"I see myself as a sheep with no herd.
I've always kept away from mass behavior of any kind, structuring my life so I'm usually alone (or with my family) whether it be commuting to work (I have the road to myself), being on a…"
Girl advice!
I'm not looking for a detailed, bullet-ed outline of everything I should say but I need some help.
I'm 19, and I work as a maintenance worker in the summer at a school for kids with special needs. During this season, the school has a normal camp program for kids. There is this really cute girl whose my age that is always smiling at me when we cross paths. So I decided to talk to her and exchange names, numbers, some small talk etc.
Now that I have her number, I want to talk her out to coffee simply just to break the ice and get to know her. The thing is, I don't know anything about her. She could be a ditsy teen or a well educated scholar.
In what ways can I ask good open ended questions with out it sounding scripted? How can I get her to really open up and feel comfortable while making it enjoyable and not sounding like I'm interrogating her? My biggest fear is that she will be some girl who only likes justin bieber and answers everything with yes or no.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by JonEdanger on -
How old is she?
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Permalink Reply by Rebekah on -
Don't ask yes or no questions. Since you work at the same place, start there, but don't stay on that subject too long if it's going well.
How did you find out about this job?
Describe your most challenging camper.
What's your favorite thing about this job?
What are you doing in the fall?
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Permalink Reply by Craig on -
Don't call her for 5-7 days!
On your date let her do the talking! Just respond to that. Don't talk overly about yourself. If she wants to know make her drag it out of you. You're a big mystery - stay that way. Forever.
Be FUNNY, LIGHT (no heavy topics), and FUN.
If she's annoying then it's just one date and never see her again.
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Permalink Reply by Jack Bauer on -
I don't buy the "don't call her" bit. Be genuine. If you want to call her ... call her. Women like to be liked. If she asks you a question ... answer it. Don't try to be something that you're not. It isn't worth it. Definitely listen more than you talk ... but if you approach this strategically -- as if it is a tactical situation -- you're not going to do yourself any favors.
Don't over think things. Just ask open-ended questions, and have a conversation. She's just a girl ... not an alien.
JB
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Permalink Reply by Craig on
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I never said don't answer her questions. But don't drool all over her with the feelings you still carry with you from the day your cat died. And don't offer up everything about you in one shot.
Women like to be liked but they also enjoy a man who offers something challenging. After say 5 days she will either be very interested because you are a busy person with many things to do - or If she is upset, well then she doesn't have a happy personality and you probably don't want to continue dating her.
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Permalink Reply by Nathanael on -
You're over-thinking this. Most people like talking about themselves, and if she's interested enough in you to go out for coffee, she's unlikely to be particularly defensive.
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Permalink Reply by David on
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If I want to get to know someone or even just fill gaps in conversation, I often ask questions from Chuck Klosterman list of 23 questions he asks everyone.
Seen here: http://melanism.com/2006/07/chuck-klostermans-23-questions-i-ask.html
Depending on how she answers these questions, how long it takes her to think of an answer, how excited she gets about it...etc. you should be able to get a pretty good read on what kind of person she is.
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