Hello all you fellow gentlemen, so I'm pretty much new to this community. Been checking out this blog for quite a while, which has clearly proven itself to be one of the most resourceful blogs for men(my opinion nonetheless). I'm also a big fan of the "old-fashioned" ways so I feel very much at home here.
Now this has been a concern of mine for a while now. I have been one of the many unfortunate victims of the wretched friendzone, for quite a handful of instances. In fact, I just had to reconcile with a recent scenario of the such a few weeks ago(I dare you to tell me that when a girl says, "Friendship hug!" as she hugs you, that it signifies any interests beyond that of friends.)
I knew well very that I blew my chances with the recent girl; by succumbing to my pathetic clingynes. It came to the point where she told me to back off for a bit, so I did. Really regret going there but I wish to cherish it as lesson learned.
These past 2 weeks at the local church, there has been quite a few new girls coming to the sunday services that I have had the privilege of meeting. All seemed genuninely sweet and nice and very ladylike. Some of the girls, I may be developing interest for.
So I was wondering if any of you men could give some advice.
How should I go about eventually and geuninely asking one of the God-fearing women that I've recently met, to go out on a date with me.
What's a good timing? Should I try getting to know more about each of girls first(and seeing who I would be most interested in) before asking?
No, I'm not trying to be a reckless player kind of guy. It's nothing serious. I just want to get a bit more into the realm of dating and perhaps getting to know more people.
And about the friendzone. How does one avoid it? What are good traits for a guy to have when pursueing the one he's interested in? What are bad traits and idiosyncrasies one should avoid having?
Being friendzoned is a codependent relationship. It means you've become a girl's gay best friend. You no longer serve any purpose to her other than being her emotional tampon. It is not the same as being friends with a girl. It is not the same as being "just friends". It is not the same as being friends that fuck or friends with benefits. It is not the same as being pussy whipped. It is you being a bitch and believing otherwise.
Was that your experience with the handshake?
This wisdom deserves to be chiseled in marble somewhere.
Coffee after church is casual. When you get to the counter, just go first and ask her what she would like, then pay for the both of you.
Great advice so far guys, but how would the factors change if I was 17(which I am), and the service I've been going to and meeting all the new people was a highschool service(which it is)?
It wouldn't change at all? I don't understand the question. I dated when I was your age and I went to coffee as well. The situation doesn't change. Perhaps you can clarify your question.
I was just wondering whether or not different age groups can have different factors or aspects involved(i.e. maturity... restrictions... etc).
Nevermind on that; your right, it shouldn't matter. I really appreciate all the advice I've been given so far.
You take her to coffee or something similar rather than drinks. Otherwise, rules are still pretty much the same
doesn't happen that way my friend. I find become a friend, but by no means a best friend, is an easy gateway.
That being said, I did recently fight my way out of the friendzone with someone I considered my best friend. Didn't last more than three months (she decided she wasn't into guys if you catch my meaning, but most of our friends knew she leaned that way more than the other so it wasn't to surprising) I'd say just be yourself, but keep a few cards to the chest. A guy whose completely open can lose his appeal, but keep an element of charming mystery and you can garner interest from anyone whose at least chemically compatible with you.
In case anyone reads this. Well to give you all an update, I decided to go through with asking the girl out. This girl I have been ''eye-balling" for a few weeks, we gotten to know each other's names, and chat a bit through the freetime during the services. Just yesterday I decided to finally push myself at it and just ask her out.
Well I asked her out for some coffee, and she first off, appeared quite surprised, and then not what I anticipated, told me that she has a boyfriend. She did explain that we can still be friends(yeah...ain't going to happen).
Though quite disappointed, I gave myself a pat on the back, figuratively speaking, for having the courage to just go up to her and flat out ask her out. Now that I know she's not interested, I have no confusion, no inner suspense, and I am spared of the pain that would come in just being her friend, only to eventually find out about her boyfriend.
I can now simply move on. Besides, there's other girls that I've been seeing lately. No matter what, life goes on, so do I. Thank you guys for all your help and advice.