friends first, regardless of how it ultimately winds up.

Take it from someone who has seen many of his college buddies and work friends begin and end numerous relationships (marriages included): friendship is worth the work.  IF you wind up in a romantic relationship with this girl who is now your good friend, then all the better.  That can make the relationship--romantic or otherwise--all the stronger.

In short, focus on the person and the reasons you care for her (in whatever form that is), and just develop that.  Be your authentic self and develop the relationship because you care for her and she cares for you.  Then just let whatever happens, happen, and enjoy the ride.

"Im currently a senior in high school and for the last semester "

That tells me all I need to know.  I have been there when I was transitioning from one part of my life to another.  It does not work out and it screws with your focus.  As much as it hurts, let her go.  Get ready for the next phase of your life.

Despite you leaving, you know you are not acting in a way that is attractive to her. Being liked, trustworthy, "a good friend" does not equate to attraction. If your intentions with someone are sexual and based off of your attraction for them then stop acting like you want to be friends.

You are not acting attractively for this person. Stop acting that way.

Benjamin Ritter

Author of the Essentials and Co-Host of the Suave Lover Podcast

Writer for Askmen.com and Examiner.com

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