[sorry not a native speaker, be advised]

Dear gentleman,

In my mid 30ies I find myself being a single, while all around people marry their partners they met during their college years. I never been good with the ladies as I am quite shy towards them*, however a had a couple of relationships. The last years I focused on work, meaning getting my PhD and finding a good job. I finally can catch a break now, but the dating pool seems to have dried up.

I tried things like online dating sites and even speed dating, with no success. I am not in the best shape, but I don't have think I am that hideous. 

Any inspiration?

* Weirdly I am not shy AT ALL in general (with other men or women I am not interested in).

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Have you considered counseling?  I'm not talking about in-depth psychotherapy or anything like that, but some short-term, probably Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) based counseling.  It can help you deal with this shyness. 

It's worth a try.

I never been good with the ladies as I am quite shy towards them

Attend social events that will encourage interaction, particularly wine tastings, local merchants; association events, etc. 

I am not in the best shape,

Get yer ass in the gym. And eat healthy. Things you need to  be doing anyway.

Weirdly I am not shy AT ALL in general (with other men or women I am not interested in).

Thats everyone. 

Any inspiration?

Think Bond and Han. Hear the theme music in your head. Literally, watch the first four bond movies until you can actually mimic his walk.

Never seen that Han poster before.  Love that. 

And then got his ass frozen in carbonite. Metaphor for getting the cold shoulder? Perhaps...

 

Ok the dating pool is far from dry. I talk to guys just like you every day, It's not that your shy, it's that you don't know what to say. Women don't want you to be funny or witty, they want you to be you. If your naturally funny than great but don't push it. Be yourself that's not MAnsy that's manly,If your not in shape than start a small workout for yourself,walk after dinner,do 10 push-up.Any little bit can help kick start your self worth. And you have a phd. At the end of the day you have alot going for yourself. If some women can't see that it's there problem not your

Get involved with activities other than your profession.  Go hiking, biking, get a motorcycle, a sports car, jeep.  Go sky diving (not for me but), scuba diving, taking trips to exotic locales, learn other interesting things.  Get into acting, meet people, talk to people.  Become interesting and you will meet interesting people. 

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